Shivering Sherlocks (1948)

Shemp Howard: Shemp Howard

Quotes 

• Police Officer Jackson : [the police officer hears a sound coming from a trash can]  Who's in that can?

  Shemp Howard : Just garbage!

  [Slap] 

  Shemp Howard : Oh!

• Captain Mullins : [the captain tries the lie detector on Shemp]  Now then, I gotta a couple of questions I wanna ask you!

  Shemp Howard : Me?

  Moe Howard : Yes, and so do I. Did you or did not take that quarter out of my shoe last night?

  Shemp Howard : On my honor, Moe I didn't do it.

  [the alarm goes off] 

• Moe Howard : Hey, what's that on the stool?

  Shemp Howard : [seeing a pigeon]  Must be a stool pigeon.

• Moe Howard : It was swell of you to tell the cops we worked here, Ms. Harmon.

  Larry Fine : Yeah, it it wasn't for you, we'd be sent up for life.

  Shemp Howard : You sure got us out of a jam.

  Gladys Harmon : Oh, that's all right, boys. I'm sort of in a jam myself.

  Moe Howard : Yeah? What's the trouble?

  Gladys Harmon : Oh, trying to make a go of this restaurant. I can't afford any help. And most of my customers sign their checks instead of paying.

  Moe Howard : You mean they signed all these?

  Gladys Harmon : Mm-hmm.

  Moe Howard : Why, the dirty chiselers.

  Larry Fine : Who are they?

  Moe Howard : [flipping through]  Larry Fine, Larry Fine, La...

  [slapping the bald part of his head] 

  Moe Howard : Why, you nitwit!

  Shemp Howard : You got a lot of crust, you have.

  Moe Howard : I wonder whose this is.

  [flipping through] 

  Moe Howard : Shemp Howard, Shemp Howard, Shemp...

  [slapping him] 

  Moe Howard : What's the matter with you?

  Shemp Howard : I'm coming right back.

  Moe Howard : Hey, this guy must have had a tapeworm.

  [flipping through] 

  Moe Howard : Moe Howard, Moe Howard, Moe...

  [seeing their expressions, he slaps them both] 

  Moe Howard : What are you guys looking at? Get out of here.

• Shemp Howard : Oh, boy, twelve o'clock. See you later, fellas.

  Moe Howard : Wait a minute. Where do you think you're going?

  Shemp Howard : Out to lunch.

  Moe Howard : A wise guy, huh?

  [slapping him] 

  Moe Howard : Listen, if the customers can stand to eat your cooking, so can you. Sit down.

• Shemp Howard : Hey, Moe! Hey, Moe!

  Moe Howard : What do you want?

  Shemp Howard : Moe!

  Moe Howard : What is it?

  Shemp Howard : I had a piece of pipe in my hand. It disappeared right out of my hands.

  Moe Howard : Maybe it's still in your hand.

  Shemp Howard : [showing his empty hands]  No!

  [Moe slaps his hands upward, causing Shemp to hit himself in the face]