Drop Dead Fred : Quotes

Fred: Well why don't we harpoon Charles straight through the head, drag him back to the apartment, and hit him with a hammer until he agrees to come back?
Elizabeth: Harpoon him through the head. That won't work Fred.
Fred: Why not? How many times have you tried it?
Share this quote
Elizabeth: Mother, do you remember when I was little, I had a friend, he was make-believe?
Polly: No.
Elizabeth: Don't you remember? Only I could see him?
Polly: No, I don't remember Drop Dead Fred at all.
Share this quote
Fred: It takes more than a fire truck to stop Drop Dead Fred.
Share this quote
Fred: I can't believe we left the party so soon. And there was so much wine to spit around the place.
Elizabeth: I got upset.
Fred: "I got upset." God, you're so stupid. You never leave a party 'til the very very end.
Elizabeth: Oh really?
Fred: Yeah really.
Elizabeth: Well what about Cinderella? Remember what happened with her?
Fred: No I don't remember what happened *with her*. I deliberately forgot all about her. She made me puke. I remember the ugly stepsisters, they were great.
Share this quote
Elizabeth: Oh, I almost forgot.
[picks her nose and wipes the snot on Charles's face]
Share this quote
Fred: Look, you've got you now. You don't need me.
Share this quote
Elizabeth: [to Polly] I'm not afraid of you!
Fred: Finally, the magic words!
Share this quote
Young Elizabeth: Maybe Mommy's right. I never do anything right.
Fred: No! You're great. She's not.
Share this quote
[Polly has just finished reading a Fairy Tale]
Young Elizabeth: Did they live happily ever after?
Polly: Of Course Elizabeth.
Young Elizabeth: How do you know?
Polly: Because, she was a good little girl, if she would have been naughty, the Prince would have run away.
Young Elizabeth: What a pile of shit.
Share this quote
[Fred looks up a woman's dress]
Fred: No panties. No panties.
Share this quote
Fred: Drown the fishes.
Share this quote
Fred: [Looking up Polly's skirt] Wow.
[Looks at Elizabeth and points up]
Fred: Cobwebs.
Share this quote
Fred: You see when something's not working right, the best thing to do is tear it apart to make it better.
Share this quote
Young Elizabeth: Daddy, why don't we throw mommy out the window? It won't hurt her. She'll land in the gladiolas.
Nigel: You shouldn't say things like that about your mother... She might cut your head off.
Share this quote
Fred: Oh no, Mickey Fart-Pants. Whoever let HIM grow up?
Share this quote
Fred: Morning. So who's for snot flicking?
Share this quote
[after just seeing Elizabeth's mother]
Fred: Is it? It is. the mega-bitch.
Share this quote
Fred: [to Elizabeth] You got married? You mean you've been doing it like the pigeons? No! Yuck!
Share this quote
[Elizabeth and Charles are lying down, making out on the sofa]
Fred: Hold on, hold on that's now how the pigeons do it. You're supposed to stamp on her head and peck her
Share this quote
[after just meeting Elizabeth for the first time in years]
Fred: Hello, snotface. Yuck what happened to you? You're all older, you're even uglier! Look, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to be sick all over you, immediately. Lie down.
Share this quote
Fred: Boo!
Elizabeth: Ahhh!
Fred: Hello, Snotface! Yuck! What happened to you? Look at you. You're all older. You're even uglier. Uch. I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to be sick all over you immediately. Lie down.
[Pushes Elizabeth down on the bed]
Fred: Hang on. Where's all the dolls?
Elizabeth: [Whispers] Drop Dead Fred.
Fred: Where is the dolls?
[Throws dolls at Elizabeth]
Fred: I wanna play with the-Ah hah! The dolls! Hello, Jemima. Hello, Angelec.
[Makes the dolls say 'Hello.']
Fred: You're gonna die!
[Screams and hits Jemima's head against the door. Bites off Angelec's head. Throws dolls]
Fred: Mr. Pooh!
[Makes Mr. Pooh say 'Hello.']
Fred: You die too!
[Makes Mr. Pooh say 'No no no.']
Fred: Yes yes yes.
[Screams and rips Mr. Pooh's stuffing out while throwing the stuffing at Elizabeth]
Fred: [Makes Mr. Pooh scream 'No! My intestines. Not my intestines!']
[Spits on Mr. Pooh]
Elizabeth: [Whispers] I must be dreaming.
Share this quote
Fred: I don't love you because love is for girls and girls are disgusting
Share this quote
Fred: I am a loner, a crazy wide eyed loner on a doomed mission to Venus to battle with the 3 headed mega beast but on the way I caught cornflakes disease.
Share this quote
Fred: Snotface, look... INK - let's write something on the carpet... I know how 'bout "Mother SUCKS".
Share this quote
Fred: [sitting between Elizabeth and Mickey] Oh great. Now I'm stuck between two complete utter girls.
Share this quote
Fred: You just put a piece of broccoli in your mouth and said, "Mm, what a lovely piece of broccoli."
Share this quote
Charles: Does this Fred play rough?
Elizabeth: Only with me.
Charles: Jesus.
