Hard Boiled Mahoney (1947)

Bobby Jordan: Bobby

Quotes 

• Terence Aloysius 'Slip' Mahoney : [Bobby gets thrown out of a psychic office]  D'ya learn anything?

  Bobby : Yeah, I learned I can bounce.

• Prof. Quizard : How many hairs are there on the human head?

  Sach : Who's head?

  Prof. Quizard : Why, the average human head.

  Bobby : That leaves YOU out.

  Slip Mahoney : So what happens if we answer de question?

  Prof. Quizard : Well, you know, if you guess right we give you oodles of prizes.

  Slip Mahoney : Oh, dere's "oodles" of prizes. That's different. Think hard, Sach! There might be somethin' in it for us.

  Sach : Well, let's see.

  [Horace scratches his head] 

  Prof. Quizard : Oh-oh, no fair counting.

  Sach : Oh, I got the answer. One.

  Prof. Quizard : Oh, no, doctor. There are thousands.

  Sach : Yeah? My Uncle Herman has an average head and he's only got one hair in it.

• Gabe 'Gabie' : Hey, ya know, my fadda was in de Civil War.

  Chuck : Are you nuts? At the time of de Civil War, your father was an infant.

  Gabe 'Gabie' : So, they put 'im in de infantry.

  [everyone laughs] 

  Sach : Hey! Hey! I was in de last war. I saved five hundred men.

  Bobby : Yeah? How?

  Sach : Shot the cook.

• [the gang expresses no interest in joining in on The Mahoney Detecting Corporation] 

  Slip Mahoney : All right, you boys seem to be overlookin' a little matter of fifty simoleons that I hold here in my right hand. How long have we been in this business?

  Bobby : About five minutes.

  Slip Mahoney : Five minutes, fifty simoleons. How much is that? Ten dollars a minute. Put that ten-dollars-a-minute on a forty-hour-a-week basis and whadda got?

  Sach : Income tax trouble.

• Sach : He went in the elevator.

  Bobby : What floor did he stop at?

  Sach : How do I know. I wasn't on it.

  Slip Mahoney : The light. When did the light stop?

  Sach : I think it was five.

  Slip Mahoney : Five?

  Sach : Or the number that comes after five.

  Gabe 'Gabie' : Six?

  Sach : Does six come after five?

  Gabe 'Gabie' : I t'ink so.

  Sach : Boy, what'll they think o' next? Hey, we're figurin' this thing out like real detectives, ain't we?