Ray Peterson: [chanting] I'm not going to listen to this, I'm not going to hear this now.
Art: Ray! Ray! You're chanting!
Art: [points to book] Ray. Ray, look.
Art: Ray, unconscious chanting! You're chanting!
Ray Peterson: [continues chanting with fingers in ears]
Art: [chants] I want to kill everyone. Satan is good. Satan is our pal.
Art: Ray. Ray, you're chanting! Hey, once they
[points to book]
Art: get in here...
[points to Ray's head]
Art: ...it's over, pal.
Ray Peterson: I've never seen that. I've never seen anybody drive their garbage down to the street and bang the hell out of it with a stick. I-I've never seen that.
Ricky Butler: Ya know, did you ever see the movie, "The Sentinel", Mr. Peterson? It's about the old guy who owned the apartment, which is kind of like the, uh, gateway to Hell?
Ray Peterson: No, I... I didn't see that.
Ricky Butler: Oh, well, I was doing some thinking. And, you know, being that their last house burnt down and all, it's like, maybe... somebody left the gate open.
[a generator starts up from the Klopek's basement]
Art Wiengartner: It's them. They're movin' around again. Ya know... it was a night just like this that it happened.
Ricky Butler: What happened, Mr. Weingartner?
Art Wiengartner: Oh, it was a long time ago, Ricky. Hinkley Hills was a lot smaller then... safer too! You never had to lock your doors. Everybody knew everybody. I must have been maybe oh nine - ten years-old. You know where the big mall is?
Ricky Butler: Yeah.
Art Wiengartner: Well, there used to be a big drugstore on the corner there, had a big soda fountain, remember?
Ray Peterson: Yeah.
Art Wiengartner: Yeah, and the guy who ran it was a - was a rotund guy, had glasses. His name was Skip. Lived over on Elm, had a wife, a couple of kids, ya know? Not too sharp, I mean, hey the guy's 40 years old, he's wearing a paper hat and he's makin' cherry Cokes, it's a cinch he's not runnin' for governor, right?
Art Wiengartner: Anyway, it got hot that summer, I remember it got REAL hot. It was sweltering. Ya know that heat where your underwear sweats and it crawls up the... anyway, it's hot, okay? And they start... they start smellin' this... this really vile stench over on Elm and they figure it's comin' from Skip's place. And no one wants to say anything, I mean, what do you do, go knock on the guys door, "Hi, you're house stinks"? So - so people are trying to ignore it, right? They're trying to pretend it - it isn't happening. A-and you know those pine things? They're trying to cover up with those pine things that you can put in cars. People are hanging those on their porches.
Art Wiengartner: Oh, you think that's funny, Rick?
Ricky Butler: Well, yeah.
Art Wiengartner: Well yeah - let me tell you what happened next, OK. The state health inspector shows up. They go over, they talk to Skip, he says he's got a sump pump problem. They leave. Hey, they guy's got a sewer problem, he says he'll look after it, everything's okay, right?
Ricky Butler: Right.
Art Wiengartner: Wrong. A couple hours later there's smoke pouring out of the windows of Skip's house. The firemen show up, they go into Skip's house. Ya know what they find?
Ricky Butler: What?
Art Wiengartner: Skip's family, dead. Murdered... by Skip... weeks earlier... with an ice pick. Yeah, the guy killed his own family with an ice pick. Yeah... yeah just put 'em in the cool basement, covered 'em up with a sheet and went back to makin' ice cream treats for the townsfolk. Only thing... Skip didn't count on there being a big heat wave that summer. You know what that was that all those people were smelling over on Elm, Ricky?
Ricky Butler: What?
Art Wiengartner: Skip's family's bodies, decomposing in the summer heat
Art Wiengartner: . Yeah apparently, one day Skip made just made one too many lemon phosphates,
Art Wiengartner: El snappo!
Ray Peterson: Remember what you were saying about people in the 'burbs, Art, people like Skip, people who mow their lawn for the 800th time, and then SNAP? WELL, THAT'S US. IT'S NOT THEM, THAT'S US. WE'RE the ones who are vaulting over the fences, and peeking in through people's windows. We're the ones who are THROWING GARBAGE IN THE STREET, AND LIGHTING FIRES. WE'RE THE ONES WHO ARE ACTING SUSPICIOUS AND PARANOID, ART. WE'RE THE LUNATICS. US. IT'S NOT THEM. It's us.
