- Andre Devine: I have give two blowjobs to English Insurance people, I am not homo-ist, I am man! I am on my knees like German teenager to English people with wrotten teeth in their mouths!
- Andre Devine: You are a proud man, you're great black-ist, you're one of the great, you have beautiful gold things, a crown made from pants, you should be king! Are you king of the negros?
- Andre Devine: No one is looking at your great performance, Why? Because you are in corner sucking on a ice statue of Ving Rhames. You are like a terrifying asian woman who is covered with piss!
- Andre Devine: Natalie, Baby, you're a beautiful women, why do you speak? You look great. People in the room say 'look at the girl - she has wonderful tits, I go upstairs alone and I rub against things.'
- Jiminy Glick: [voiceover while interviewing Rob Lowe] Isn't it amazing, just 6 months ago, when I was talking to Arlene Shayhee, I was so bored. Here I am talking to Brat-packer Rob Lowe...
- Rob Lowe: I... me... me... I... I... me... I...
- Jiminy Glick: [voiceover] ... and I'm equally bored. What have I learned, I wonder. Ah yes, celebrities can be dull.
- Jiminy Glick: I'm one of those guys that needs it regular, ya know? Sometimes Dixie's awake for it, most of the time she's not.
- Ben DiCarlo: Ambien and some KY, right?
- Jiminy Glick: HAH! Ambien and KY! You know, for the longest time I was taking the KY orally! It's not necessary!
- Jiminy Glick: My, that's a nice beaver.
- Dixie Glick: Why, thank you.
- Jiminy Glick: [Jiminy points at a stuffed beaver] No.
- Dixie Glick: Oh.
- Jiminy Glick: Although yours is nicely... shaped.
- Andre Devine: You know Ben DiCarlo?
- Miranda Coolidge: We met in Vegas at ShoWest years ago.
- Andre Devine: ShoWest? A strip club? You show your puss?
- Jiminy Glick: Oprah Winfrey, how do you do what you do so consistently?
- Whoopi Goldberg: I stomp on everyone I can.
- Jiminy Glick: And you're despised by so many. But not by me.
- Whoopi Goldberg: I live for that. And remember to spell my name right. O-P-E-R-A.
- Jiminy Glick: And you're Canadian, I hear. What's that about?
- Kiefer Sutherland: Well this is a fantastic country. Uhm. What's that about?
- Jiminy Glick: That was my question dear.
- Kiefer Sutherland: I know. I'm trying to... I've never actually had to...
- Jiminy Glick: Eventually the show will start. Don't you wanna just finally answer it?
- Kiefer Sutherland: Yeah, what's that about? For me it's been a fantastic... it's where I come from, and it's um...
- Jiminy Glick: What?
- Kiefer Sutherland: Canada!
- Jiminy Glick: You're Canadian? I didn't know that.
- Kiefer Sutherland: Yes, it's true.
- Jiminy Glick: [pointing at Toronto's C.N. Tower] That's a phallic-looking thing! Remind you of anybody?
- Dixie Glick: No.
- Jiminy Glick: The film, "Growing up Gandhi", ha! I loved it, as I said in my review. It's really going to be a huge success.
- Ben DiCarlo: Yeah.
- Jiminy Glick: And he was... Persian?
- Ben DiCarlo: Indian.
- Jiminy Glick: [annoyed expression] Beh. He was not "from here".
- Jiminy Glick: [one of the outtakes] And you were a cheerleader.
- Steve Martin: I was, in high school.
- Jiminy Glick: [effeminate tone] Yoo-hoo!
- [normal voice]
- Jiminy Glick: Ha ha! Everyone must've stared at ya! Talk about bein' gay!
- [Steve cracks up]
- Jiminy Glick: What was that about? Why wouldn't you join the team, like normal fellas? Why would you wanna get the pom-poms and go and be like a big silly "Yoo-hoo!"?
- Jiminy Glick: You know, Kevin Kline, he had an attitude I didn't appreciate.
- Dixie Glick: Really?
- Jiminy Glick: Yes, he did.
- Dixie Glick: I found him delightful.
- Jiminy Glick: I loved him in "Sophie's Choice". I don't remember anything else he's done, and I told him that. And suddenly he looks at me like I'm like this idiot or this fool. And you know what? I resented that. And suddenly I decided that I hated him in "Sophie's Choice".
- Jiminy Glick: Let's talk about communists.
- Steve Martin: In Hollywood?
- Jiminy Glick: In Hollywood. Are they still "pulling the strings"? You read this, that they're pulling the strings. How does Steve Martin feel about such things that I just said?
- Steve Martin: There's a lot of communism in Hollywood, a lot of people are communists.
- Jiminy Glick: No! To this day?
- Steve Martin: Yes, a lot of...
- Jiminy Glick: Operating the studios?
- Steve Martin: Yes they are.
- Jiminy Glick: Running the town?
- Steve Martin: But I would never, uh, y'know, name names.
- Jiminy Glick: You wouldn't name names?
- Steve Martin: No, I would not name names.
- Jiminy Glick: Like if I said Meg Ryan...
- Steve Martin: Communist. Yeah. Absolutely.
- Jiminy Glick: Meg Ryan is a communist?
- Steve Martin: Exactly.
- Jiminy Glick: "The girl next door" is the "red girl next door"?
- Steve Martin: Absolutely.
- Jiminy Glick: Oh, that's stunning.
- Steve Martin: Tom Hanks.
- Jiminy Glick: [astonished] Tom Hanks!
- Steve Martin: Uma Thurman.
- Jiminy Glick: I knew that. That I've heard. I've heard that.
- Kevin Kline: Excuse me, can I help you?
- Jiminy Glick: You're just wonderful.
- Kevin Kline: Well, thank you. And you are...?
- Jiminy Glick: Jiminy Glick.
- Kevin Kline: Jiminy?
- Jiminy Glick: Jiminy Glick.
- [They shake hands]
- Kevin Kline: Jiminy Glick.
- Jiminy Glick: I'm covering this. Some press. We're doing some interviews.
- Kevin Kline: Oh, very good. You're from - you're local?
- Jiminy Glick: I'm from the Middle West. Butte, Montana.
- Kevin Kline: Butte, Montana?
- Jiminy Glick: Yes.
- Kevin Kline: And you're in Toronto?
- Jiminy Glick: Well, it's so weird they sent me here...
- Kevin Kline: There are no Film Festivals in Butte?