Macaulay Culkin: Kevin
Photos
Quotes
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Cedrick the Bellman : Do you know how the TV works?
Kevin McCallister : I'm 10 years old; TV's my life.
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Kevin McCallister : Howdy do. This is Peter McCallister, the father. I'd like a hotel room please, with an extra large bed, a TV, and one of those little refrigerators you have to open with a key. Credit card? You got it.
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Kevin McCallister : Did you have any kids?
Bird Lady : No. Oh, l wanted them. But the man I loved fell out of love with me. That broke my heart. And whenever the chance to be loved came along again, I ran away from it. I stopped trusting people.
Kevin McCallister : No offense, but that seems like sort of a dumb thing to do.
Bird Lady : I was afraid of getting my heart broken again. You see, sometimes you can trust a person, and then, when things are down, they forget about you.
Kevin McCallister : Maybe they're just too busy. Maybe they don't forget about you, but they forget to remember you. l don't think people mean to forget. l think it just happens. My grandfather says if my head wasn't screwed on, I'd leave it on the school bus.
Bird Lady : I'm just afraid if I do trust someone, I'll get my heart broken again.
Kevin McCallister : I understand that. l used to have this really nice pair of rollerblades. l was afraid if l wore them, l'd wreck them. So l kept them in a box. Do you know what happened?
Bird Lady : No.
Kevin McCallister : I outgrew them. I never wore them once outside. l just wore them in my room a couple times.
Bird Lady : A person's heart and a person's feelings are very different than skates.
Kevin McCallister : Well, they're kind of the same thing. lf you aren't going to use your heart, then what's the difference if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it'll be like my rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won't be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose.
Bird Lady : A bit of truth in there somewhere.
Kevin McCallister : I think so. Your heart might still be broken, but it isn't gone. If it was gone, you wouldn't be this nice.
Bird Lady : Thank you. Do you know that it's been... a couple of years since l've talked to anybody?
Kevin McCallister : That's okay. You're really good at it. You're not boring. You don't mumble or spit when you talk. You should do it more often. l think you just have to wear an outfit that doesn't have pigeon poop on it.
Bird Lady : [laughs] l have been working very hard at keeping people away, haven't l?
Kevin McCallister : l always think l'll have a lot of fun if l'm alone, but when l'm alone, it isn't that much fun at all. I don't care how much people bug me sometimes, l'd rather be with somebody than by myself.
Bird Lady : So what are you doing running around the streets on Christmas Eve on your own? Did you get into trouble?
Kevin McCallister : Yeah.
Bird Lady : You've done something wrong?
Kevin McCallister : A lot of things.
Bird Lady : Did you know that a good deed erases a bad deed?
Kevin McCallister : It's getting pretty late. l don't know if l'll have enough time to do all the good deeds l need to erase all the bad ones l did.
Bird Lady : Well, it's Christmas Eve. Good deeds count for extra tonight.
Kevin McCallister : They do?
Bird Lady : [nods] Of course they do. So what you must do now is you must think of the most important thing that you can do for others and go and do it. Just follow the star in your heart.
Bird Lady : Okay. It's getting pretty late. I'd better get going.
Bird Lady : [starts leaving] If I don't see you, I hope everything turns out okay.
Kevin McCallister : Thank you.
Kevin McCallister : Say goodbye to your birds for me.
Bird Lady : I will.
Kevin McCallister : [looks at her] Merry Christmas.
Bird Lady : Merry Christmas.
Kevin McCallister : If you need somebody to trust, it can be me. I won't forget to remember you.
Bird Lady : Don't make promises you can't keep.
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Kevin McCallister : Hey. You guys give up? Have you had enough pain?
Marv : Nevah!
Harry : [Shakes head at Marv]
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Peter McCallister : Hey Kevin, you better go put your tie on. We don't wanna be late for the Christmas pageant.
Kevin McCallister : My tie is in the bathroom and I can't go in because Uncle Frank is taking a shower. He says that if I walked in there and saw him naked, I'd grow up never feeling like a real man.
[Peter and Kate stare]
Kevin McCallister : Whatever that means.
Peter McCallister : [after a pause, chuckles] I'm sure he was kidding. Just, uh, run in there, get your tie, get out, and don't look at... Anything.
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Waiter : Two scoops, sir?
Kevin McCallister : Two? Make it three; I'm not driving.
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Kevin McCallister : Oh no. My family's in Florida, and I'm in New York...
[Gleefully]
Kevin McCallister : My family's in Florida... I'm in... New York?
