Adam Godley: Mr. Teavee
Photos
Quotes
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Willy Wonka : Let's go put him in the taffy puller!
Mr. Teavee : [horrified] Taffy puller?
Willy Wonka : Hey, that was my idea!
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Willy Wonka : I sure hope no part of him gets left behind.
Mr. Teavee : What do you mean?
Willy Wonka : Uh, well... sometimes only half of the little pieces find their way through. If you had to choose only one half of your son, which one would it be?
Mr. Teavee : What kind of a question is that?
Willy Wonka : No need to snap, just a question.
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[Mike starts stomping on a candy pumpkin, completely destroying it]
Mr. Teavee : Son, please.
Mike Teavee : Dad, he said, "Enjoy!"
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Mike Teavee : [seeing the Oompa-Loompas for the first time] Are they real people?
Willy Wonka : Of course they're real people. They're Oompa Loompas.
Mr. Salt : Oompa Loompas?
Willy Wonka : Imported. Direct from Loompaland.
Mr. Teavee : There's no such place.
Willy Wonka : What?
Mr. Teavee : Mr. Wonka, I teach high school geography, and I'm here to tell you...
Willy Wonka : Well, then, you'll know all about it and, oh, what a terrible country it is.
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Willy Wonka : I'm sorry, I was having a flashback.
Mr. Salt : I see.
Mr. Teavee : These flashbacks happen often?
Willy Wonka : Increasingly... today.
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Mr. Teavee : [has just seen chocolate transported by television] So, can you send other things? Say, like, breakfast cereal?
Willy Wonka : Do you have any idea what breakfast cereal's made of? It's those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners.
Charlie Bucket : But could you send it by television if you wanted to?
Willy Wonka : Course I could.
Mike Teavee : What about people?
Willy Wonka : Well, why would I wanna send a person? They don't taste very good at all.
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Mike Teavee : A retard could figure it out.
Mr. Teavee : Most of the time, I don't know what he's talking about. I mean, kids these days, what with all the technology...
Mike Teavee : [blasting enemies in a video game] Die! Die! Die!
Mr. Teavee : Doesn't seem like they stay kids very long.
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Mr. Teavee : Is it just me, or does Wonka seem a few quarters short of a buck?
Mr. Salt : I'm sorry, I don't speak American.
