- Tina: This is just like old times.
- Matt Helm: Yeah, especially with that body on the floor.
- [Pointing to Barbara in the background, who has just been shot twice in the back by Tina]
- Tina: What do we do with *her*?
- Matt Helm: You put her on ice, let ICE take care of it.
- Tina: And what happens when the maid walks in, in the morning?
- Matt Helm: You know, you're right. Let's put her in my bed, so we don't arouse suspicion.
- [Matt and Tina start walking towards Barbara's body, cut]
- Gail Hendrix: What are you doing!
- Matt Helm: Ah, shut up! And don't open your mouth until you get to the hotel!
- Gail Hendrix: Well, how do you expect me to breathe?
- Matt Helm: Don't!
- Tung-Tze: And of course, Russia will be blamed. There will be accusations and counter-accusations. The 2 great powers will once again be on a collision course. For them... it will be the end. For us - the beginning.
- Gail Hendrix: I want some music.
- [Gail turns on car radio, Frank Sinatra's "Come Fly With Me" plays]
- Matt Helm: Oh, turn him off, he's terrible!
- [Gail changes the station, Dean Martin's "Everybody Loves Somebody" plays]
- Matt Helm: Now there's a guy that can sing!
- [after Gail had splashed water on Matt, she then spills a drink on him after falling over when he's lighting her cigarette]
- Gail Hendrix: Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
- Matt Helm: Yeah, I know you are.
- Tina: [after Matt has opened his gun cabinet and flipped it around to reveal even more weapons] Who designed this house? Smith and Wesson?
- Matt Helm: You'd better take those clothes off before you catch pneumonia! Well, at least take the shoe off and the stockings off.
- Gail Hendrix: You do it.
- Tina: Are you on a vacation?
- Gail Hendrix: Oh well, eh, I was on a tour, a sight-seeing tour. But eh, the man in charge of our group kept taking me places that weren't in the brochure.
- Matt Helm: Where was that?
- Gail Hendrix: His room.
- Gail Hendrix: Mr. Helm, now do I look like an enemy agent?
- Matt Helm: Well I dunno, I haven't seen the latest models yet.
- Gail Hendrix: You undressed me once and I didn't like it.
- Matt Helm: Now, you're confusing romance with first aid!
- Tung-Tze: [to Matt] The explosion will raise a cloud of radioactive dust that will settle over vast areas of the Southwest... Beautiful!
- Matt Helm: Miss Kravezit...
- Lovey Kravezit: Mr. Helm... would you please call me by my first name?
- Matt Helm: Well, I don't *know* your first name.
- Lovey Kravezit: It's "Lovey."
- Matt Helm: [slightly incredulous] "Lovey Kravezit"?
- Lovey Kravezit: Mm hmm.
- Matt Helm: Oh, that's some kind of name!
- [laughs]
- Gail Hendrix: Thought I couldn't drink, couldn't I.
- Matt Helm: Um, what's Operation Fallout?
- Gail Hendrix: That's for you to know and me to find out. I mean, vicer verserer.
- Tina aka Cowboy: [after Matt has a wet first encounter with Gail at the swimming pool] I can't leave you alone for a second, can I?
- Matt Helm: Not if you want to keep me dry.
- Tina aka Cowboy: [Discussing Gail] Quite a girl.
- Matt Helm: That is not a girl, Tina. That's a disaster area.
- Sarita: [singing] If you should see a lady, Who has the kind of waist that measures 22, And she's 38 where it is great to measure 38, Dear sir, she is a silencer, Dear sir, I'm her...
- Sarita: [singing] Dear sir, don't stir, don't move, relax, Loosen your tie, Turn out the light, Take of your shoes, Don't fight, Lean back, Relax, relax, relax, relax, relax
- Sarita: [singing] I don't use a knife, don't need a gun, My equipment is a lot more deadly, son, Dear sir, I am a silencer...
- Sarita: [singing] And if you're a man not made of wood, When I flip my hips, I'll quiet you for good, Let me brush your lips and crush your lips, And nicely hush your lips, Dear sir, the silencer...
- Sarita: [singing] What could be sweeter? My happy heart whispered you're home, La Dolce Vita, We did just what the Romans, All do in Rome...
- Tina aka Cowboy: Matt, listen to me. Be carefull. I want you back in one piece. And I bet that girl is booby trapped.
- Master of Ceremonies: And now, ladies and gentlemen, direct from every bachelors' dreams, the girl we've all been waiting for - the incomparable Sarita!
- Sarita: [singing] It happened down in Santiago, I met him down in Santiago, In Santiago I got romantic, He held my hand and believe it or not, On a cool, cool evening in Chile, It got *hot*...
- [repeated line]
- Big O Computer: Everything is A-OK.