[Delivering Alfalfa's letter to Darla]
Buckwheat: Dear Darla, I hate your stinking guts. You make me vomit. You're scum between my toes! Love, Alfalfa.
Buckwheat: Quick, what's the number for 911?
Stymie: You only meet your once in a lifetime friends... once in a lifetime.
Alfalfa: Then the clouds opened up and God said, "I hate you, Alfalfa!"
Uh Huh: Actually, I've always had a rather extensive vocabulary, not to mention a phenomenal grasp of grammar and a superlative command of syntax. I simply chose not to employ them.
Stymie: Wood doesn't grow on trees!
Stymie: I... Stymie... Member in good standing of the He-Man Woman Haters Club... Do solemnly swear to be a he-man and hate women and not play with them or talk to them unless I have to. And especially: never fall in love, and if I do may I die slowly and painfully and suffer for hours - or until I scream bloody murder.
Mr. Welling: [Stymie and Spanky go into a bank trying to get a loan disguised as two Amish men] What is your account...
[looks up and pauses]
Mr. Welling: number?
George "Spanky" McFarland: Uh, seven.
Mr. Welling: [uncertain] Seven?... seven?
Billy "Froggy" Laughlin: [is under Spanky to hold him up] Try eight.
George "Spanky" McFarland: Eight?
Mr. Welling: [still uncertain, the turns stern] Heard enough.
Mr. Welling: [pulls their fake beards and lets them go hitting Stymie and Spanky in their faces]
Mr. Welling: If you were *my* kids, I'd punish you.
Stymie: If we were *your* kids, we'd punish ourselves!
Mr. Welling: [desperate for them to leave] Leave the premises posthaste!
George "Spanky" McFarland: You can't treat people like this, Mister!
Mr. Welling: You're not people, you're kids.
Alfalfa: I'm usually a lover, not a fighter, but in your case, I'm willing to make an exception!
[punches Butch and he falls in the mud]
[about Spanky and Alfalfa's friendship]
Stymie: You're a team, like Bert and Ernie, Superman and Clark Kent, Milli and Vanilli.
A.J. Ferguson: Is that a cowlick, or are you just happy to see me?
George "Spanky" McFarland: People, people, we need your money!
Buckwheat: [singing, as he and Porky are jogging to the race] We're goin' to the race, we're gonna win first place, and you have an ugly face!
[Porky giggles happily]
Mr. Welling: Six kids, hard-working father, honest and trustworthy. Loan... denied!
Buckwheat: We've got a dollar, we've got a dollar, we've got a dollar, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Alfalfa: All knights ride into battle wearing the colors of their lady fair!
Alfalfa: Everything's working out perfectly. The guys are at the swimming hole, and I'm home with a tooth ache. Nothing could possibly go wrong.
George "Spanky" McFarland: [to Alfalfa] How's the tooth ache, bub?
Darla: Alfalfa, that's a part of you I've never seen before!
The Rascals: [singing] We are he-man woman haters/ We feed girls to alligators/ Our clubhouse burned down mighty low/ But we've got a plan to make some dough!
Alfalfa: [to Spanky] Don't talk to me you Benedict Arnold! You, you Judas Priest!
Race Announcer: Hey everybody, don't forget: following the Go-Cart Derby, there will be a tiny tot bunny race at 3:30. Entrants must be five years and under. See you there!
Buckwheat's Mom: [after Alfalfa and Spanky win the race by the matter of Alfalfa's pointed hair] Winner by a hair! *Yes*!
A.J. Ferguson: And now it gives me great pleasure to present this beautiful trophy and the prize money... to Alfalfa Switzer... and Spanky McFarland.
Alfalfa: [during the bloopers at the end] I winded my ear up.
A.J. Ferguson: Now the race course is marked off with arrows, and it ends right back here, where it started from.