My First Mister (2001)

Albert Brooks: Randall - 'R'

Photos 

Quotes 

• Randall ("R") : You're the good stuff.

• Randall ("R") : [after refusing J's offer to buy him a cup of coffee]  Actually it's almost nine o'clock.

  Jennifer ("J") : Right, so?

  Randall ("R") : Well, I'm usually home by nine.

  Jennifer ("J") : What happens at nine?

  Randall ("R") : I turn into the same person I am.

• Randall ("R") : I'm forty-nine years old.

  Jennifer ("J") : I'm seventeen. Nice to meet you.

• Randall ("R") : [on his deathbed]  I want you to go to college. It's really important, okay?

  Randy Harris, Jr. : Did you?

  Randall ("R") : Yes.

  Randy Harris, Jr. : What did you learn?

  Randall ("R") : Give me a second, I'll think of it.

• Randall ("R") : What's he like?

  Jennifer ("J") : Oh, he's kinda like you.

  Randall ("R") : He's an asshole?

  Jennifer ("J") : Oh worse than that. He's a pathetic loser asshole.

  Randall ("R") : That's my boy. So you *like* him.

  Jennifer ("J") : Nooo. Are you mental?

  Randall ("R") : Totally. I've gotten down with it. I've boogied.

  Jennifer ("J") : OK Shaft.

• Randall ("R") : It's just one of those small but enormous things.

• Randall ("R") : I'm old, I'm George Burns.

  Jennifer ("J") : Who's George Burns?

  Randall ("R") : I'm Uncle Fester, I'm Andy of Mayberry, I'm Mr. Roper, I'm Grandpa Munster.

  Jennifer ("J") : Okay, okay, I get it.

• Randall ("R") : Listen to me very carefully. I am not getting a fucking tattoo.

  Jennifer ("J") : Oooh, you said the really bad word.

  Randall ("R") : Yeah, I did. I am in fact the boy who cried fuck.