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Kevin McCallister : You can mess with a lot of things, but you can't mess with kids on Christmas.
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Mr. E.F. Duncan, Owner Duncan's Toy Chest : You see that tree there? Well, to show our appreciation for your generosity, I'm gonna let you select an object from that tree that you can take home with you.
Kevin McCallister : For free?
Mr. E.F. Duncan, Owner Duncan's Toy Chest : Oh, yes. Oh, and may I make a suggestion? Take the turtle doves.
Kevin McCallister : I can have two?
Mr. E.F. Duncan, Owner Duncan's Toy Chest : Well, two turtle doves. I'll tell you what you do: you keep one, and you give the other one to a very special person. You see, turtle doves are a symbol of friendship and love. And as long as each of you has your turtle dove, you'll be friends forever.
Kevin McCallister : Wow, I never knew that. I thought they were just part of a song.
Mr. E.F. Duncan, Owner Duncan's Toy Chest : They are. And for that very special reason.
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Kate McCallister : [counting passports] 11, 12, 13... Where's Kevin?
Kevin McCallister : [appears in front seat and takes the last passport] Fourteen. It's a good thing I have my own ticket, just in case you guys try to ditch me.
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Cedric the Bellman : You know, Herbert Hoover once stayed here on this floor.
Kevin McCallister : The vacuum guy?
Cedric the Bellman : No, the uh, President.
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[Kevin is watching a video of an old gangster movie]
Gangster : [on TV] You was here last night too, wasn't ya?
Dame : [on TV] I was singing at the Blue Monkey last night.
Kevin McCallister : She was not, she was smooching with your brother.
Gangster : You was here. And you was smoochin' with my brother!
Kevin McCallister : See?
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Harry : Sonny!
Kevin McCallister : Yes?
Harry : Nothing would thrill me more greatly than to shoot you. Knocking off a youngster ain't gonna mean all that much to me. Okay? But since we're in a hurry, I'll made a deal with you: you throw down your camera and we won't hurt you. You'll never hear from us again. Okay?
Kevin McCallister : You promise?
Harry : I cross my heart and hope to die.
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Kevin McCallister : Excuse me, where's the lobby?
Donald Trump : Down the hall and to the left.
Kevin McCallister : Thanks.
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Kevin McCallister : Don't you know a kid always wins against two idiots?
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Kevin McCallister : It's a nice night for a neck injury.
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Harry : [Yelling up to Kevin] Sonny.
Kevin McCallister : Yeah!
Harry : Nothing would make me happier than to kill you. Knockin' off a youngster doesn't mean a lot to me. But, since we're in a hurry, I'll make a deal with you. Throw down your camera, and we won't hurt you, you'll never hear from us again.
Kevin McCallister : You promise?
Harry : [Rubbing his chest with his finger] I cross my heart and hope to die.
Kevin McCallister : Okay.
Harry : Okay, kid. Give it to me.
[Then Kevin picks up a brick and tosses it down, hitting Marv and he collapses to the ground]
Kevin McCallister : Direct hit!
Harry : [Holds up his fingers] How many fingers am I holding up, Marv?
Marv : [Dazed] Uh, eight.
Harry : [to Kevin] Okay, kid. You wanna throw bricks, go ahead and throw another one.
[Kevin throws another brick and it hits Marv]
Harry : If you can't do any better than that kid, you're gonna lose.
Marv : Harry, no.
[Kevin throws down another brick, hitting Marv again]
Harry : You got anymore?
[to Marv]
Harry : C'mon Marv! Get up! He don't got anymore bricks. He's out of 'em.
[Marv points up and makes incoherent noises, signaling that Kevin is about to throw another brick]
Harry : What?
[Kevin throws the brick, and once again hits Marv]
Harry : That did it! Nobody throws bricks at me and gets away with it.
[to Marv]
Harry : C'mon Marv. Get up. You go this way, I'll go around back.
Marv : [Still Dazed] Harry. Harry. Harry.
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Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge : I do hope your father understands that last night I was simply checking the room to make sure everything was in order.
Kevin McCallister : Well he was pretty mad.
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge : He was?
Kevin McCallister : He said he didn't come all the way to New York to get his naked rear end spied on.
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Buzz McCallister : Okay, everybody, calm down! Calm down! Hey, hey! All right, now, if Kevin hadn't have screwed up in the first place again... Then we wouldn't be in this most perfect and huge hotel room with a truck load of all this free stuff. So I think it only fair that Kevin get to open up the first present. And then I'll go, and the rest of you, and so on.
