Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV Series)

The Maltese Hamster (1989)

Barry Gordon: Donatello, Bebop

Quotes 

• Donatello : [narrating]  Another rainy night, but who had time to worry about the weather. There was trouble in town. The city was under a reign of mob terror, and my three partners and I were the only ones who could stop it. Because we were... the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

  Raphael : Oh, that's it, Donatello. Tell every crank in town we're here, why don't cha?

  Donatello : I can't help it, Raphael. It's these trench coats.

• Donatello : [still narrating]  It was the same story in banks all over town. The city was being sucked dry by the mob. They took anything that wasn't nailed down, and even a few that were. They were using gear so advanced, it was straight out of Star Wars. We knew the mob couldn't get those state-of-the art weapons on their own. We smelled a rat, a rat named Shredder. But what mobster was gutsy enough to deal with a creep like Shredder? Who was this mystery man?

  April O'Neil : Tony Vivaldi, that's who.

  Donatello : Who said that?

  April O'Neil : [appears with the turtles]  I did. I said, the guy behind all these crimes is Tony Vivaldi.

• April O'Neil : [gasps]  Look!

  Leonardo : What is it, April?

  Raphael : A lead to the gangster's hideout?

  Donatello : A vital clue that will establish a link between the Butcher and Shredder?

  Michelangelo : A new kind of pizza I haven't tried yet?

  April O'Neil : [gasps]  Even better! A little hamster statue. Isn't it the cutest thing?

  Raphael : Give me a break.

  Donatello : Oy vey.

  Michelangelo : Gag me with a pizza ladle.

• Splinter : If those criminals did take Raphael and Michelangelo, it would certainly indicate that they're in league with Shredder.

  Leonardo : But why, Master? True, the Butcher gets to rob the city blind, but what's in it for Shredder?

  Splinter : What, indeed? My ancient enemy does not share power easily.

  Donatello : Wait, maybe it has to do with that antique shop they tore apart. They were probably searching for something.

  Splinter : Excellent reasoning, Donatello. You may make a good detective yet.

• [after Vivaldi explains that the Maltese hamster contains a formula for a new super fuel] 

  Donatello : [on a fake TV]  So that's why Shredder wants the Maltese hamster.

  Tony 'The Butcher' Vivaldi : Right. With that super fuel, he can repower his Technodrome and rule the world. And I get dibs on Detroit. Now where are you hiding that hamster?

  Donatello : Hold your horses. You'll get it. Just bring Splinter and the other turtles to the docks at midnight. We'll swap then.

  Tony 'The Butcher' Vivaldi : It's a deal.

  Donatello : And I don't want to see any weapons, not even spitballs.

  Lefty : What a spoilsport.

• Donatello : [narrating]  We made quick work of the Butcher and his mob and left them for the police. They were given a collective sentence of 843 years for robbery, racketeering, and tearing those little tags off of mattresses. As for Shredder, we knew we'd see him again. He's the bad penny that keeps turning up, the rotten apple that spoils the bunch, the moldy anchovy that ruins the pizza, the...

  Raphael : Donatello?

  Donatello : Yeah?

  Raphael : Put a sock in it!