There haven't been many movies that I have watched where I have felt compelled to begin writing a review of it before I even finish watching it. The few times this has happened, it has been to heap praise upon the movie. Although "Crowsnest" has joined the list of movies that have given me this compulsion, it is not due to it getting any praise.
Put simply, "Crowsnest" is a found footage film filled with whiny and annoying college age friends who are going on a trip and go off course in order to get beer at half price. As the friend's are driving an SUV, the first thought that occurs is that the gas money needed for them to go off course will probably burn through more of their money than regular price beer would. The town they stop is reminiscent of the cliché horror movie gas station that used to give Roger Ebert fits when he reviewed horror movies. Later in the movie, one of the girls take a break outside of the car and is almost hit by an RV. Feeling angry, they go after the RV to get its license plate numbers.
Almost every horror movie has the one mistake, a phenomena mentioned in Jeepers Creepers (2001) as the moment someone does something stupid and everyone hates him for it. This moment would appear to be the moment that Kirk decides to follow the RV. Although the remainder of the movie from this point on is every other person blaming absolutely everything on Kirk, it is never made clear how anything that happens is actually his fault. Kirk receives more undeserved blame in this movie than Barack Obama has gotten in over four years as president.
Apparently annoyed because the protagonists are following them, the driver of the RV decides to go ahead and chase them. It is at that point that we are given a lesson as to the power and durability of an RV. Although our heroes are driving an SUV, it apparently cannot outrun this enormous RV. When one of the girls gets out of the car to throw up, she is hit by the RV. Apparently not only is the RV huge and powerful, it also has powers of stealth that one would not expect from a vehicle of its size. I immediately assumed it was the Ultimate Behemoth from the first seasons "Simpsons" episode.
Finally our heroes realize that the only way for them to survive is to try to find help. Their cell phones do not work, of course, because a cell phone working in a horror movie is against international law. But this minor setback does not deter this brave group of youths. They come up with the brilliant plan that if they cannot get a phone signal, they need to go further up on the mountain to get a signal. Not only is the top of the mountain an ideal place to get a wireless signal, it also is the optimum area for them to be when the police decide to rescue them.
Inevitably, the trip to the top of the mountain fails when the road ends. However, these heroes remain steadfast and come up with an even more clever idea. Since they still do not have a cell phone signal, they should get out of the car and continue to climb to the top of the hill. They do this, and within minutes it has been decided, yet again, that they are all going to die and every character has to mention, for the record, the entire thing is Kirk's fault. It takes Justin about three minutes into his trip into the woods to realize he is going to freeze to death.
As much as I would like to say that what has happened up until this point is the pinnacle of the collective stupidity of the characters, that would be giving them way too much credit. What follows from here are idiotic mistakes, more blaming of Kirk, cannibals driving an RV, people's hands and feet falling off, and some of the absolute worst movie making in existence.
In spite of all of this, and in spite of the low rating I am going to give this movie, I cannot totally not recommend it. If nothing else, "Crowsnest" was fun to watch in the same manner that a bad oral report in school is fun to watch. You realize that the speaker has done no research and almost no preparation for their presentation and enjoy watching them try to bullshit their way into at least a passing grade. Of course the presenter, much like this movie, ends up failing. But it is mildly fun watching them squirm.
One star out of four.