A Night at the Roxbury : Quotes

Steve: Hey, nice bulbs, Emily. Oh, and I don't mean that metaphorically.
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Doug Butabi: [Yelling at his dad] Are you seeing planes? Is your name Tattoo? Because I swear to God, you're living on Fantasy Island.
Steve: [Interrupts] Man, that was a sweet show!
Doug Butabi: [to Steve in agreement] Yeah it was, wasn't it?
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Doug Butabi: You can take away our phones and you can take away our keys, but you can NOT take away our dreams.
Steve Butabi: Yeah, because we're, like, sleeping when we have them.
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Mr. Zadir: [Interrupts Doug explaining his concept for a night club] Wait a minute, did you just grab my ass?
Doug Butabi: No.
Mr. Zadir: Do you want to?
Doug Butabi: [Confused but wanting to impress Mr. Zadir] No... shh... shh... should I?
Mr. Zadir: [laughs] Okay, continue.
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Doug Butabi: So anyways, I was standing there waiting to use the pay phone.
Steve Butabi: Yeah, he was, seriously.
Doug Butabi: And this guy who was on the phone, turns around and tips his hat like this.
Steve Butabi: And who do you think that guy was?
Doug Butabi: Emilio Estevez.
Steve Butabi: The Mighty Duck man, I swear to God, I was there.
Doug Butabi: Of course you were, you were the one who yelled the Breakfast Clubber's name.
Steve Butabi: I was like, "Emilio."
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Security Guard: Nobody gets in unless they talk to the list.
Doug: We're on the list.
Security Guard: Name?
Steve: Steve and Doug Butabi.
Security Guard: You're brothers?
Doug: No...
Doug/Steve: YES.
Doug: Man. Works every time.
Security Guard: That's very funny.
Steve: Yeah, Doug's hilarious.
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Cambi: I can't believe we actually had sex with these asswads.
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Mr. Zadir: Dooey, did you just grab my ass?
Dooey: Sir, from where I'm standing, that's a physical impossibilty.
Mr. Zadir: Oh, I know your tricks, Dooey!
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[on his marriage]
Steve Butabi: Dad, is there any way I can get out of this?
Kamehl Butabi: [Mocking Steve and Doug's repeated joke] Yes... nooooooo.
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[trying to pick up some women]
Doug Butabi: So... you guys wanna make out or what?
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[lining up outside The Roxbury]
Doug Butabi: So... you want to dance?
Girl: We're not in the club yet.
Doug Butabi: Right.
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Kamehl Butabi: What I do understand is that you're going to a big new hot club tonight. Is that what it is?
Doug Butabi: That's right.
Steve Butabi: Exactly.
Kamehl Butabi: What I don't understand is how you're gonna get there.
[Kamehl takes their car keys]
Doug Butabi/Steve Butabi: [In perfect synchronization] What are you doing? Go- Tsh. C'mo- Man!
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Steve Butabi: Oh my God, Doug. This is the most amazing place I've ever been.
Richard Grieco: Guys, guys. This is the coat room. The club's in here.
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Cambi: There you are. We got scared.
Doug: Of who, we'll kick his ass.
Cambi: No, we got scared someone stole you away from us.
Doug: Oh...
[Gets it]
Doug: OH, like some other girls would steal us away.
Steve: Oh...
Steve: [getting it] OH!
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Kamehl Butabi: Richard Grieco, you see right through me.
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Doug Butabi: [Doug reaches behind Cambi's neck and grabs the tag on her dress while they're sitting on the bed]
Cambi: What are you doing?
Doug Butabi: Checking your label. Just as I thought! Maaaade in heaven...
Cambi: [Irritated] Doug, I think you're past the opening lines.
Doug Butabi: [Swallows nervously] Hey, hey, hey! Is that a mirror in your pocket?
Cambi: What?
Cambi: 'Cause I can see myself in your pants!
Cambi: [Grabs Doug's collar and pulls him in close] Doug, if I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Doug Butabi: [laughs nervously and then stops, shocked] Umm... What?
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New Club Waiter: Mr. Zadir, Dooey just called from Pismo Beach. He says there's no way he could've grabbed your ass.
Mr. Zadir: What is he up to now?
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Doug Butabi: [Speaking into the phone while Steve listens] Hi. You've reached Doug Butabi. I'm not here right now because I'm too busy outside living it up, unlike my pussy-whipped brother who's too busy throwing his life away for EMILY. Beep.
Steve: Hi! Doug! Sorry I missed you...
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Steve Butabi: I'm used to seeing Doug behind the register. I miss him.
Kamehl Butabi: He's in the guest house. It's 10 feet away. It's a mansion in there.
Steve Butabi: It doesn't have cable.
Kamehl Butabi: Yes it does. It has Cinemax!
Steve Butabi: But there's no HBO! GOD!
[runs off crying]
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Craig: Man, I owe you...
[pulls out an energy bar called "Big Time"]
Craig: BIG TIME! For bringing me here!
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Doug Butabi: Idiot.
Craig: You know Doug, just because you and your brother are having problems, that's no reason to refer to my intellectual capacity in a diminutive manner.
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Steve Butabi: Good, how are you?
Doug Butabi: About 8 o'clock, 8:15. Yeah, all the time.
Steve Butabi: BMW.
Doug Butabi: Right at sunset.
Steve Butabi: Vanilla mostly.
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Steve: What's up?
Hottie Cop: Did you know you were doing 50?
Doug Butabi: [whispers to Steve] Hottie cop likes you.
Steve: Does not.
Doug Butabi: Think she pulls over just anybody? Make a move.
Steve: What's up?
Hottie Cop: Just giving you an $80 ticket.
Doug Butabi: [whispers to Steve] She is *so* into you
Hottie Cop: I want you to do me a favor.
Steve: What ever you say, "T.J. Hooker".
Hottie Cop: [laughs] Please obey all posted speed limits. Have a good night
Steve: It's already been good, now that you have served and protected me.
[Hottie cop leaves]
Doug Butabi: Way to go my friend! Not only did you got her badge number, but you got a date to meet her at the Municipal State Court. Up top!
[High Five]
Doug Butabi: Very nice!
[High Five]
Doug Butabi: [Steve slaps Doug hard across the face] What was the point of that?
Steve: Sorry...
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Dooey: [Obviously angry] Those cans of fluffy whip were a real big hit at the party. Mr. Zadir had me out until two A.M. looking for more.
Steve: From dusk 'til dawn. You, sir, are a party animal!
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Cambi: Yeah, yeah, Joanie loves Chachi, but does Chachi give a flyin' fuck about Joanie?
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Barbara Butabi: Steve, don't hit on the bridesmaid. It's your wedding.
Kamehl Butabi: Can you wait until after the ceremony please?
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Doug Butabi: Why go out for a burger when you got steak at home?
Steve: Yeah, we should go for lunch after this.
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[repeated line]
Richard Grieco: I just don't want to be sued.
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Kamehl Butabi: What are you doing? You come in to my store and cut up my plants and make toys of them!
Doug Butabi: It's *NOT* a toy! It's a club with a jungle theme!
Kamehl Butabi: You're a jungle theme!
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Father Williams: Steve, repeat after me.
Steve Butabi: After me.
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Steve: What's up? Wanna dance?
Vivica: Yes.
Steve: Alright, take it easy.
Doug Butabi: Steve, she said yes!
Steve: ...what?
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Doug Butabi: Broke the window again.
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Doug Butabi: [a security guard is dragging Doug out of the building by his ankle] That doesn't feel good at all!
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Doug Butabi: Dad would be really proud of us right now.
Kamehl Butabi: What are you idiots doing?
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