Miles Monroe: I'm what you would call a teleological, existential atheist. I believe that there's an intelligence to the universe, with the exception of certain parts of New Jersey.
Luna Schlosser: Oh, I see. You don't believe in science, and you also don't believe that political systems work, and you don't believe in God, huh?
Miles Monroe: Right.
Luna Schlosser: So then, what do you believe in?
Miles Monroe: Sex and death - two things that come once in a lifetime... but at least after death, you're not nauseous.
Miles Monroe: When I asked my mother where babies came from, she thought I said "rabies." She said you get them from being bitten by a dog. The next week, a woman on my block gave birth to triplets... I thought she'd been bitten by a great dane.
Historian: [a 22nd century historian shows Miles a videotape of Howard Cosell] We weren't sure at first what to make of this, but we developed a theory: we feel that when people committed great crimes against the state, they were forced to watch this.
Miles Monroe: Yes. That's exactly what it was.
Miles Monroe: I haven't seen my analyst in 200 years. He was a strict Freudian. If I'd been going all this time, I'd probably almost be cured by now.
Dr. Melik: This morning for breakfast he requested something called "wheat germ, organic honey and tiger's milk."
Dr. Aragon: [chuckling] Oh, yes. Those are the charmed substances that some years ago were thought to contain life-preserving properties.
Dr. Melik: You mean there was no deep fat? No steak or cream pies or... hot fudge?
Dr. Aragon: Those were thought to be unhealthy... precisely the opposite of what we now know to be true.
Dr. Melik: Incredible.
Miles Monroe: [Miles gets to look at some pictures to identify the people on them] This was Josef Stalin. He was a communist, I was not too crazy about him, had a bad moustache, lot of bad habits. This is Bela Lugosi. he was, he was the mayor of New York City for a while, you can see what it did to him there, you know. This is, uhm, this is, uh, Charles DeGaulle, he, he was a very famous French chef, had his own television show, showed you how to make souffles and omelets and everything.
Miles Monroe: I'm not really the heroic type. I was beat up by Quakers.
Miles Monroe: [Commenting about his new, robotic dog; Rags] Is he housebroken, or is he going to leave batteries all over the floor?
Luna Schlosser: I think we should have had sex, but there weren't enough people.
Miles Monroe: What kind of government you guys got here? This is worse than California!
Luna Schlosser: "Regis - register commies, not guns." What's that mean?
Miles Monroe: What?
Luna Schlosser: "Register commies, not guns."
Miles Monroe: Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. There was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.
Miles Monroe: My brain? It's my second favorite organ!
Miles Monroe: This stuff tastes awful. I could make a fortune selling it in my health food store.
Miles Monroe: Look, you gotta be kidding. I wanna go back to sleep! If I don't get at least 600 years, I'm grouchy all day.
Miles Monroe: Science is an intellectual dead end, you know? It's a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants.
Miles Monroe: [Miles holds a gun to a disembodied nose] Don't take another step or the president gets it between the eyes.
Miles Monroe: Perform sex? Uh, uh, I don't think I'm up to a performance, but I'll rehearse with you, if you like.
Luna Schlosser: Okay. I just thought you might want to; they have a machine here.
Miles Monroe: Machine? I'm not getting into that thing. I, I'm strictly a hand operator; you know, I, I... I don't like anything with moving parts that are not my own.
Miles Monroe: I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I'm 237 years old, I should be collecting social security.
Miles Monroe: I'm always joking, you should know that about me; it's a defense mechanism.
Miles Monroe: [Far off, something howls] What's that? Are there strange futuristic creatures out here that I don't know about? Like something with the body of a crab and the head of a Social Worker?
Miles Monroe: We're here to see the nose. I hear it was running.
Miles Monroe: That's a big chicken.
Luna Schlosser: Please! I wanna go home! I'm getting a headache! I'm hungry! I haven't had a stress pill! I haven't had a bath in 7 hours! I'm telling you, I'm not accustomed to this!
Herald Cohen: That's deep! You're SO obviously influenced by McKuen.
Luna Schlosser: [Luna's house party. Herald's arrived, bearing a gift; a Keane-like painting, of some big, doe-eyed, little girl, peering out at the viewer, from behind a pole, and is presenting it to Luna] Herald, it's wonderful! Oh, you shouldn't have, really!
Herald Cohen: [Herald's proudly smiling, next to this videos painting] Ijust thought you'd like it!
Luna Schlosser: [Luna's staring at it, a very long cigarette holder in one hand, and a look of intenseness is on her face, as she visually studies the painting] Oh, it's keen! It-it's pure keen! No
[spreads her hand, as if overcome with a revelation]
Luna Schlosser: No, it's greater than keen...
Luna Schlosser: it's 'Cugat'!
Miles Monroe: You're living in a Police State! Your Government is Evil!
Historian: You have no number! You can penetrate!
Miles Monroe: My God! I beat a man insensible with a strawberry!
Miles Monroe: I'm a clarinet player in 1973, I go into the hospital for a lousy operation, I wake up 200 years later and I'm Flash Gordon!
Miles Monroe: Never Clone Alone.
Erno Windt: Oy, gevalt! What will the goyim say!
Herald Cohen: Caterpillars turn into Butterflies, and not the other way around.
Miles Monroe: Are there female robots? Because the possibilities are limitless.
Gay Robot: Here's your stupid Multivac Suit!
Jewbot Tailor: We got simple... we got complicated...