The Grinch: All right, you're a reindeer. Here's your motivation: Your name is Rudolph, you're a freak with a red nose, and no one likes you. Then, one day, Santa picks you and you save Christmas. No, forget that part. We'll improvise... just keep it kind of loosey-goosey. You HATE Christmas! You're gonna steal it. Saving Christmas is a lousy ending, way too commercial. ACTION!

[Max knocks the red nose off]

The Grinch: BRILLIANT! You reject your own nose because it represents the glitter of commercialism. Why didn't I think of that? Cut, print, check the gate, moving on.

The Grinch: The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there - on such short notice! Even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn't allow it. 4:00, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one; 5:30, jazzercize; 6:30, dinner with me - I can't cancel that again; 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing... I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear?

The Grinch: I tell you Max, I don't know why I ever leave this place. I've got all the company I need right here.

[indicates himself]

The Grinch: [shouts] Hello?

Echo: Hello.

The Grinch: How are you?

Echo: How are you?

The Grinch: I asked you first.

Echo: I asked you first.

The Grinch: Oh right, that's REALLY mature, saying exactly what I say.

Echo: ...Saying exactly what I say.

The Grinch: I'm an idiot!

Echo: You're an idiot!

The Grinch: [whispering] Alright fine! I'm not talking to you anymore! In fact, I'm going to whisper! So that by the time my voice reverbarates off the walls, and gets back to me, I won't be able to hear it.

[pause]

Echo: You're an idiot!

The Grinch: MAX. HELP ME... I'm FEELING.

[a taxicab passes him by]

The Grinch: It's because I'm green isn't it?

Cindy Lou Who: Santa?

The Grinch: WHAT?

Cindy Lou Who: Don't forget the Grinch. I know he's mean and hairy and smelly. His hands might be cold and clammy, but I think he's actually kinda... sweet.

The Grinch: SWEET? You think he's sweet?

Cindy Lou Who: [nods] Merry Christmas, Santa.

[goes upstairs]

The Grinch: Nice kid... baaad judge of character.

The Grinch: Any calls?

Grinch's Answering Machine: [computer voice] You have no messages.

The Grinch: Odd. Better check the outgoing.

Grinch's Answering Machine: [Grinch's voice] If you utter so much as one syllable, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you'd like to fax me, press the star key.

The Grinch: Hmm. Oh well.

Cindy Lou Who: We're gonna crash!

The Grinch: Now you listen to me, young lady! Even if we're *horribly mangled*, there'll be no sad faces on Christmas.

Narrator: The Whos young and old would sit down to a feast, and they'll feast, and they'll feast.

The Grinch: And they'll feast, feast, feast, feast. They'll eat their Who-Pudding and rare Who-Roast Beast. But that's something I just cannot stand in the least. Oh, no. I'M SPEAKING IN RHYME!

The Grinch: Am I just eating because I'm bored?

Who Father: Hey, Honey! Our baby's here.

[looks closely at the baby]

Who Father: He looks just like your boss.

The Grinch: That's what it's all about, isn't it? That's what it's always been *about*. Gifts, gifts... gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts! You wanna know what happens to your gifts? They all come to me. In your garbage. You see what I'm saying? In your *garbage*. I could hang myself with all the bad Christmas neckties I found at the dump. And the avarice...

[shouts]

The Grinch: The avarice never ends! "I want golf clubs. I want diamonds. I want a pony so I can ride it twice, get bored and sell it to make glue." Look, I don't wanna make waves, but this *whole* Christmas season is...

[shouts again]

The Grinch: ...stupid, stupid, stupid!

[calmer]

The Grinch: There is, however, one teeny-tiny Christmas tradition I find quite meaningful...

[holds up mistletoe]

The Grinch: Mistletoe.

[puts mistletoe over his butt]

The Grinch: Now pucker up and kiss it, Whoville!

[wiggles mistletoe]

The Grinch: Boi-yoi-yoi-yoing!

The Grinch: Oh. Bleeding hearts of the world UNITE.

The Grinch: We're gonna die! We're gonna die! I'm going to throw up, and then I'm gonna die! Mommy, tell it to stop!

[continues to scream and yell, then chuckle as he gets the sleigh under control]

The Grinch: Whew... ha! Almost lost my *cool* there.

The Grinch: [messing with peoples mail] Jury duty, jury duty, jury duty, black mail, pink slip, chain letter, eviction notice, jury duty.

Mayor Augustus Maywho: They nursed you. They clothed you. Here they are! Your old biddies!

The Grinch: Are you two still living?

The Grinch: What's that stench? It's fantastic.

The Grinch: One man's toxic sludge is another man's potpourri.

[Max barks]

The Grinch: I don't know, it's some kind of soup.

The Grinch: [after getting bit on the butt by Max] That is not a chew toy. You have no idea where it's been.

The Grinch: I am the Grinch that stole Christmas... and I'm sorry.

[long silence]

The Grinch: Aren't you going to cuff me? Put me in a choke hold? Blind me with pepper spray?

Mayor Augustus Maywho: You heard him, Officer. He admitted it. I'd go with the pepper spray.

Officer Wholihan: Yes, I heard him all right. He said he was sorry.

The Grinch: It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes, or bags.

Narrator: The the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before.

The Grinch: Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas...

Narrator: He thought

The Grinch: ...means a little bit more.

Cindy Lou Who: [kisses the Grinch on the cheek] Your cheek's so...

The Grinch: I know. Hairy.

Cindy Lou Who: No.

The Grinch: Greasy? Stinky? Do I have a zit?

