It's a Joke, Son! (1947)

Kenny Delmar: Senator Claghorn

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mrs.Magnolia Claghorn : Beauregard, I've got somethin' to tell you. From now on, I'm gonna wear the pants in this family.

  Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Well, naturally, dear. I thought you were gonna tell me something new.

• Senator Beauregard Claghorn : You know we've got two states down here - South Carolina and North Carolina. North Carolina? No such place. Why don't they call it Upper South Carolina? And, I can't for the life of me understand why we've got a South Dakota up North.

• Senator Beauregard Claghorn : A girl named Lincoln has no right to be from Atlanta.

• Peterson - the Mailman : Anyhow, Mr. Claghorn, I want you to know that you get the most interesting mail on my whole route.

  Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Well, that's mighty nice of you to say so, sir.

• Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Now, son, in my plan you simply move the Mason-Dixon line up around the Great Lakes. Make Canada the North. That way, anyone who couldn't talk with a Southern drawl would have to get a passport.

• William : Is it all ready for the ladies now ?

  Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Yeah. but are the ladies ready for it?

• Senator Beauregard Claghorn : That's a joke, son. Be alert. Pay attention. Don't let em get by ya.

• Groceryman : What can we do, Mr. Claghorn?

  Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Eliminate the North -- make the whole country South.

• Senator Beauregard Claghorn : [Speaking to his pet]  Daisy... you're lucky to be a dog. Your trouble's are canine; mine are asinine. If you weren't a dog, I'd get a laugh on that.

• Senator Beauregard Claghorn : [to his dog]  Daisy, don't you know that's a Northern apple? You wanna get distemper? Drop it!

  [And the dog does] 

• Mrs.Magnolia Claghorn : Beauregard, I could almost kiss you for that.

  Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Well, thank you, my dear. It's nice of you to almost wanna kiss me.

  Mary Lou : Well, why don't you kiss him, momma?

  Mrs.Magnolia Claghorn : Hmmm?

  Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Magnolia, my blossom, prepare to defend yourself.

  Mrs.Magnolia Claghorn : Stop it, now. Stop it!

• Mrs.Magnolia Claghorn : What're you so happy about?

  Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Oh, I'm sorry my dear. I didn't mean to be happy.

• Groceryman : Well, what about our maps, Mr. Claghorn?

  Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Maps? Did you ever look at a map? You'll notice that all the rivers run South.

  Groceryman : Well, that's only because of the shape of the earth.

  Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Nonsense! It's because they can't stand it up North.

• Mrs.Magnolia Claghorn : If that Jeff Davis comes in this house once more, I'm gonna pop up and go home to mother.

  Senator Beauregard Claghorn : [Excitedly]  You will?

  Mrs.Magnolia Claghorn : Oh, so you wanna get rid of me?

  Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Oh, no, dear. I only said that, I said... .I must've said something.