Joe Pendleton: We don't care how much it costs, just how much it makes. If it costs too much, we charge a penny more. Would you pay a penny to save a fish who thinks?
Mr. Jordan: The likelihood of one individual being right increases in direct proportion to the intensity with which others are trying to prove him wrong.
Bentley: [On the landing of the elegant stairway, near the closet where Mr. Farnsworth/Joe Pendleton meets with Mr. Jordan, invisible to everyone but himself] I noticed there are two cups.
Everett: Well, Sisk felt that since Mr. Farnsworth was pretending to talk to someone, he might want to pretend to give him cocoa, too.
[Tony Abbott, after ushering the shreiking Mrs. Julia Farnsworth out of her husband's office, millionaire Mr. Farnsworth who is meeting with Miss Betty Logan, returns to the office and, from the doorway, says]
Tony Abbott: Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Farnsworth. Mrs. Farnsworth saw a mouse.
Betty Logan: She just saw a mouse?
Tony Abbott: No. Before. Outside. But she relives it.
Julia Farnsworth: You locked me in a closet!
Mr. Jordan: He's been drugged by those two downstairs. This is a murder. See how he's slowly sliding into the water?
Betty Logan: I don't know you well enough for you to hurt me.
Max Corkle: [whilst training Pendleton in the spacious mansion grounds] This isn't going to work. You're playing football with a bunch of butlers!
Joe Pendleton: I'm not supposed to be here.
Joe Pendleton: I'm not really Leo Farnsworth.
Head Coach: [watching Joe Pendleton during football practice] He's lookin' awful good.
Mr. Jordan: Haven't you learned the rules of probability and outcome? Aren't you aware that every question of life and death remains a probability until the outcome?