Will Munny: All right, I'm coming out. Any man I see out there, I'm gonna shoot him. Any sumbitch takes a shot at me, I'm not only gonna kill him, but I'm gonna kill his wife, all his friends, and burn his damn house down.
Will Munny: Who's the fellow owns this shithole?
Will Munny: You, fat man. Speak up.
Skinny Dubois: Uh, I... I own this establishment. I bought the place from Greeley for a thousand dollars.
[Will levels the shotgun, and speaks to someone standing behind Skinny]
Will Munny: You better clear outta there.
Man: Yes, sir.
[scampers out of the way]
Little Bill Daggett: Just hold it right there. Hold it...!
[Will shoots Skinny. Screaming, the women scatter upstairs]
Little Bill Daggett: Well, sir, you are a cowardly son of a bitch! You just shot an unarmed man!
Will Munny: Well, he should have armed himself if he's going to decorate his saloon with my friend.
The Schofield Kid: [after killing a man for the first time] It don't seem real... how he ain't gonna never breathe again, ever... how he's dead. And the other one too. All on account of pulling a trigger.
Will Munny: It's a hell of a thing, killing a man. Take away all he's got and all he's ever gonna have.
The Schofield Kid: Yeah, well, I guess they had it coming.
Will Munny: We all got it coming, kid.
Delilah Fitzgerald: Are you still goin' to kill those men?
Will Munny: I reckon so. The money's still available, ain't it?
Delilah Fitzgerald: Yeah. Your two friends have been taking advances on the money.
Will Munny: What?
Delilah Fitzgerald: You know, free ones.
[Will looks confused]
Delilah Fitzgerald: Alice and Silky been givin' them free ones. Would you like a free one?
Will Munny: I reckon not.
Delilah Fitzgerald: [Misunderstanding Will] I didn't mean with me. Alice and Silky would be glad to give you one.
Will Munny: I meant I didn't want a free one with Alice or Silky. Because of my wife back home. I reckon if I was to want a free one, it would be with you.
Bill Munny: I've killed women and children. I've killed everything that walks or crawls at one time or another. And I'm here to kill you, Little Bill, for what you done to Ned.
Will Munny: You better bury Ned right!... Better not cut up, nor otherwise harm no whores... or I'll come back and kill every one of you sons of bitches.
Little Bill Daggett: Look son, being a good shot, being quick with a pistol, that don't do no harm, but it don't mean much next to being cool-headed. A man who will keep his head and not get rattled under fire, like as not, he'll kill ya.
W.W. Beauchamp: But if the other fella is quicker, and fires first...
Little Bill Daggett: Then he'll be hurrying, and he'll miss. Look here...
[stands and draws his gun]
Little Bill Daggett: That's about as fast as I can draw, and aim, and hit anything more than ten feet away... 'less it's a barn.
W.W. Beauchamp: But if he doesn't miss?
Little Bill Daggett: Then he'll kill ya.
Little Bill Daggett: Yeah, that's why there's so few dangerous men around like old Bob, like me. It ain't so easy to shoot a man anyhow, especially if the son-of-a-bitch is shootin' back at you. I mean, that'll just flat rattle some folks.
Will Munny: Any man don't wanna get killed better clear on out the back.
Bill Munny: It's a hell of a thing, killin' a man. Take away all he's got, and all he's ever gonna have.
Ned Logan: Hell, Will. We ain't bad men no more. Shit, we're farmers.
Will Munny: Should be easy killing them, supposing they don't go on down to Texas first.
Ned Logan: How long has it been since you fired a gun at a man, Will? Nine, ten years?
Will Munny: Eleven.
Ned Logan: Easy, huh? Hell, I don't know that it was all that easy even back then. And we was young and full of beans. I mean, if you was mad at 'em, Will, I mean. If they'd done you some wrong, I could see shooting 'em.
Will Munny: We done stuff for money before, Ned.
