Black Books (TV Series)

Fever (2002)

Peter Heppelthwaite: Book Return Man

Quotes 

• Book Return Man : [brings back copy of Tempocalypse]  I bought this for a friend, and they didn't want it, i was wondering if i could exchange it, preferably for the money

  Bernard : [grabs the book and begins flicking through it rapidly then stops]  Aha! sand!

  [collects some onto his finger] 

  Bernard : Manny!

  [sprinkles it into manny's mouth] 

  Manny : [tasting the sand]  Sardinia... South... Porto Scuzo... The little beach by the monastery.

  Bernard : [to customer]  Get out!

  [shoves his book back into his hands] 

  Book Return Man : Damn!

  [leaves] 

• Female holidaymaker : Hi, we're looking for...

  [Bernard hands her a copy of Tempapocalypse] 

  Bernard : Here's one for you.

  Female holidaymaker : How do you know what we both want?

  Male holidaymaker : We don't like the same stuff.

  Bernard : You're going on holiday. You want trash. But different kinds of trash. You, you want social themes, believable characters. You, you want suspense, thriller. This does you both. It's this temp. She's 29 and she can't get a boyfriend. Oh my god.

  Female holidaymaker : Sounds great.

  Male holidaymaker : No way.

  Bernard : And she's got 12 hours to stop a nuclear war with China.

  Male holidaymaker : Well, one copy each!