What do you call a movie...
...Set in the 50's but due to MANY anachronisms and generally bad set direction, never fools you that it takes place then for a second?
...With one of the worst child actors I've ever seen, who was apparently bribed for the role with a Hershey's bar without a single audition?
...Where there's a lead actress who sounds about as French as my fish & chips, who can't even do 'drunk' effectively? I'm teetotal, and even I could fake it better than this no-hoper!
...Which has many long, meandering scenes where nothing happens but people riding around on bicycles, talking and we can't hear them, without even any background music? Weird.
...Full of moments of 'tragedy' which are so badly handled by the director they inspire spurts of laughter instead of the intended tears? Like slaps and punches that never make contact, or a 'stabbing' where the knife never goes in. Did I wander into amateur-hour instead?
...Chock-a-block with 'emotional' moments which never work because the dialogue is so bad, the cast's emotional range is so limited and we don't care about any of these facile people anyway.
...Is so frigging awesome in all of it's unintended hilarity that despite all the above, is essential viewing for So-Bad-It's-Good film nights?
The answer to the first question is Angel Mountain, in case you hadn't figured it out yet.
It's not Citizen Kane, or even the latest Fast & Furious flick, but I'm glad it exists.
In a strangely masochistically endearing way. 2/10.