Poker Night at the Inventory (2010 Video Game)

Gary Schwartz: The Heavy

Quotes 

• The Heavy : When I was boy, I was at camp, being trained in many ways of combat.

  Max : Assassination camp for kids. Oh, this is gonna be good!

  The Heavy : There was sparrow, sitting on fence. Snow falls quietly around me. Without notice, another boy jumps from behind tree, and kills sparrow with throwing knife. The boy runs away.

  Max : And then?

  The Heavy : I pick up sparrow and hear his last breath before digging him tiny grave.

  Tycho Brahe : [sobs] 

  Strong Bad : That's not even a little bit funny, man

  The Heavy : No. It's not.

• Strong Bad : Hey, Heavyman, do you think you could take care of the King of Town for me?

  The Heavy : I can assassinate King. Yes. Is expensive though.

  Strong Bad : Whoa, whoa, whoa! By "take care of", I meant maybe you and I could sneak into his room and shave off half his mustache.

  The Heavy : I am not best at sneaking.

• The Heavy : [he and Strong Bad continue their discussion about dealing with the King of Town]  I am not best at sneaking.

  Strong Bad : Maybe we could confront him in a dark alley then?

  The Heavy : This is better. That way blood wash away in rain.

  Strong Bad : Oh man, you're going to totally murder the King of Town, aren't you? Oh well!

• The Heavy : I am reminded of time engineer kill my entire team.

  Tycho Brahe : Damn heavy, that's... heavy. I'm sorry to hear that.

  The Heavy : I search entire base for him. He tries to kill me with turret and mini-turret, but I crush his toys like they are made of paper.

  Strong Bad : Sound like some crappy toys, if you ask me.

  The Heavy : Then I find him, hiding by teleporter. I take his gun away from him. He tries to hit me with wrench

  [laughs] 

  The Heavy : . So I take wrench away from him. I take his wrench and shove it down his throat, all the way down to the handle.

  Tycho Brahe : Christ!

  The Heavy : Then I rip off all his fingers, one by one! Let's see you build toys NOW!

  [laughs] 

  The Heavy : There is blood everywhere! And he is crying!

  [laughter] 

  The Heavy : I think he cries out for mother, but...

  [laughter] 

  The Heavy : the wrench is stuck in his throat! And it sounds like

  [imitates a choking noise] 

  The Heavy : !

  [laughs] 

  The Heavy : Is this not the funniest thing?

  Strong Bad : [Stunned silence]  That is some f***ed up s***, man!