[Tosses a package to Kevin]
Buzz McCallister : Merry Christmas, Kevin.
Kevin McCallister : Thanks, Buzz.
Peter McCallister : [the entire family applauds] Merry Christmas, Kevin.
Uncle Frank McCallister : Okaaay, Kevin! All right, Merry Christmas!
Buzz McCallister : Okay, enough of this gooey sh... Show of emotion. All right, everyone, let's dig in!
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Concierge : And how are we this morning?
Kevin McCallister : Fine. Is my transportation here?
Concierge : Out in front, sir. A limousine and a... pi-zza! Compliments of the Plaza Hotel.
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Kevin McCallister : I'm sorry, you wanted a tip.
Cedrick the Bellman : That won't be necessary, sir. I still have some...
[Shows Kevin a piece of chewed gum]
Cedrick the Bellman : tip left over.
Kevin McCallister : [takes out a bundle of cash] No tip? Okay.
[Kevin closes the door as Cedric repeatedly begs him not to close it]
Cedrick the Bellman : Uh, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait...
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Kevin McCallister : [staring at the Rockefeller Center tree] I know I don't deserve a Christmas, even if I did do a good deed. I don't want any presents. Instead, I want to take back every mean thing I ever said to my family. Even if they don't take back the things they said to me. I don't care. I love all of them... Including Buzz. I know it isn't possible to see them all. Could I just see my mother? I'll never want another thing as long as I live if I can just see my mother. I know I won't see her tonight, but promise me I can see her again. Sometime. Any time. Even if it's just once and only for a couple of minutes. I just need to tell her I'm sorry.
Kate McCallister : Kevin?
Kevin McCallister : Mom?
[Turns back to the tree]
Kevin McCallister : Wow, that worked fast.
Kevin McCallister : Mom, I'm sorry.
Kate McCallister : I'm sorry, too.
[She laughs, he smiles as they hug]
Kevin McCallister : Merry Christmas, Mom.
Kate McCallister : Merry Christmas, sweetheart.
[to herself]
Kate McCallister : Oh, thank you.
[to Kevin]
Kate McCallister : Come on.
Kevin McCallister : How'd you know I was here?
Kate McCallister : Well, I knew you and Christmas trees, and this is the biggest one around.
Kevin McCallister : Where's everybody else?
Kate McCallister : They're at the hotel. They didn't like the palm trees, either.
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Kevin McCallister : Excuse me, but this is an emergency. What city is it out there?
NY Ticket Agent : It's New York, sir.
Kevin McCallister : [Gasps] Yikes, I did it again.
NY Ticket Agent : Something's wrong, sir?
Kevin McCallister : [in shocked whisper] I'll be fine...
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Kevin McCallister : You've gotta help me; there's two guys after me.
Concierge : [sarcastically] What's the matter? Store wouldn't take your...
[pulls Kevin's credit card out of his pocket]
Concierge : Stolen credit card? Let's see what the police have to say about this.
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Kevin McCallister : Boy, it's scary out there.
Cab Driver : [turns around to reveal his frightening face] Ain't much better in here, kid.
[Kevin gasps in horror and flees the cab]
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Kevin McCallister : I won't forget to remember you.
Bird Lady : Don't make promises you can't keep.
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[Kevin looks out his Plaza hotel window and sees a shining star on the top of a building as a choir sings "Christmas Star" in the background]
Kevin McCallister : Good night, Mom.
Kate McCallister : [looking out a hotel window in Florida, where it's raining] Good night, Kevin.
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Mrs. Stone, Desk Clerk : I'm confused.
Kevin McCallister : I'm traveling with my dad. He's at a meeting. I hate meetings. Plus I'm not allowed to go in. I can only sit in the lobby. That's boring. So he dropped me off here. He gave me his credit card and told me to give this to whoever was welcoming people in so I won't get into mischief. And ma'am, sometimes I do get into mischief.
[Mrs. Stone glares at him]
Kevin McCallister : We *all* do!
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Buzz McCallister : [after making a formal non-pology to the family; whispers to Kevin] Beat that, you little trout sniffer.
Kevin McCallister : [gets up] I'm not sorry. I did what I did because Buzz humiliated me and since he gets away with everything, I let him have it. And since you're all so STUPID to believe his lies, I don't care if your idiotic Florida trip gets wrecked or not! Who wants to spend Christmas in a tropical climate, anyway?
[turns to leave]
Kate McCallister : Kevin!