Art Wiengartner: [after a pause] I don't know what to say... What, do you want me to move?
Art Wiengartner: [finds a femur] Ray, there's no doubt anymore. This is real. Your neighbors are murdering people. They're chopping them up. They're burying them in their backyard. Ray... This is Walter.
[They both scream]
Mark Rumsfield: Smells like they're cooking a goddamn cat over there.
Ray Peterson: Nobody knocks off an old man in my neighborhood and gets away with it.
Art Wiengartner: Go ahead, tell him, Ray. We got the goods on them, don't we? You know, some day they're going to dig up the back of that yard and they're gonna find the rest of that skeleton to go with that femur. Oh it might not be Walter but it's gonna be some...
Ray Peterson: Shut up. SHUT UP, ART, SHUT UP! God, you don't know when to quit, do you? Look at me! I'm a shell of a man because of you, Art!
Vic, Garbageman #1: I hate cul-de-sacs. There's only one way out, and the people are kind of weird.
Mark Rumsfield: There go the Goddamn brownies!
Ricky Butler: God I love this street.
Art: Now they know that we know that they know that we know.
Art: I think the message to, uh, psychos, fanatics, murderers, nutcases all over the world is, uh, "do not mess with suburbanites". Because, uh, frankly we're just not gonna take it any more. Ya know, we're not gonna be content to look after our lawns and wax our cars, paint out houses. We're out to get them, Don, we are out to get them.
Art: Hey, hey, hey. Who the heck ordered the blood shake? Hey, Ray, it's not Skip. It's me, Art. I'm just pretending to be Skip. Say, you didn't happen to see an ice pick around here, did you?
Mark Rumsfield: In Southeast Asia we'd call this kind of thing bad karma.
Mark Rumsfield: Here you go, sonny - a little something for the old sweet tooth.
Ray Peterson: I'm gonna go do something productive. I'm gonna go watch television.
Ray Peterson: I've been blown up, take me to the hospital.
[Lies on a gurney]
Ray Peterson: Take me to a hospital, I'm sick. What...?
[Jumps up, throws the gurney in back of an ambulance than jumps on top of it]
Carol Peterson: Honey? I'll just find out what hospital they're taking you to and then I'll... Follow right along. Okay?
Ray Peterson: [Lying face down on the gurney] Okay, honey.
Mark Rumsfield: What have you got in the cellar, HERR Klopek!
Art Wiengartner: A thermostat on a home furnace; is that supposed to go to 5,000 degrees, you think?
Mark Rumsfield: [Ray takes Walter's toupee out of his shorts] Are you implying that you've been carrying that around in your shorts all day?
Ray Peterson: After you left Walter's house yesterday, I slipped this back in, through the mail slot.
Art Wiengartner: Well, where'd you get this then?
[Ray gestures to the Klopeck's house]
Ray Peterson: After the dog came up out of the basement, I found it wedged in between a bunch of magazines all of which I might add, were addressed to Walter!
Art Wiengartner: Then that means that...
Mark Rumsfield: Klopeck went back into the house and got the hair. What do we do now, soldier?
Ray Peterson: Well you heard them say they're leaving tomorrow morning? As soon as they're gone, I'm going over that fence, and I'm not coming back until I find a dead body.
Ray Peterson: So they keep to themselves, can you blame them? They live next door to people who break in their house, AND BURN IT DOWN while they're gone for the day!
[loud gunshots are heard]
Ray: Art's got a gun
Carol Peterson: You were up at the crack of dawn watching a dog poop.
Mark Rumsfield: I know you're in there, old man! Listen up, mister! That piece of scum barking rat of yours has just taken his last dump on my lawn! I find one more- just one- I'm gonna catch him and staple his ass shut!
Mr. Rumsfield: Affirmative. That garbage is going nowhere. I say we wait till first light. Scope me.
Ray Peterson: You wanna take that out of your pocket? You wanna not steal that from Walter's house, please?
Art Wiengartner: I'm telling you these people are Satanists. As I sit here, they are satanists. Look, look, the world is full of these kind of things - black masses, mutilations. Mutilations! The incubus, the succubus - I'm tellin' you, Walter was a human sacrifice.
Art Wiengartner: Ray, do you want 'em to take your family, kidnap 'em, tear their livers out and make some kind of satanic pâté?
