- Larry: This is our year, I'm telling you. Best football season ever. I'm so in shape, I'm a rock. It's all about egg whites. If we can focus, keep discipline, and not have quite as many mysterious deaths, Sunnydale is gonna *rule!*
- [on Oz repeating a grade]
- Willow Rosenberg: I'm trying to get to cute, really. But I'm still sorta stuck on "strange."
- Oz: Well, I'd be willing to bargain down to "eccentric" with an option on "cool."
- Buffy Summers: Hey Ken... wanna see my impression of Gandhi?
- [kills him with a blow from a club]
- Lily: Gandhi?
- Buffy Summers: Well, you know, if he was really pissed-off.
- Xander Harris: Yeah, and the slaying isn't getting any easier, either.
- Oz: Oh, I don't know, I think we're kinda gettin' a rhythm down.
- Xander Harris: We're losing half the vamps.
- Oz: Yeah, but... rhythmically.
- Buffy Summers: This'll probably go faster if we split up.
- Lily: Can I come with you?
- Buffy Summers: Okay, where did I lose you on the whole splitting up thing?
- Xander Harris: I can't wait to see Cordelia... I can't believe I can't wait to see Cordelia.
- Willow Rosenberg: I wonder what our first homework assignment's gonna be.
- [Xander raises his eyebrows at her]
- Willow Rosenberg: Hey, you're excited over Cordelia, okay? We've all got issues.
- Ken: That... was not... permitted.
- Buffy Summers: Yeah, but it was fun.
- Ken: You've got guts. I think I'd like to slice you open and play with them.
- Blood Bank Doctor: What are you doing?
- Buffy Summers: Breaking into your office and going through your private files. Candidate for what?
- Blood Bank Doctor: I'm calling the police.
- Buffy Summers: [rips phone off wall] Now, you've got a whole bunch of candidates here. I wonder if any of them are missing like Rickie... Gosh, I bet they are.
- Blood Bank Doctor: You're getting yourself in a lot of trouble.
- Buffy Summers: I don't want any trouble. I just wanna be alone and quiet in a room with a chair and a fireplace and a tea cozy. I don't even know what a tea cozy is, but I want one. Instead, I keep getting trouble, which I am more than willing to share.
- Willow Rosenberg: Well, we try not to get killed. That's part of our whole mission statement. 'Don't get killed.'
- [after a vampire Andy Hoelich escapes them]
- Xander Harris: First of all, what was with the acrobatics? How did that happen?
- Oz: Wasn't Andy Hoelich on the gymnastics team?
- Xander Harris: That's right, he was.
- [shouts to the retreating vampire]
- Xander Harris: Cheater!
- Rupert Giles: I mean, uh, you know, I appreciate your efforts to keep the vampire population down until Buffy returns, but, uh, well if anything should happen to you, or you... should be killed, I should take it somewhat amiss.
- Willow Rosenberg: You'd be cranky?
- Rupert Giles: Entirely.
- Xander Harris: Go away. This is my hiding spot.
- Cordelia Chase: Where do I hide?
- Xander Harris: You don't hide. You're bait. Go act baity.
- Cordelia Chase: What's the plan?
- Xander Harris: The vampire attacks you.
- Cordelia Chase: And then what?
- Xander Harris: The vampire kills you. We watch, we rejoice.
- Lily: Lily's from a song. Rickie picked it. I'm always changing anyway. Chantarelle was part of my exotic phase.
- Buffy Summers: It's nice. It's a... it's a mushroom.
- Lily: It is...? That's really embarrassing.
- Buffy Summers: Um, well, i-it's an exotic mushroom, if that's any comfort.
- Lily: Well, before that, I was following this loser preacher and calling myself Sister Sunshine.
- Buffy Summers: What do they call you at home?
- Buffy Summers: You know, I just... - I woke up and I looked in the mirror, and I thought, "Hey, what's with all the sin? I need to change. I'm... I'm dirty, I'm-I'm bad with the... sex and the envy and that-that loud music us kids listen to nowadays. But..." Oh, I just suck at undercover.
- Lily: Always knew I would come here... sooner or later... I knew I belonged here.
- Buffy Summers: Where?
- Lily: Hell.
- Buffy Summers: This isn't hell.
- Ken: Isn't it? What is hell but the total absence of hope? The substance, the tactile proof of despair... You're right, Lily. This is where you've been heading all your life.
- Cordelia Chase: Las Palmas was the nightmare resort. They order you around and make you have organized "fun," and I use sarcastic quote marks.
- [showing Lily around her one room apartment]
- Buffy Summers: Let me give you the tour... This concludes the tour.
- [first lines]
- [a new vampire rises from a grave]
- Willow Rosenberg: That's right, big boy. Come and get it.
- Xander Harris: [grabs it from behind] I got him! Go!
- [Oz appears but stops to fumble in his pocket]
- Xander Harris: [to Oz] Any time now.
- [repeated line]
- Various: I'm no one.