Broadminded (1931)
Joe E. Brown: Ossie Simpson
Photos
Quotes
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[Ossie and Jack are in a diner getting breakfast, and after the waitress brings them their food, Ossie knocks the salt shaker over, spilling the salt]
Ossie Simpson : Oops. Spilled the salt.
[Ossie starts pouring the salt over his left shoulder, dumping it on Pancho, who is sitting right next to him]
Pancho : Hey! Look!
[Pancho points to the salt on his shoulder]
Ossie Simpson : Ah! Dandruff!
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[Pancho and Ossie are in a heated argument]
Pancho : If I were not in a hurry, I would wait outside!
Ossie Simpson : I wouldn't wait.
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[repeated line]
Ossie Simpson : Remember what your father said...
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[writing notes down in his notebook]
Ossie Simpson : Monday - Jack flirted with waitress. Knows a good dish when he sees one. Period.
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Jack Hackett : Well, we better make up our minds where we're going. Say, how about abroad?
Ossie Simpson : Your father said no women.
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Jack Hackett : Well, when do you think we'll get there?
Ossie Simpson : We'll never get there at the rate you're goin'.
Jack Hackett : What do you mean at the rate I'm goin'? You're driving.
Ossie Simpson : Yes. But, you're stopping. We haven't passed a girl yet. Made four stops, the last five girls.
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Ossie Simpson : First, we've got to decide where we're going. - - - California!
Jack Hackett : Why California?
Ossie Simpson : Sunshine! Sun kissed oranges. Sun kissed lemons. Sun kissed mountains. And Sun kissed - Mamas.
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Jack Hackett : Gertie, you're a peach! I can't tell you how I feel about you.
Gertie Gardner : Oh, Jack.
Ossie Simpson : I'll say she is. She's a whole orchard! And believe me, you do look swell in that negligee.
Jack Hackett : You're a sweetheart.
Gertie Gardner : Oh, Jack.
Ossie Simpson : Oh, Gertie you were marvelous!
Jack Hackett : You bet your life.
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Jack Hackett : Ah, you and your philosophy.
Ossie Simpson : Well, things could be worse.
Jack Hackett : What could be worse than losing the girl you love?
Ossie Simpson : Losing two girls you love!
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Ossie Simpson : Every girl to you is a stop and go signal. You stop and how you go!
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Ossie Simpson : We're tryin' to get there in a hurry and you stop to help a dame milk a cow!
Jack Hackett : Aww, milk's the best thing in the world for you. I was brought up on milk!
Ossie Simpson : Yeah, but you weren't brought up on milk maids.
Jack Hackett : Aww, can it.
Ossie Simpson : I hope we don't pass a poultry farm.
Jack Hackett : Why not?
Ossie Simpson : You'll probably stop to help some hen lay an egg.
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Ossie Simpson : Don't write to women. No matter how far away you are, phone 'em! In the end, a long distance call is cheaper than a two cent stamp.
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Penny Packer : I don't like her. She had no right to give you her room number.
Ossie Simpson : Ah, she's all right. I feel sorry for her. She had a tough break last year in New York. She lost practically every friend she had.
Penny Packer : What happened?
Ossie Simpson : The Fleet sailed away.
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Ossie Simpson : Friday. Jack stopped to help a girl fix a car. Beautiful body - and swell paint job.
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Ossie Simpson : Just a minute. Send me the cigarette girl.
Maitre d' : Oh. Oh, you want cigarettes?
Ossie Simpson : No, no. Just the girl.
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[last lines]
Ossie Simpson : Ah, Penny, I'm so happy, I'm gonna work my head off for you - until we have a bank full of dollars and a house full of Pennies.
Penny Packer : Oh, my Ossie!
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Jack Hackett : [while they're on the road] When do we eat?
Ossie Simpson : We'll eat at the next town.
Jack Hackett : What town are we coming to?
Ossie Simpson : I don't... there's a sign.
Jack Hackett : What town is it?
Ossie Simpson : Goslow.
Jack Hackett : *Goslow*?
Ossie Simpson : Yep.
Jack Hackett : [Jack sees the sign] That's "Go Slow", you fool!
Ossie Simpson : Oh-ho, so it is.
[Jack glares at him]
Ossie Simpson : I can be wrong, you know.