Cindy Lou Who: No. Warm.

The Grinch: I'm all toasty inside. And I'm leaking.

Mayor Augustus Maywho: The anger.

Whobris: The fury.

[cut to Martha May Whovier]

Martha May Whovier: The muscles!

Narrator: So whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes, he stood outside his cave, hating the Whos.

The Grinch: [opens phone book] Alphabetically!

[looks into book]

The Grinch: Aadvarkian Abakeneezer Who, I...

[yelling]

The Grinch: HATE YOU!

[looks into book again]

The Grinch: Aaron B. Benson Who, I hate *you*.

[looking into book]

The Grinch: Hate, hate, hate. Hate, hate, hate. Double hate. LOATHE ENTIRELY!

Cindy Lou Who: Santa, what's the meaning of Christmas?

The Grinch: [bursts through the Christmas tree] VENGEANCE!

The Grinch: [calmly] Er, I mean... presents, I suppose.

Martha May Whovier: Did I have a crush on the Grinch? Of COURSE not.

Cindy Lou Who: Uh... I didn't ask you that.

[first lines]

Narrator: Inside a snowflake like the one on your sleeve, there happened a story you must see to believe.

Lou Lou Who: I'm glad he took our presents. You can't hurt Christmas, Mr. Mayor, because it isn't about the... the gifts or the contest or the fancy lights. That's what Cindy's been trying to tell everyone... and me. I don't need anything more for Christmas than this right here: my family.

The Grinch: Oh, the Who-manity.

The Grinch: Oh, no, the sleigh, the presents, they'll be destroyed, and I care!

[shouts]

The Grinch: What is the deal?

Narrator: ...He slunk to the fridge...

[the Grinch tackles the refrigerator]

The Grinch: SLUNK!

[Cindy meets the Grinch for the first time]

Cindy Lou Who: You're the... the...

The Grinch: [mimicking Cindy] The... the... THE GRINCH!

The Grinch: Blast this Christmas music. It's joyful and triumphant.

Narrator: And the more the Grinch thought of what Christmas would bring, the more the Grinch thought...

The Grinch: I must stop this whole thing!

The Grinch: Why, for year after year I've put up with it now. I must stop this Christmas from coming... but how? I MEAN... in what way?

The Grinch: [Takes back his mask and barks at Cindy Lou] Give me that! Don't you know you're not suppose to take things that don't belong to you? What's the matter with you, you some kind of wild animal? Huh?

Lou Lou Who: [after sons have said they had seen the Grinch] I'm sure they were just up on Mount Crumpit... playing with matches... defacing public property or something or other.

Mayor Augustus Maywho: Oh, well that's a relief.

The Grinch: Those Whos are hard to frazzle, Max. But, we did our worst, and that's all that matters.

The Grinch: [stops a tiny car] Evening, folks. Mind if I squeeze in?

[starts to sit on the car]

The Grinch: You might want to scooch over.

[the whos run away]

The Grinch: You did the right thing.

Cindy Lou Who: Thanks for saving me.

The Grinch: [stops in his tracks] Saving you, is that what you think I was doing? Wrongo. I just noticed that you were improperly packaged, my dear.

[grabs wrapping paper and starts wrapping Cindy up]

The Grinch: Hold still.

[to Max]

The Grinch: Max, pick out a bow.

[to Cindy]

The Grinch: Can I use your finger for a sec?

Lou Lou Who: Let's see, we've got a munkle for your uncle, a fant for your aunt and a fandpa for your Cousin Leon.

The Grinch: Who wants the gizzard?

Drew Lou Who: I do.

The Grinch: Too late. That'll be mine.

The Grinch: [singing] Be it ever so heinous, there's no place like home.

Lou Lou Who: Hello? Is my Subzero Chillibrator running? I suppose.

The Grinch: Well then you better go catch it.

Clerk: For the next 5 minutes only, 99% off!

Mayor Augustus Maywho: If you marry me, along with a lifetime supply of happiness, you'll also receive this... it's a NEW CAR. Generously provided by the taxpayers of Whoville.

The Grinch: Are you having a holly, jolly Christmas?

Stu Lou Who: Are you ready, Drew? I'll race you! Last one up is a stinky old Grinch.

Junie: Guys, where are we? I think we should go back.

Stu Lou Who: What? You're scared of The Grinch!

Christina Whoterberry: That is so not true.

Drew Lou Who: They say he lives inside the mountain, waiting to feast on... WHO-FLESH!

Christina Whoterberry: Oh, Drew!

Stu Lou Who: You're scared of the Grinch! You're scared of The Grinch!

Christina Whoterberry: Are not!

Stu Lou Who: Are to! You're scared of...

[they come to the door, Stu and Drew are bit taken back]

Christina Whoterberry: Oh, come on touch it. Touch the door! Do it for me, Stu.

Mayor Augustus Maywho: He had hair. Not pleasant. He shed. Not right.

8-Year-Old Augustus Maywho: You don't have a chance with her. You're eight years old and you have a BEARD!

The Grinch: Well, pucker up and kiss it, Whoville.

[puts mistletoe up to his butt and makes a taunting noise as he shakes it around]

Cindy Lou Who: Everybody seems to kerbabbled. Isn't this just a little superfluous?

Cindy Lou Who: [Lou standing in the way of the Sleigh] Daddy, move!

The Grinch: Dad, move it!

The Grinch: [his plan to ruin Christmas for the Whos] The crescendo of my odious opus.

The Grinch: Holiday who-be what-ee?

The Grinch: [to the camera] Kids today. So desensitized by movies and televison.