Destroy All Humans! Path of the Furon (2008 Video Game)

J. Grant Albrecht: Cryptosporidium, Jack Trippleson

Quotes 

• Orthopox : As it happens, I have just finished upgrading your Jetpack.

  Cryptosporidium : Does it make far out sounds like in the cartoons on TV?

  Orthopox : No, I omitted silly sounds in favour of performance upgrades. Your new Jetpack has more manoeuvrability and greater thrust than ever before.

  Cryptosporidium : I like the silly sounds.

• Orthopox : [on a holiday ad]  Welcome to the Fourth Ring of Furon. Science, industry and leisure amongst the stars with a Furon twist. It is a vacationer's paradise for fun in the simulated sun. Ogle at the wild weird ways of Earth monkeys in our human habitat, enjoy our unique games and diversion, then gaze upon the blinding unapproachable splendor of the Emperor's Summer Palace.

  Cryptosporidium : Unapproachable splendor of the Emperor's summer palace? You sound like the cruise director on Love Boat.

  Orthopox : Well I have a bit of history here. Giving tours was one of my duties.

  Cryptosporidium : What was the other?

  Orthopox : That's... classified. And nothing you say can make me tell you.

• Saxon : So old man... this is the end. With the help of my new friends, my White Dragon Kung Fu Society will roll over the Earth, starting with your beloved Shen Looooong...

  Cryptosporidium : [bursting in]  No!

  Saxon : Stay out of this slug!

  The Master : Yes, this is between the pupil and his master.

  Cryptosporidium : [the Master is wounded by Saxon] 

  [in slow motion] 

  Cryptosporidium : Nooo!

  The Master : If you strike me down Saxon, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imag...

  [he is hit] 

  The Master : GUURK! You son of a...

  Saxon : Hahahaha!

  Cryptosporidium : Why Master?

  The Master : This is the way of things. The flower must die for the fruit to live.

  Cryptosporidium : Who are you calling a fruit, old man?

  The Master : Crypto, the full power of the fist is already in you. When you truly need to use it, you will know how.

  [hands him a medallion] 

  The Master : Keep this with you always. You are the son... I never had... mostly because I lacked the necessary genita...

  Cryptosporidium : Noooo!

• Cryptosporidium : [saucer phone rings]  What? I told you not to give out this number!

  Orthopox : Crypto... it's him!

  Emperor Meningitis : What? Who's there? I already told you I don't like cookies! Pox! What have you done with your body? Why are you here?

  Orthopox : Er, well uh... most high Emperor Meningitis, we were sort of tooling around the neighbourhood and thought we'd drop by.

  Emperor Meningitis : And and... what's that with you? Oh, your little house boy... Klepto.

  Cryptosporidium : Crypto!

  Emperor Meningitis : Whatever! What are you doing away from your post puppet? Why aren't you out collecting Furon DNA?

  Cryptosporidium : Why aren't you sucking my blaster Methuselah?

  Orthopox : Don't make him angry!

  Emperor Meningitis : Sucking your blaster? What is that, some kind of innuendo?

• Cryptosporidium : Enough chit-chat! I want payback jerkwad!

  Emperor Meningitis : Jerkwad?

• Cryptosporidium : You're a crook Meningitis.

  Emperor Meningitis : I am not a crook! Besides, I'm Emperor, if I do it, it's not illegal.

• Cryptosporidium : So Pox, I've been waiting on the generic shield tutorial. When are you gonna hit me with some random damage so we can watch my shield bar recharge?

  Orthopox : Please Crypto, I've long since abandoned such childish behaviour.

  Cryptosporidium : Well that's a change. It's not like you to skip any any oppurtunity to smack me around.

  Orthopox : You're right.

  [hits him] 

  Orthopox : There! Now do you feel better?

• Murray : You ain't getting crap outta me!

  Cryptosporidium : Murray, Murra, I have so many ways to get crap out of you you wouldn't believe... but this is new shag. Why don't you spill your guts before I do?

• Veronica Stone : [on tv]  Bigfoot... the Loch Ness Monster... alien invaders... do they exist? I'm Veronica Stone, and forty-two of the next sixty minutes, we'll be "in search of aliens".

  Cryptosporidium : Bigfoot, what a crock. These humans'll believe anything.

• Cryptosporidium : You know Poxy old pa sometimes you can be a real bummer.

  Orthopox : Oh? I wonder if that has anything to do with me not having a body!

  Cryptosporidium : Boo hoo, I'm a hologram! That crap was sad for the first five years or so but now it's starting to get on my nerves.

  Orthopox : I suppose that explains your lackluster productivity of late. I think you're going native! I warn you Crypto, you have become too invested in your life among these humans.

  Cryptosporidium : What invested? I'm just runnin' a little business on the side.

  Orthopox : Oh I'm sure our lord and master Emperor Meningitis, the supreme ruler of the Furon Empire, will understand you setting aside your duty to collect Furon DNA from human brain stems!

  Cryptosporidium : How about I cut you in for 5%?

  Orthopox : Done.