Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood : Quotes

Caro: The only disease that can survive in our bloodstreams is alcoholism.
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Younger Vivi: Don't look at me in that tone of voice!
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Caro: Get comfortable, bébé. I've got a full tank.
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[after getting off the phone with her mother, who slams the phone and screams on the other line, Siddalee does the same thing]
Sidda: I am SICK AND TIRED OF HER TANTRUMS AND DRUNKEN RAGES! I HEARD THE ICE CLINKING IN THE GLASS MOMMA! SOUNDS OF MY HAPPY CHILDHOOD!
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Sidda: [about Vivi] I am sick of fighting! And, I am sick to death of this whole center of the universe, holier than thou, nothing is ever enough. Oh, how I've suffered, nobody understands me. Somebody fix me a drink and hand me a Nebutol, worn out Scarlett O'Hara... thang!
Caro: Well, she's got her pegged, all right.
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Sidda: I should'a quit when I was behind.
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Little Vivi: These are the headdresses of the queens that have gone before us. They come from Indian holy ground... the jungles of the ancients... prairies of the Norwegians... and the forests of the mighty Amazons. The royal crowns of our people.
[pouring something from a jar into a glass]
Little Vivi: This is the blood of our people, the wolf people, the alligator people, and the moon women from which we gain our strength to rule all worlds.
[Hands glass to Little Teensy. Little Teensy shakes head no]
Little Vivi: It's ok, it's just chocolate.
[Teensy drinks]
Little Vivi: Teensy Melissa Whitman: I declare you, Princess-Naked-As-A-Jaybird.
Little Teensy: [whispers] Ah Cha Cha!
Little Vivi: [turns to Little Caro] Caro Eliza Bennett: I declare you, Duchess Soaring Hawk.
[turns to Little Necie]
Little Vivi: Necie Rose Kelleher: I declare you, Countess Singing Cloud. And I: Viviane Joan Abbott, am hereby and forever Queen Dancing Creek.
[pulls a knife out of a shield]
Little Necie: Now, wait just one second y'all... I don't think we should be cutting ourselves with that knife...
Little Vivi: Silence!
[nicks her hands with knife and passes it down to Little Teensy]
Little Vivi: We are the flames of the fires, the whirling of the winds. We are the waters of the rains and the rivers and the oceans. We are the rocks and the stones. And now by the power invested in me, I declare we are the mighty Ya-Ya priestesses. Let no man put us under. Now our blood flows through each other as it's done for all eternity. Loyal forever. We raise our voices in the words of Mumbo Gumbo... YA-YA!
All little Ya-Ya's: YA-YA!
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Vivi: I tried to be the best momma I could.
Connor: How did that go?
Vivi: Not so hot.
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Teensy: We'll leave you alone.
Caro: But we'll be listening from the kitchen, so talk loud.
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Teensy: I can't tell if that's a scar or a wrinkle.
Caro: Yeah, that's a wrinkle pal. There's some scars behind your ears though.
Teensy: Shut up, Caro.
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Caro: Listen, kids, we gotta slow down or I'm gonna pop a lung.
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Vivi: You know, Teensy, ever since you quit drinking you've stopped thinking clearly. How can I possibly call somebody who no longer exists? Give me the phone!
[phone rings on Sidda's end]
Sidda: Oh my God, that's her. Do not pick up the phone, please don't pick up the phone, Connor. Connor, don't pick up the phone!
Connor: [picks up the phone] Hello?
Vivi: Well, hello Connor.
Connor: Oh, hello Vivi. How are you?
Vivi: Well just lovely, thank you for asking. Is she there?
[Connor hands the phone to Sidda, as she glares at Connor and takes the phone]
Sidda: ...Momma?
Vivi: ...YOUUUUUUU!
Vivi: [slams phone against the table]
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Vivi: Teensy! I demand that you move this piece of shit outta my way, this very instant!
Teensy: [takes off her sunglasses and glares directly at Vivi] Who do you think you're talking to?
Vivi: I know she's there. Now, what is going on? Is betrayal absolutely everywhere?
Teensy: [sarcastically] Yes. Your lifelong friends are programming your daughter to destroy you!
Vivi: Well, somebody better tell me what's going on!
Teensy: Vivi, calm down! You're just gonna have to trust us. If you go there now, you're gonna ruin EVERYBODY'S life!
Vivi: What IS it with me "ruinin' everybody's life"? EVERYBODY, Teensy? Strangers are saying it now!
Teensy: What strangers?
Vivi: Connor. He yelled at me! She's walked out on their entire life, whatever that means.
