- Ralphie May: My neighborhood is so bad. This is how we have to order at the drive-thru if we wanna stay alive...
- Ralphie May: Let me get a Jumbo Jizzack with cheese like a motha fucka!
- Ralphie May: Wanna give a shout-out to the Fry Guy, got much love fo' the Fry Guy? let me get a cold drank, need a cold drank.
- Ralphie May: And a chicken sandwich fo' my baby's momma cuz I'm a *hustla* baby!
- Ralphie May: [regarding gay people] If you can take a dick in the ass - you can DAMN sure take a joke!
- Ralphie May: I got a little bit o' black in me. I didn't get that big dick though... I got bad credit - ain't that a bitch?