Peter McCallister : Kevin, you walk out of here, you sleep on the third floor.
Fuller McCallister : [gleefully] Yeah, with me.
Kevin McCallister : So what else is new?
Uncle Frank McCallister : You better not wreck my trip, you little sour puss, your dad's paying good money for it.
Kevin McCallister : Oh, wouldn't wanna spoil your fun, Mr. Cheapskate!
[Exits]
Buzz McCallister : What a troubled young man.
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Mrs. Stone, Desk Clerk : Can I help you?
Kevin McCallister : A reservation for McCallister?
Mrs. Stone, Desk Clerk : A reservation for yourself?
Kevin McCallister : Ma'am, my feet are hardly touching the ground. I'm barely able to look over the counter. How can I make a reservation for a hotel room? Think about it. A kid coming into a hotel, making a reservation? I don't think so.
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Cedrick the Bellman : [presents a pair of boxers] Your drawers, sir.
Kevin McCallister : [grabs them] Geez! Don't flash these babies around here; there could be girls on this floor!
Cedrick the Bellman : I was very careful, sir.
Kevin McCallister : You can't be too careful when it involves underwear.
Cedrick the Bellman : I understand.
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Kate McCallister : Honey, are you packed yet?
Kevin McCallister : [records into Talk Boy] Yes.
Talk Boy : [plays back] Yes.
Kate McCallister : Everything I put out for you?
Kevin McCallister : [records into Talk Boy] Yes.
Talk Boy : [plays back] Yes.
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Hotel Operator : Plaza Hotel reservations, may I help you?
Kevin McCallister : [using a tape recorder in a low voice] How do you do? This is Peter McCallister, the faaather.
Hotel Operator : Yes, sir.
Kevin McCallister : I'd like a hotel room, please...
Hotel Operator : Yes.
Kevin McCallister : ...with an extra large bed, a TV, and one of those little refrigerators you have to open with a key.
Hotel Operator : Yes, sir, you'll need a major credit card upon check in.
Kevin McCallister : Credit card? You got it.
Hotel Operator : Thank you. Enjoy your stay.
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[Marv and Harry are climbing down a rope to get to Kevin]
Marv : [sniffing] Harry? You wearin' aftershave?
Harry : That's not aftershave, that's kerosene. The rope is soaked in it!
Marv : [chuckles] WHO would want to soak a rope in kerosene?
[Kevin strikes a match]
Kevin McCallister : Merry Christmas!
Harry : [screams] GO UP!
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Kate McCallister : Well you got your wish last year, maybe you'll get it again this year.
Kevin McCallister : I hope so!
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Harry : I've got a gun in my pocket. You open your mouth, and you'll be spittin' gum out through your forehead.
[glancing at him and Marv and seeing they're not looking, Kevin reaches out and pinches the butt of the woman in front of them; as she turns around, it happens to be the woman who slapped Marv earlier, and her eyes widen in recognition]
Marv : [trying to be suave again] Well, hello.
[she punches him in the face and he falls over]
Kevin McCallister : [indicating Harry] *He* did it!
Harry : Did what?
Kevin McCallister : [she punches Harry, too] Thanks!
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Kevin McCallister : Excuse me, sir?
Donald Trump : Yes?
Kevin McCallister : Where is the lobby?
Donald Trump : Down the hall, to the left.
Kevin McCallister : Thanks.
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Buzz McCallister : [looking at the Christmas tree] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...
[turns around to face the family]
Buzz McCallister : I'd like to apologize to my family for whatever displeasure I may have caused you...
Kevin McCallister : What?
Buzz McCallister : My prank was immature and ill-timed.
Uncle Frank McCallister : Immature or not, it was pretty gol-darn hilarious.
[laughs while everyone else glares]
Buzz McCallister : I'd also like to apologize to my brother. Kevin, I'm sorry.
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Kate McCallister : Oh, did you see what Grandma Penelope sent you for the trip?
Kevin McCallister : Um, let me guess... Donald Duck slippers?
Kate McCallister : Close. An inflatable clown to play with in the pool.
Kevin McCallister : [sarcastically] How exciting.
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Kevin McCallister : Why do we have to go to Florida? There's no Christmas trees in Florida.
Kate McCallister : Kevin, what is it with you and Christmas trees?
Kevin McCallister : How could you have Christmas without a Christmas tree, Mom?
Kate McCallister : Well... Find a nice, fake silver one. Or decorate a palm tree.
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Kevin McCallister : My grandfather says if my head wasn't screwed on, I'd leave it on the school bus.