Teensy: [tersely] Go! Go home right now!
Vivi: [shocked] Don't you talk to me like that. I'll knock you in the middle of next week!
Teensy: Then I will kick your sorry ass on Thursday. Now get in the goddamn car and go home!
[Vivi huffs at Teensy, then climbs into her car and slams the door]
Teensy: Piece of shit.
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Sidda: I don't care if she was abducted by leprechauns and whacked over the head with their shillelagh sticks!
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Teensy: [seeing Caro pull a pill from her purse and begin grinding it up to put into Sidda's drink] Wait, what is it?
Caro: I got it from one of the caddies at the club. It's a roopie or a roofie or something. He said it would knock her on her ass!
Teensy: No! Roofies! That's the date rape drug! We can't do that!
Necie Rose Kelleher: She's practically a teetotaler with these skinny little drinks!
Caro: Then what? We can't conk her on the head!
Teensy: Well, give her half. She's a Walker, she can take it.
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Vivi: [after Vivi has hung up on Connor several times, Connor calls one last time] Yes?
Connor: I don't know if you really ruined Sidda's life or not, but I do know right now that you're ruining mine! And your phone etiquette SUCKS!
[hangs up]
Vivi: [aghast] He hung up on me!
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Teensy: [leans down to inspect her car and shouting] You are soooooo lucky!... if you put one scratch on my baby, I would have your ass!
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Caro: [standing in the doorway of Sidda's room] Ya know, I just don't understand those underwears up your ass crack, they don't cover up a G'D THANG!
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Connor: [about Sidda and Connor's wedding] Vivi, it's taken years to nail down a date. She's always said, "What's the rush, when things are so good?" I don't know what the hell she's so afraid of - it's like she's always waiting for the bottom to drop out.
Vivi: You know why she thinks that, don't ya, honey? Because it did. It always did.
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Sidda: [about Connor] Don't you think it's fishy that we're not married yet? I mean, he started asking me the first year and I always resisted, don't you think that's fishy?
Teensy: [defensive] Why is that fishy?
Sidda: Because! Something must be wrong. I've been hitting the snooze button on my biological clock for a long time. I mean, on paper it all works out, you saw him, who wouldn't wanna have babies with him? But every time I get right down to it, something just stops me, it just stops.
Caro: And you don't have any idea why?
Sidda: Oh, I have an idea why. What if I'm like her, and I get into it and just...
Caro: [curiously] What?
Sidda: Beat the living daylights out of everybody and then run away!
Teensy: [surprised] That's what you think happened?
Sidda: [angrily] What do mean, "think", Teensy? I was there. This isn't some goddamn recovered memory, I wish I could forget it! You all have your little Ya Ya scars but that is nothing compared to what she left on me, and all I'm saying is if there's even one drop of that in me, I am better off alone! No child should have to find that out the hard way, and neither should Connor!
Sidda: [tearfully] You know fine, she didn't want us? Fine! She should have just stayed gone. But then y'all dragged her ass back here again and all she did was drink until we all went away!
Sidda: [Angrily] I mean Y'all should know, since you were the ones mixing the drinks!
[storms off]
Necie Rose Kelleher: My God, she doesn't know anything, does she?
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Caro: [about Vivi's breakdown] She didn't leave you, Sidda.
Sidda: Yeah, well, she was sure as hell gone.
Caro: She sure as hell was.
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Teensy: [to Sidda] Honey, I think the reason she stayed distant was because she never trusted herself again. She didn't think she deserved you.
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Caro: Why doesn't somebody go to the bathroom? It always makes the food come.
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Younger Vivi: [after throwing dinner on the floor] You can starve for all I care!
[storms out]
Little Sidda Walker: I'll make dinner, Daddy. Okay?
Younger Shep Walker: Thank you. I'll get the skillet. Don't touch it; it's hot.
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Vivi: Mary... mother of the motherless? Can you see me? I'm here! It's me again! I need divine intervention once again. Quelle grande surprise. And here it is. My oldest daughter, Siddalee, the one I've been complaining about? The loudmouth? She may be walking away from true love. Please stop her. Don't let her run away. This is because of me. She never said it, but... I know. She's only seen me holding back. I take full responsibility. But I'd appreciate you keeping that to yourself. Please pass this on to your son and his father. I will only smoke once... a day. And I will only have a drink once a week - I mean a day. I'll do the best I can. If you will just help her out with this one thing, I'll make it up to you somehow.
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Sidda: Daddy, did you get loved enough?
Shepard James 'Shep' Walker: What's enough? My question is, did you?
