Doug Butabi: So anyways, I was standing there waiting to use the pay phone.
Steve Butabi: Yeah, he was, seriously.
Doug Butabi: And this guy who was on the phone, turns around and tips his hat like this.
Steve Butabi: And who do you think that guy was?
Doug Butabi: Emilio Estevez.
Steve Butabi: The Mighty Duck man, I swear to God, I was there.
Doug Butabi: Of course you were, you were the one who yelled the Breakfast Clubber's name.
Steve Butabi: I was like, "Emilio."
Doug Butabi: Broke the window again.
Steve: Hey, nice bulbs, Emily. Oh, and I don't mean that metaphorically.
Cambi: I can't believe we actually had sex with these asswads.
[trying to pick up some women]
Doug Butabi: So... you guys wanna make out or what?
Kamehl Butabi: What I do understand is that you're going to a big new hot club tonight. Is that what it is?
Doug Butabi: That's right.
Steve Butabi: Exactly.
Kamehl Butabi: What I don't understand is how you're gonna get there.
[Kamehl takes their car keys]
Kamehl Butabi: Richard Grieco, you see right through me.
Doug Butabi: [Doug reaches behind Cambi's neck and grabs the tag on her dress while they're sitting on the bed]
Cambi: What are you doing?
Doug Butabi: Checking your label. Just as I thought! Maaaade in heaven...
Cambi: [Irritated] Doug, I think you're past the opening lines.
Doug Butabi: [Swallows nervously] Hey, hey, hey! Is that a mirror in your pocket?
Cambi: 'Cause I can see myself in your pants!
Cambi: [Grabs Doug's collar and pulls him in close] Doug, if I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Doug Butabi: [laughs nervously and then stops, shocked] Umm... What?
New Club Waiter: Mr. Zadir, Dooey just called from Pismo Beach. He says there's no way he could've grabbed your ass.
Mr. Zadir: What is he up to now?
Steve: What's up?
Hottie Cop: Did you know you were doing 50?
Doug Butabi: [whispers to Steve] Hottie cop likes you.
Steve: Does not.
Doug Butabi: Think she pulls over just anybody? Make a move.
Steve: What's up?
Hottie Cop: Just giving you an $80 ticket.
Doug Butabi: [whispers to Steve] She is *so* into you
Hottie Cop: I want you to do me a favor.
Steve: What ever you say, "T.J. Hooker".
Hottie Cop: [laughs] Please obey all posted speed limits. Have a good night
Steve: It's already been good, now that you have served and protected me.
[Hottie cop leaves]
Doug Butabi: Way to go my friend! Not only did you got her badge number, but you got a date to meet her at the Municipal State Court. Up top!
Doug Butabi: Very nice!
Doug Butabi: [Steve slaps Doug hard across the face] What was the point of that?
Cambi: Yeah, yeah, Joanie loves Chachi, but does Chachi give a flyin' fuck about Joanie?
Richard Grieco: I just don't want to be sued.
Doug Butabi: [a security guard is dragging Doug out of the building by his ankle] That doesn't feel good at all!