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Kevin McCallister : [voiceover as he's riding in a carriage's trunk] I wanna go home. Mom, where are you?
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Kevin McCallister : [trying to pack up after it is discovered that he stole his dad's credit card] I've had enough of this vacation. I'm going home.
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Buzz McCallister : [to himself] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...
[Turns to face his family]
Buzz McCallister : I'd like to apologize to my family for any inconvenience I may have caused you.
Kevin McCallister : [to himself, in disbelief] What?
Buzz McCallister : My prank was immature and ill-timed.
Uncle Frank McCallister : [laughing] Immature, but it was still pretty Goddarn hilarious.
[Continues laughing]
Buzz McCallister : I'd also like to apologize to my brother: Kevin, I'm sorry.
Kate McCallister : Oh, Buzz, that was very nice.
[the family claps]
Kate McCallister : Kevin, do you have something to say?
Kevin McCallister : [Looking around at his family, staring at him with judging expressions]
Buzz McCallister : [Softly to Kevin] Beat that, you little trout sniffer.
Kevin McCallister : I'm not sorry. I did what I did because Buzz humiliated me. And since he gets away with everything, I'll let him have it. And since you're all so stupid to believe his lies, I don't care if you're idiotic Florida trip gets wrecked or not. Who wants to spend Christmas in a tropical climate anyway?
[Starts to walk away, angry]
Kate McCallister : Kevin!
Peter McCallister : Kevin, you walk outta here and you'll sleep on the 3rd floor.
Fuller McCallister : [In a bratty manner] Yeah, with me.
[Takes a sip from his Coke can]
Kevin McCallister : [Sarcastically] So, what else is new?
Uncle Frank McCallister : You better not wreck my trip, you little sourpuss. Your Dad's paying good money for it.
Kevin McCallister : Oh, wouldn't want to spoil you're fun, Mr. Cheapskate.
[Leaves the room, leaving the family in shock]
Buzz McCallister : [In a kiss-up tone] What a troubled young man.
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Kevin McCallister : [peeking through the mail slot of his uncle's brownstone] Hello! Uncle Rob? Aunt Georgette? Anybody home? Hello! Anybody home? It's me, your favorite nephew Kevin. Uncle Rob! Aunt Georgette!
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Marv : Come on. He went to the second floor.
Kevin McCallister : Hey! Why don't you guys try the stairs?
Marv : Right.
Harry : Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Don't you remember what happened last year?
Marv : No.
Harry : Watch this. Let's get him!
[as he makes footstep sounds on the stairs, Kevin throws a tied-off paint can down]
Harry : [pretending to get hit] Oh! He busted me right in my mouth, Marv! That's one.
Marv : Don't worry, Harry! I'll get him!
[he does the same thing, with Kevin throwing another paint can]
Marv : Ow! Right in the schnozz!
Harry : That's two. Come on, let's get him.
Marv : [as they run up the stairs, Kevin heaves a large pipe down] Oops.
[the force of getting hit knocks them down into the basement]
Marv : That's... three.
Harry : [Kevin cuts the pipe loose, which he sees is about to land on them] No.
Marv : That's... four.
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Kevin McCallister : [to himself] They're all a bunch of jerks.
Kate McCallister : [coming into the room] Hi. You know, Kevin, the last time we all tried to take a trip, we had a problem that started just like this.
Kevin McCallister : Yeah, with me getting crapped on.
Kate McCallister : I don't care for your choice of words. That's not what happened last time, and it's not what is happening *this* time. Buzz apologised to you.
Kevin McCallister : [sits up, turns to face her] Yeah, then he called me a trout sniffer. He didn't mean what he said. He was just sucking up to you.
Kate McCallister : OK. Why don't you sit up here for a while and think things over? When you're ready to apologise to Buzz *and* to the rest of your family, you can come down.
[turns to leave]
Kevin McCallister : [stands up] I'm not apologising to Buzz!
[Kate turns back]
Kevin McCallister : I'd rather kiss a toilet seat!
Kate McCallister : Then you can stay up her for the rest of the *night*!
Kevin McCallister : Fine! I don't wanna be down there anyway! I can't trust *anyone* in this family! And you know what? If I had my *own* money, I'd go on my own vacation, alone, without *any* of you guys, and I'd have the most fun in my whole life.
Kate McCallister : Well, you got your wish last year. Maybe you'll get it again this year.
Kevin McCallister : I hope so.
[Kate turns around and leaves; Kevin slumps back down onto the bed]
