Fat Amy: You guys are gonna get pitch-slapped so hard, your man boobs are gonna concave.
Cynthia Rose: I have a confession to make.
Fat Amy: We all know where this is going. Lesbi-honest.
Cynthia Rose: This is hard for me to admit to you guys, but for the past two years, I have had a serious gambling problem.
Fat Amy: What?
Cynthia Rose: It all started when I broke up with my girlfriend.
Fat Amy: Whomp, there it is!
Fat Amy: Even though some of you are pretty thin, you all have fat hearts, and that's what matters.
[Their bus starts to sputter and slow]
Aubrey: What the hell?
Fat Amy: It's pretty cool, actually... I think we're just running out of gas.
Aubrey: No, that can't be! You just filled the tank!
Fat Amy: Yeah, I did! And yet, maybe I didn't, because I got hit by flying Mexican food.
[the bus sputters to a stop]
Fat Amy: And we're out.
Aubrey: A-ca-scuse me?
Fat Amy: A-ca-believe it!
Fat Amy: Well, at least it's not herpes. Or do you have that as well?
Fat Amy: I'm gonna kill him! I'm gonna finish him like a cheesecake!
Gail: Nothing makes a woman feel more like a girl than a man who sings like a boy.
Aubrey: Hands in, a-ca-bitches!
Fat Amy: Give me the sharp weapon, I wanna put it up his butt!
[Part of the Bella oath]
Aubrey: And I solemnly promise to never have sexual relations with a Treblemaker, or may my vocal cords be ripped out by wolves.
Tommy: For the audition, you will sing 16 bars of Kelly Clarkson's 'Since You've Been Gone'. If a group likes you, they will contact you directly. My tone-deaf sidekick, Justin here, will be collecting your information.
Justin: [Walking behind Tommy] If I could sing a lick, I would. But I can't. And I hate myself everyday because of it.
Tommy: [Looks over at Justin] I know.
[Looks back at audience]
Tommy: But if you think this is just some high school club where you can sing and dance your way through any social issue... Or confuse sexuality, you have come to the wrong place. There is none of that here. That's high school. This shit is real life. NOW. don't just bring it, sing it, and let's do this.
Bumper: You girls are awesome... ly horrible. I hate you. Kill yourselves. Girl power! Sisters before misters!
[Chloe has burst, stark naked, into Beca's stall while she's showering]
Chloe: You have to audition for the Bellas!
Beca: I can't concentrate on anything you're saying until you cover your junk.
Chloe: Just consider it! One time, we sang back-up for Prince. His butt is so tiny that I can hold it with, like, one hand.
Lilly: I ate my twin in the womb.
Lilly: Hello, my name is Lily Onakurarama, I was born with gills like a fish!
Fat Amy: [cough] Slut.
Fat Amy: The kraken has been unleashed! Feel the fat power!
Lilly: Do you want to see a dead body?
Fat Amy: Crushed it.
Chloe: So, are you interested?
Beca: Sorry, it's just... it's pretty lame.
Aubrey: A-ca-scuse me? Synchronized lady dancing to a Mariah Carey chart-topper is not lame!
Chloe: We sing all over the world, and we compete in national championships!
Beca: On purpose?
Aubrey: We played the Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre, you bitch!
Fat Amy: I've wrestled crocodiles and dingoes simultaneously.
Bumper: Your weirdness is actually affecting my vocal cords, so I'm gonna need you to scoot! Skedaddle!
Chloe: This ginger needs her jiggle juice!
Tommy: Listen up, A-ca-ballers. I have been rejected by the Army, shoved into a Dora The Explorer backpack, and pushed into the girls' locker room wearing nothing but suspenders. But no matter. I am in the world that I love. And with the assistance of my boy Justin...
Justin: My liege.
Tommy: ...I launch this year's audition.
Tommy: Belly roll.
[while Justin is drumming on his stomach]
Tommy: The most recent ICCA national champion winners get to pick the audition song.
[Justin mimics cymbal crashing]
Beca: [whispering with other Bellas, excluding Aubrey and Chloe] All right nerds! Let's go with...
Fat Amy: A cappella with sock puppets? Genius!
Aubrey: I won't disappoint you. My dad always says, if you're not here to win, get the hell out of Kuwait!
Barden Greeter: Here's your campus map, and your official BU rape whistle! Don't blow it unless it's actually happening!
Bumper: I'm willing to sign breasts!
Beca: The audience loves the Trebles. They tolerate us. We could change the face of a cappella if we... oh my God, that sounded so queerballs. What's happening to me?
Kimmy Jin: The white girl is back.
Fat Amy: I'm just gonna pump and dump.
Aubrey: Chloe, your voice didn't sound Aguilerian at all!
Fat Amy: I'm vertical running!
Fat Amy: Fine. I'll give you both my number.
John: Women are about as good at a cappella as they are at being doctors.
Aubrey: A-ca-huddle, now!
Fat Amy: What are you turd burgers talking about? Dressing for comfort?
Justin: The side effects of medical marijuana, ladies and gentlemen.
Beca: Yeah, well, I shut everybody out. Don't take it personally. It's just easier.
Tommy: Listen up, a-ca-ballers.
Kolio: Yo, Bump - is that Fat Amy?
Jewish Student: Shalom!
Fat Amy: That's not a real word, but keep trying. You will get there.
Beca: Not a lot of Jewish people where you're from?
Fat Amy: Aaah, no - I did do Fiddler on the Roof though, in high school, it was like me and some Aboriginals, it was really Jewish... it was full on Jew. Hey guys, alright, I'll give you my number.
Beca: No, Dad, I Don't Actually Care. I Just Wanted To Say "Stepmonster".