Ned Logan: Yeah, we thought we did. All right, so what did these fellas do? Cheat at cards? Steal some strays? Spit on a rich fella? What?
Will Munny: No, they cut up a woman.
Ned Logan: What?
Will Munny: Yeah, they cut up her face, cut her eyes out, cut her fingers off, cut her tits, everything but her cunty, I suppose.
Ned Logan: I'll be dogg - Golly, I guess they got it comin'. 'Course, you know, Will, if Claudia was alive you wouldn't be doin' this.
[Little Bill tells the real story of English Bob's gunfight]
Little Bill Daggett: First off, Corky never carried two guns. Though he should have.
W.W. Beauchamp: No, no, he was, he was called "Two-Gun Corcoran."
Little Bill Daggett: Yeah well, a lot of folks did call him "Two-Gun" but that wasn't because he was sporting two pistols. That was because he had a dick that was so big it was longer than the barrel of that Walker Colt that he carried. And the only "insultin' to a lady" he ever did was to stick that thing of his into this French lady that Bob here was kind of sweet on.
The Schofield Kid: Like I was saying, you don't look no meaner-than-hell, cold-blooded, damn killer.
Will Munny: Maybe I ain't.
The Schofield Kid: Yeah, well, Uncle Pete says you was the meanest goddamn son-of-a-bitch alive, and if I ever wanted a partner for a killin', you were the worst one. Meaning the best, on account as your's as cold as the snow and you don't have no weak nerve nor fear.
Will Munny: Pete said that, huh?
The Schofield Kid: Yeah, yeah he did. I'm a damn killer myself. 'Cept, uh, I ain't killed as many as you because of my youth.
Will Munny: I ain't like that no more. I ain't the same, Ned. Claudia, she straightened me up, cleared me of drinkin' whiskey and all. Just 'cause we're goin' on this killing, that don't mean I'm gonna go back to bein' the way I was. I just need the money, get a new start for them youngsters. Ned, you remember that drover I shot through the mouth and his teeth came out the back of his head? I think about him now and again. He didn't do anything to deserve to get shot, at least nothin' I could remember when I sobered up.
Ned Logan: You were crazy, Will.
Will Munny: Yeah, no one liked me. Mountain boys all thought I was gonna shoot 'em out of pure meanness.
Ned Logan: Well, like I said, you ain't like that no more.
Will Munny: That's right. I'm just a fella now. I ain't no different than anyone else no more.
Little Bill Daggett: It's been a long time, Bob. You run out of Chinamen?
English Bob: Little Bill, well I thought you was, well I thought that you were dead. I see you've shaved your chin whiskers off.
Little Bill Daggett: I was tasting the soup two hours after I ate it.
English Bob: Well, actually, what I heard was that you fell off your horse, drunk of course, and that you broke your bloody neck.
Little Bill Daggett: I heard that one myself, Bob. Hell, I even thought I was dead 'til I found out it was just that I was in Nebraska.
Little Sue: He said how you was really William Munny out of Missouri... and Bill said "Same William Munny that dynamited the Rock Island and Pacific in '69 killin' women and children an' all?" And Ned says you done a lot worse than that, said you was more cold blooded than William Bonney or Clay Alisson or the James Brothers and how if he hurt Ned again you was gonna come an' kill him like you killed a U.S. Marshall in '73.
Will Munny: And that didn't scare Little Bill though, did it?
Little Sue: No, sir.
[Little Bill is telling Beauchamp the real story of English Bob's gunfight]
Little Bill Daggett: You see, the night that Corky walked into the Blue Bottle, and before he knows what's happening, Bob here takes a shot at him! And he misses, 'cause he's so damn drunk. Now that bullet whizzing by panicked old Corky, and he did the wrong thing. He went for his gun in such a hurry that he shot his own damn toe off. Meantime Bob here, he's aiming real good, and he squeezes off another, but he misses, because he's still so damn drunk, and he hits this thousand-dollar mirror up over the bar. And now, the Duck of Death is as good as dead. Because Corky does it right. He aims real careful, no hurry...