[Art and Ricky are sitting on the porch when Ray comes out]
Art: He comes over here to smoke cigars, his wife won't let him, he doesnt know i know that... Hiya Ray! How ya doing bud?
Carol Peterson: Where are you going?
Ray Peterson: I can't walk anywhere without you asking me where I'm going - I'm going to Paris, France, okay? I'm going to Banff, Canada, alright? That's where I'm going.
Carol Peterson: Are you taking the dog?
Ray Peterson: Yeah, yeah, I'm taking the dog for a walk.
Art Wiengartner: I don't know if you've noticed, but there's bars on the basement windows here.
Ray Peterson: They've got holes in their porch, too.
Art Wiengartner: Argh! That was a booby trap.
Ray Peterson: Are you okay?
Art Wiengartner: Yeah.
Ray Peterson: Oh, booby trap. I'm not gonna pay for that.
Art Wiengartner: We shouldn't pay for that, we should sue them.
Ray Peterson: I'm a broken man because of you, Art!
Mark Rumsfield: Are you totally pussy-whipped, or what? Why don't you just take your balls out of your wifes purse... make a stand for one time in your life.
Ricky: Ya know, did you ever see the movie "The Sentinel," Mr Peterson? It's about the old guy who owns the apartment which is kinda like the, uh, gateway to hell.
Ray Peterson: No, I, I didn't see that.
Ricky: Well, I was doin' some thinkin' and you know, being that their last house burned down and all, it's like maybe, somebody left the gate open.
Dr. Werner Klopek: Do I look like an idiot, Mr. Peterson?
Ray Peterson: ...No.
Dr. Werner Klopek: Do you take me for an imbecile?
Ray Peterson: ...No.
Dr. Werner Klopek: You may have fooled the others, Mr. Peterson, but you don't fool me.
Ray Peterson: I-I-I-I fooled the others?
Dr. Werner Klopek: But you don't fool me.
Ray Peterson: I don't?
Dr. Werner Klopek: No you don't.
Ray Peterson: Am I missing something here, Dr. Klopek?
Dr. Werner Klopek: Come now, Mr. Peterson, you were in my basement. Surely, you looked in the furnace.
Ray Peterson: Well I-I-I-I saw your furnace, Doctor. I figured a man's furnace is his own business.
Dr. Werner Klopek: You saw one of my skulls, didn't you? Oh yes, I know you did. It belonged to a neighbor of yours. The name was Knapp. We took the house from them. I offered to buy it, but you know how old people are, they grow so attached to things.
Ray Peterson: Uh, you know, Dr. Klopek, I think I forgot my wallet...
[Tries to get up but is held down]
Dr. Werner Klopek: I let you keep the femur, but now, now I want my skull. Or perhaps, I might just take yours. Hans!
Mark Rumsfield: What'd you say we all sit down for a little of the old face-to-face, hey What-Rube?
Art Wiengartner: I can see the news report now - they were a quiet family, kept pretty much to themselves. No one would have ever suspected them of foul play.
Art: Rumsfield and I, we flushed them out. We wrote a note, we slipped it under the door, we rang the bell and then we ran.
Ray Peterson: You did that?
Ray Peterson: [Jumps up] OH GEEZ! STUPID IDI - I can't believe you -...
[Crushes a beer can in each hand]
Art: All I did was write, "I know what you've done". That's all. I didn't sign it.
Ray Peterson: OH! I can't belie - YOU STUPID... GOD!
Art: You gotta goose these people every once in a while. You gotta give them a little shot, give them a little whack, let them know that you're there.
Carol Peterson: Ray... Ray, where are you going? Come back to bed.
[Ray heads outside]
Mark Rumsfield: We caught ya, Reub. You think you've been playing us for saps but you were wrong.
Art: You know what the deal is? We gotta go down to the religious supply store. We gotta get a couple of gallons of holy water. My cousin Gary is a priest. He can get us a deal!
Art Wiengartner: [chanting] I want to kill everyone. Satan is good, Satan is our pal.
Mark Rumsfield: Shut up and paint your GODDAMN HOUSE!
Mark Rumsfield: Let's cut this "nice" crap. We know what's goin' on here. What's the weird Goddamn noise comin' from the basement?
Ray Peterson: I've been blown up, take me to the hospital!