Serial (1980)

Bill Macy: Sam Stone

Photos 

Quotes 

• Martha : You-ness. Me-ness. Us-ness. We-ness.

  Sam Stone : [snorts] 

  Martha : Your-ness. My-ness. Our-ness. Happiness.

  Harvey Holroyd : [whispering]  Sickness.

  Kate Linville Holroyd : [whispering]  Harvey!

  Martha : And now, Bill, I'd like to hear where your head is at.

  Bill : Thank you, Martha, for pushing my button.

  Stokely : [shakes head in disbelief] 

  Bill : Thank you for inviting me to participate in your life, for I am an asshole. And being an asshole is neither good nor bad. It just is.

  Reverend Spike : I think that says it all.

  Harvey Holroyd : [whispering]  These are exciting times, aren't they? Gas is over a dollar a gallon and it's okay to be an asshole.

  Kate Linville Holroyd : [whispering]  Shh!

• Angela Stone : I think it's wonderful that Martha and Bill have a marriage contract that spells out everything. I wish we had a contract.

  Sam Stone : You mean like who takes out the garbage? That kind of everything?

  Bill : Every kind of everything. How often, who starts it, everything.

  Sam Stone : You mean nookie?

  Angela Stone : Sam.

  Bill : Sexual responsibilities are covered, yes.

  Sam Stone : He means Nookie!

  Angela Stone : Oh, Sam, for god's sake.

  Sam Stone : Where do I sign? It's gotta be better than my present deal.

• Harvey Holroyd : You know Kate, and the way she feels about polluting the atmosphere.

  Sam Stone : What has the atmosphere ever done for you?

  Harvey Holroyd : Not much lately.

  Sam Stone : You know, Angela's on that ecology committee, too. Big deal. Last month they saved the condor. You ever see a condor?

  Harvey Holroyd : Not up close.

  Sam Stone : Scare the shit out of you!

• Sam Stone : Harvey, will you be good to yourself and use your car? Will you take a look at this? 6,000 pounds of solid comfort. It takes up space, it pollutes the atmosphere, it scares the birds, fuck 'em. I love it!

• Sam Stone : Did you see Carson last night?

  Harvey Holroyd : No, I missed it.

  Sam Stone : Johnny had this chick on with incredible jugs, and he turned to the audience and says "We'll be right back after a few tits from our sponsor."

  Harvey Holroyd : Come on.

  Sam Stone : I swear to god. I swear to god! I almost fell out of bed!

• Harvey Holroyd : Sam, do you and Angela spend a lot of time having meaningful discussions about your marriage?

  Sam Stone : You didn't get laid this morning either, huh?

• Sam Stone : Harvey, I figured it out once. From the first time you whack off to that final feeble fuck, a man has got maybe seven, eight thousand bullets in the old pistol. I got a thousand, fifteen hundred left. At the rate Angela and I are going, when I die, I'm gonna leave behind a major munitions dump.