Rick Riker
Jill Johnson
Lou Landers
Uncle Albert
Trey
Aunt Lucille
Lance Landers
The Chief of Police
Dr. Strom
Dr. Hawking
Dr. Whitby
Blaine Riker
Julia Riker
Young Rick
Professor Xavier
Mrs. Xavier
Storm
Wolverine (scenes deleted)
Leg-Shaving Wolverine
The Human Torch
Carlson
Stretchy Boy
Stretchy Girl
Sneezo
Barry Bonds
Invisible Girl
Tom Cruise
Matthews
Bank Robber (as Vincent A. Larusso)
"Gimme your wallet"
"Dr. Hawking, I am such a fan"
Actual Editor
Lunatic Editor
Jill's Mother
"Mr. Landers!"
Reporter Ed
Undertaker
"Well, an old guy did get shot over there"
News Anchor
Principal
Dead Blonde Woman's Husband
Bank Loan Officer
Paperclip Guy
"Okay, I come back"
Onlooker #1
Onlooker #2
Truck Driver
"Thanks for the loan, Mr. Thompson"
Live Reporter (as Wendy Walsh)
King of Sweden
"Take me...."
Dalai Lama
Nelson Mandela
Bishop Tutu
Tony Bennett
Nerdy Dragonfly
Asian Hourglass
"Excuse me, there's a line!"
Mourner (as Susan R. Breslau)
Police Officer
Dead Blonde Woman
Convenience Store Owner
Xavier's Son
Xavier's Daughter (as Kimberly Jones)
The Guy Who Wipes Wolverine's Ass (scenes deleted)
Student (uncredited)
EMT (uncredited)
YouTube User (uncredited)
HS Student (uncredited)
Kid in the Orange Beanie (uncredited)
Security Guard (uncredited)
Tutu Man #2 (uncredited)
Pink Superhero (uncredited)
Shaolin Monk (uncredited)
Security Man (uncredited)
Hairy Man (uncredited)
Chicken Man (uncredited)
Xavier's Older Son (uncredited)
Bandit in Alley (uncredited)
Award Presenter (uncredited)
Neo-Batgirl (uncredited)