Share this quote
Fred: I wrote the note. Hahahahaha! Haven't got a husband! Haven't got a husband! Got a stupid hair cut!
Share this quote
Fred: [while dancing in the chair in the living room with dog poo on his shoes] Dog poo, dog poo, yucky yucky dog poo. Dog poo on the chair... all on the sides, all up there, yucky yucky smelly dog poo!
Share this quote
[Mickey wants to be as 'crazy' as Elizabeth, and he starts hurling pasta at couples in the resturarant]
Waiter #2: [approaches]
Fred: Uh-oh!
Waiter #2: [furioudly] YOU DON'T THROW SPAGHETTI IN MY RESTRUARANT!
Mickey Bunce: [mimicking his Italian accent] Ok, oka fine - YOU DO IT!
[he slaps his hands underneath the plates the waiter is holding in each hand, sending them flying across the room]
Share this quote
Elizabeth: Go away
Fred: go away? why do you want me to go away? Fine! say the magic words and i'll piss off
Elizabeth: Piss off!
Fred: Ha! I lied those weren't the magic words
Polly: What did you say?
Fred: She told you to piss off
Share this quote
Fred: I'm not afraid of the megabeast!
Young Elizabeth: I'm not either, when she comes in here we'll make her eat up all this mud!
Fred: Yeah... and then we'll cut her head off...
Young Elizabeth: with scissors...
Fred: Yeah... and then we'll make her eat it
Young Elizabeth: ...make her eat her own head... with what?
Fred: Oh yeah, well I'll eat her head then.
Young Elizabeth: And I'll eat the rest of her!
Fred: Yeah! And then we'll get up and poo her all over the table cause we're not afraid of anything
Fred/Young Elizabeth: yeah, yeah YEAH!
Share this quote
Fred: [pulls Elizabeth towards the stairs] Come on!
Elizabeth: Where are we going?
Fred: Playtime!
[slides down the bannister]
Fred: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
[he slaps straight into the newel post at the bottom]
Elizabeth: [in pain] Ahhh! Oooooh! WHO PUT THAT THERE?
Share this quote
Polly: [walks up to Nigel who is holding young Elizabeth at the bottom of the stairs]
[offering him the tape]
Polly: Nigel, do it.
Nigel: No, I won't. I don't want anything to do with it, it's not right.
Polly: Alright, I'll do it.
[begins to tape the jack-in-the-box close]
Nigel: [kisses Elizabeth and then goes to Polly]
[quietly]
Nigel: It's not right.
Polly: What do you know about raising a child?
Nigel: [looks to Elizabeth and to Polly] Apparently nothing.
[he leaves the house]
Share this quote
Fred: [sitting inside the refrigerator]
[about Charles]
Fred: Snotface, he's the wrong man for you.
Elizabeth: I don't want to hear it
Fred: You're not happy.
[Elizabeth closes the fridge door]
Elizabeth: Yes I am.
Fred: [crawling from underneath a counter] Well, if you're so happy, then why I am still here, hmm?
Elizabeth: I can fix that.
[she pulls out the pills]
Fred: Oh no, don't do that. No, please, don't do that. Do-
[Elizabeth takes the pill, he dubs over in pain. While grinding pepper, Elizabeth sneezes and sends Fred bouncing against the walls]
Share this quote
Mickey Bunce: [comes home to find his daughter Natalie, covered with chocolate. He kneels next to her] Natalie, what happened?
Natalie Bunce: We wanted some chocolate! It's yummy, do you want some?
[offers Mickey her hand to lick]
Mickey Bunce: [chuckles] No, I don't want any.
Ms. Fuzzock: This young lady has made quite a mess in the kitchen, and she expects me to believe that some pretend friend did it.
Natalie Bunce: He's not pretend! He's drop dead Fred!
Elizabeth: [kneels down to speak to Natalie] What did you say?
Fred: [appearing from behind a tree] She said I'm not pretend. What are you deaf?
Mickey Bunce: Natalie, come on, what really happened?
Natalie Bunce: I'm telling you the truth! Don't you believe me?
Elizabeth: I believe you. Next time you see that drop dead Fred. You give him my love.
Share this quote
[first lines]
Polly: And the prince took the beautiful young girl in his arms and said, will you marry me? Yes, she whispered, I will be your princess.
Young Elizabeth: Did they live happily ever after?
Polly: Of course, Elizabeth.
[tucking her in]
Young Elizabeth: How do you know?
Polly: Because she was a good little girl. If she had been naughty, the prince would have run away.
Young Elizabeth: What a pile of shit!
Share this quote
Fred: Just kiss me, and say Drop Dead Fred... now
Share this quote
[Fred appears in front of a mirror]
Fred: Boo!
Elizabeth: Aaah!
Fred: [laughing] Shit yourself?
Elizabeth: I thought you were dead.
Fred: Hey, it takes more than a fire truck to stop Drop Dead Fred.
Share this quote
[Fred sees Elizabeth and Charles]
Fred: Ugh! What does that taste like?
[Elizabeth elbows him in the gut]
Share this quote
[forces Elizabeth into her room]
Nurse: Good night, flake!
Fred: Yeah, well, we're not scared of you, fatso!
[the door locks]
Share this quote