W.W. Beauchamp: And...?
Little Bill Daggett: BAM! That Walker Colt blew up in his hand, which was a failing common to that model. You see, if old Corky had had two guns instead of just a big dick, he would have been there right to the end to defend himself.
W.W. Beauchamp: Wait a minute. You mean that, English Bob killed him when he didn't even have...?
Little Bill Daggett: Well, old Bob wasn't goin' to wait for Corky to grow a new hand. No, he just walked over there real slow - 'cause he was drunk - and shot him right through the liver. Pop!
The Schofield Kid: [referring to his gun] You go on, keep it. I'm never gonna use it again. I won't kill nobody no more. I ain't like you, Will...
[indicating the money]
The Schofield Kid: Go on, keep it. All of it. It's yours.
Will Munny: What about your spectacles and fancy clothes?
The Schofield Kid: I guess I'd rather be blind and ragged than dead.
Will Munny: You don't have to worry, Kid. I ain't gonna kill you. You're the only friend I got.
Will Munny: What I said the other day, you looking like me, that ain't true. You ain't ugly like me, it's just that we both have got scars.
W.W. Beauchamp: Who, uh, who'd you kill first?
Will Munny: Huh?
W.W. Beauchamp: When confronted by superior numbers, an experienced gunfighter will always fire on the best shot first.
Will Munny: Is that so?
W.W. Beauchamp: Yeah, Little Bill told me that. And you probably killed him first, didn't you?
Will Munny: I was lucky in the order, but I've always been lucky when it comes to killin' folks.
W.W. Beauchamp: And so, who was next? It was Clyde, right? You must have killed Clyde. Well, it could have been Deputy Andy. Wasn't it? Or, or...
[Will points the rifle in his face]
Will Munny: All I can tell you is who's gonna be last.
[Beauchamp quickly exits out the front door]
[last title card]
Title card: Some years later, Mrs. Ansonia Feathers made the arduous journey to Hodgeman County to visit the last resting place of her only daughter. William Munny had long since disappeared with the children... some said to San Francisco where it was rumored he prospered in dry goods. And there was nothing on the marker to explain to Mrs. Feathers why her only daughter had married a known thief and murderer, a man of notoriously vicious and intemperate disposition.
Will Munny: I seen 'em, Ned, I seen the angel of death, he's got snake eyes.
Ned Logan: Who Will, who's got snake eyes?
Will Munny: It's the angel of death. Oh Ned, I'm scared of dying.
Ned Logan: Easy, partner, easy.
Will Munny: I see Claudia too.
Ned Logan: That's good, Will, that's good you saw Claudia, ain't it?
Will Munny: Her face was all covered with worms. Oh Ned, I'm scared, I'm dying. Don't tell nobody, don't tell my kids, none of the things I done, hear me?
Ned Logan: All right, Will.
[Sending English Bob on his way after beating and jailing him]
Little Bill Daggett: I suppose you know, Bob, if I ever see you again I'm just going to start shooting and figure it was self-defense.
[first title card]
Title card: She was a comely young woman and not without prospects. Therefore it was heartbreaking to her mother that she would enter into marriage with William Munny, a known thief and murderer, a man of notoriously vicious and intemperate disposition. When she died, it was not at his hands as her mother might have suspected, but of smallpox. That was 1878.
Little Bill Daggett: Now Ned, them whores are going to tell different lies than you. And when their lies ain't the same as your lies... Well, I ain't gonna hurt no woman. But I'm gonna hurt you. And not gentle like before... but bad.
[Little Bill viciously kicks English Bob]
Little Bill Daggett: I guess you think I'm kicking you, Bob. But it ain't so. What I'm doing is talking, you hear? I'm talking to all those villains down there in Kansas. I'm talking to all those villains in Missouri. And all those villains down there in Cheyenne. And what I'm saying is there ain't no whore's gold. And if there was, how they wouldn't want to come looking for it anyhow.