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Caro: What I'd give to know then what I know now. And to still have those thighs!
Necie Rose Kelleher: I'm sure they're still buried in there somewhere.
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Shepard James 'Shep' Walker: I think it can best be said... The road to hell is paved with good intentions."
Sidda: Well, what about the road back? What's that paved with?
Shepard James 'Shep' Walker: Humility.
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Necie Rose Kelleher: I wish you could've known your momma back then, you would've loved her.
Sidda: Necie, me not loving momma was never the problem.
Caro: Her not loving you was never the problem either.
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[Sidda is silent]
Caro: Speak, bébé.
Sidda: I'm just adding up the thousands of dollars I've spent on therapy trying to figure out what the hell I did wrong.
Caro: [to Sidda's father] Shep? Write her a check.
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Vivi: [about her birthday] Now, I don't want any candles on my cake. It'll look like the burning of Atlanta!
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Younger Teensy Whitman: [referring to Jack going to war] He made swear not to till he told you.
Younger Vivi: Well you should've warned me. What did Genevieve say?
Younger Teensy Whitman: Oh, she cried and begged him to change his mind and Daddy called her unpatriotic. He gave a speech and made a toast. Mama swore she'd never drink to a son going to war.
[sighs]
Younger Teensy Whitman: So now Daddy's in the doghouse.
Younger Vivi: Amen.
Younger Caro: Ugh. There's not a single goddamn breeze in Lousiana.
Younger Necie Kelleher: Someone please wring me out?
Younger Vivi: We cannot just sit here and puddle. We have to make our own goddamn breeze.
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Younger Willetta: [sees that Caro, Vivi and Teensy are still in the tub] What ya'll doing in that tub? How are ya'll suppose to get cleaned? Get on out of there!
[lifts Caro out of the tub]
Little Vivi: Look at you, Willetta. All done up in that uniform. I'll take a picture and show everyone at home!
Younger Willetta: No, you ain't. Now, get your clothes on for the fancy dinner. They got it all done up like they's the king of England.
[lifts Teensy out of the tub]
Little Vivi: Isn't this the most magnificent thing?
Younger Willetta: I suppose that's what I'd be thinking if I was you. Come on.
[she wraps a towel around Vivi. the girls run down the hall]
Younger Willetta: Lord, I done died and gone to hell.
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Vivi: [to herself, after Vivi discovers that Sidda is in Pecan Grove with the other Ya-Ya's] Oh, what a surprise! Look what the backstabbing, traitorous cats dragged in! Oh, look who it is! All my old EX-FRIENDS! And the biological fruit of my womb... that rotted!
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Connor: [on the phone with Sidda] Hi.
Sidda: How did you know it was me?
Connor: Who else? How are you feeling?
Sidda: A little disoriented.
Connor: Well, horse tranquilizers will do that for you.
Sidda: I can't believe you let them do this.
Connor: They didn't ask my permission. They called me on the way to the airport, they informed me of their plan. I saw you off.
Sidda: From where?
Connor: I met you at the airport, helped them get you on the plane. They're organized. They even had a note from a doctor. By the way, your pills are in your bag.
Sidda: [to Ya Yas] I have a bag?
Caro: Yeah, in the closet. Tell Connor we say hello.
Connor: [Sidda asks Connor if he heard them] Yeah. I'll tell you one thing, meeting them explains a lot about you.
Sidda: Such as?
Connor: Well, let me put it this way. You're a hell of a lot more normal than you've any right to be.
Sidda: Listen, I'm gonna try and bust out of here tomorrow. I gotta get back for work.
Connor: Don't rush back on my account.
Sidda: I just said it was for work.
Connor: And I just meant maybe you ought to try to stay and fix this thing with your mother for once and for all.
Sidda: Why are you so worried about this?
Connor: Because I'm afraid that one day our kids may feel that way about you.
Sidda: Ow.
Connor: These women may be nuts, but I have a feeling they might know something that you don't.
Sidda: I don't think it's fair that you're bringing kids we don't even have into this, Connor, okay? That was just a really low blow.
Connor: Well, that's the way I feel. Stay there. Deal with it.
Sidda: [hangs up] YOU deal with it.
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Vivi: I take a problem and chew on it 'til all the flavor's gone, and then stick it in my hair.
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Connor: [Answering the phone] Hello, Vivi.
Vivi: Well, hello, Connor.
Connor: Did you call to talk to Sidda, or to hang up?
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Shepard James 'Shep' Walker: You live with someone long enough, you can see what they're trying to hide by the way they try to hide it.
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