- Preppy Guy: I need a drink too. I'll get you a drink too.
- Ellie: Honestly what if I enjoy the drink. What happens then?
- Preppy Guy: I'd love to hear what you think happens then.
- Ellie: I'll tell you what happens then we go play beer pong with your two roommates until I end up back at yours in Murray hill.
- Preppy Guy: Yeah, that's right how'd you know that.
- Ellie: Yeah then I have to listen to your roommate have sex with Hilary, or Emily or whatever the girl's name is, until we fall asleep. And then a year later we're still playing beer pong in the same bars with your friends except now you feel pressured to get married and have kids because you think that's what I want.
- Jason: Then in the summers you drive up to the Hampton to meet his parents wondering the whole ride if they're going to think your pretty enough.
- Ellie: Smart.
- Jason: Wondering the whole ride if they're going to think you're smart enough.
- Ellie: Because no one is and then we have to drink shitty chardonnay.
- Jason: At a shitty garden party.
- Ellie: And have shitty conversations.
- Jason: About shitty people.
- Ellie: With his shitty mother.
- Jason: Who let's face it doesn't think you're smart enough.
- Ellie: Pretty.
- Jason: Let's face it, doesn't think you're pretty enough.
- Ellie: Because no one is.
- Jason: No one ever will be.
- Preppy Guy: What's all that shit, I'm just talking about a drink.
- Jason: Yeah, but it wasn't just a drink though, was it.
- Ellie: It was a marriage proposal.
- Preppy Guy: Woah marriage , nah. It was a vodka soda. Alright fuck you guys then.
- [preppy guy walks away]
- Jason: Drink?
- Ellie: Yep.
- Jason: Dude, are you taking a shit in there?
- Daniel: Absolutely not.
- Jason: Every time you come over, you take a shit.
- Daniel: No, I'm not taking a shit, I'm using a self-tanner!
- Jason: Self-tanner?
- Daniel: Yeah, I told that assistant in Vogue I couldn't hang out 'cause I was in Tulum. I'm trying to face her off my roster.
- [he pauses briefly]
- Daniel: Also, I am taking a shit.
- Daniel: Yeah, everybody knows you can't call a girl a hooker. Even hookers hate being called hookers.
- Mikey: Which one of you divas uses self-tanner?
- Daniel: I do, why?
- [Mikey walks out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel]
- Mikey: Because I beat off with it last night.
- Daniel: Why... why didn't you even read the bottle?
- Mikey: I was a little drunk.
- Jason, Daniel: What?
- Mikey: My shit is orange.
- [Mikey opens towel]
- Jason: Oh!
- Mikey: Look at this!
- Daniel: Oh my God!
- Jason: Oh no!
- Daniel: Who knew that could even happen to you? I didn't know you could change colors.
- Mikey: Stop.
- Jason: Your dick looks like a yam.
- Daniel: Your dick looks like a traffic cone.
- Mikey: Just stop.
- Daniel: Your dick looks like a can of cheddar Pringles.
- Mikey: That's fucked up.
- Jason: Your dick looks like Spike Lee at a Knicks game.
- Daniel: If your dick was jumping over the river, it would be the General Lee.
- [Takes a sip out of his mug and spits it out in a fit of laughter]
- Jason, Daniel: [Both succumb to built up laughter]
- Jason: And he would give anything to back to that moment
- Jason: The moment where they first met.
- Jason: Before anything went wrong.
- Jason: Before he didn't show up for her when she needed him most.
- Jason: Before he understood that being there for somebody when it's most difficult is really all that relationships are.
- Jason: Jason knew that now.
- Jason: And he was so sorry for what he had done.
- Jason: But Jason also realized that in that moment, he wasn't afraid, because he thought wasn't the one.
- Jason: He was absolutely terrified, because he knew she was.
- Jason: And if she could give him just one more chance,
- Jason: just one more chance,
- Jason: she knew where to find him.