[the night after Davey is killed, a rock is thrown through the ladies' window]
Man: Murderin' whores!
Strawberry Alice: [screaming out the window] HE HAD IT COMING! THEY ALL HAVE IT COMING!
The Schofield Kid: That was the first one.
Will Munny: First one what?
The Schofield Kid: First one I ever killed.
Will Munny: Yeah?
The Schofield Kid: You know how I said I shot five men? It weren't true. That Mexican that come at me with a knife, I just busted his leg with a shovel. I didn't kill him or nothing, neither.
Will Munny: Well, you sure killed the hell outta that fella today.
Little Bill Daggett: [to W. W. Beauchamp, referring to the passage in Beauchamp's book where English Bob claims to have killed "Two Gun" Corcoran because Corcoran insulted a lady's honor] Yeah, well, a lotta folks did call him "Two Gun," but that wasn't because he was sportin' two pistols. No, it was because he had a dick that was so big, it was longer than the barrel on that Walther Colt that he carried. And the only insultin' he ever did was to stick that thing of his into this French lady that English Bob here was kinda sweet on.
Will Munny: Funny thing, killin' a man. You take away everything he's got and everything he's gonna have.
Will Munny: Here, take this money and give my half and Ned's half to my kids. Tell 'em if I ain't back in a week, they give half to Sally Two-Trees. You keep the rest, you can get them spectacles now.
Little Bill Daggett: I guess you think I'm kicking you Bob!
[whilst kicking him to the ground]
English Bob: [discussing the assassination of President Garfield] Well there's a dignity royalty. A majesty that precludes the likelihood of assassination. If you were to point a pistol at a king or a queen your hands would shakes as though palsied.
Barber: Oh I wouldn't point no pistol at nobody sir.
English Bob: Well that's a wise policy, as wise policy. But if you did. I can assure you, if you did, that the sight of royalty would cause you to dismiss all thoughts of bloodshed and you would stand... how shall I put it? In awe. Now, a president... well I mean...
English Bob: why not shoot a president.
Little Bill Daggett: I'll have that thirty-two Bob.
[about the house the Sheriff's building]
Clyde: You know, he don't have a straight angle in that whole god-damned porch, or the whole house for that matter. He is the worst damn carpenter.
English Bob: A plague on you. A plague on the whole stinking lot of ya, without morals or laws. And all you whores got no laws. You got no honor. It's no wonder you all emigrated to America, because they wouldn't have you in England. You're a lot of savages, that's what you all are. A bunch of bloody savages. A plague on you. I'll be back.
Little Bill Daggett: Now all you gotta do is pull the trigger mister.
Little Bill Daggett: Let the man out W.W. He's desiring to leave the hospitality of Big Whiskey behind him.
English Bob: Shit and fried eggs.
English Bob: Well, Sir, again I don't wish to give offense when I suggest that this country should select a, uh, king or even a queen instead of a president. One isn't that quick to shoot a king or a queen. The majesty of royalty, you see.
Joe: Well, maybe you don't wish to give offense, Sir, but you are giving it pretty thick. This country don't need no queens whatsoever, I reckon. As a matter of fact what I heard about queens-...
Strawberry Alice: Just because we let them smelly fools ride us like horses don't mean we gotta let 'em brand us like horses. Maybe we ain't nothing but whores but we, by god, we ain't horses.
Penny Munny: Did Pa used to kill folks?
Skinny Dubois: You know how women lie.
English Bob: This Strawberry Alice person, tell me again.
Barber: Down the street and across. Greely's Beer Garden and Billiard Parlour. Just ask for Alice; say you want a game of billiards.
English Bob: Even though I don't really wish to play.
Barber: They burned the table in '78 for firewood.
English Bob: Quite right. Quite right.