User Reviews (1,656)

  • Viktor D15 May 2017
    2/10
    Where no idiot has gone before.....apart from in Prometheus of course!
    Warning: Spoilers
    So once again, after the debacle of Prometheus, Ridley Scott has proved himself simultaneously a master of visuals and yet utterly incompetent when it comes to creating a believable Alien story.

    The single biggest problem I had with Prometheus was the collection of imbeciles and weirdos that made up the crew, and one might have hoped that Mr Scott would have realised that himself and made amends this time round. Errr.... no, sadly not. Once again we're treated to a crew of simpletons who make THE MOST pathetic and unbelievable decisions possible. Are we really supposed to believe that a crew would just ditch it's primary mission (that we're told had been over 10 years in the planning to ensure their destination was safe, etc) just because they happened to stumble on a new planet purely by chance? Just plain ludicrous. And that's just the start. A few more examples :

    • Assuming we suspend our disbelief and accept the whole "let's risk all the colonists and everything we have planned for decades for to land on this new unknown planet instead" premise, why do these alleged scientists once again TOTALLY disregard the need for any protective clothing? So no breathing equipment, nothing at all to protect them from any alien pathogens. Good thinking!


    • Faced with a choice of sending either an android, or pretty much the entire human crew with no protective gear, to investigate an alien world, who should go? Yeah that's right, send all the unprotected humans!


    • Choice of landing right near the source of the unknown signal, or land several miles away and in a foot of water despite there being solid and flat ground a few feet away? Yep, it's wet feet and a huge hike all round folks!


    • Little alien pods on this alien world puffing their alien spores into the air? Sure, just get your nose in there and have a good sniff. I'm sure it'll be fine!


    • Crewmen get infected by said spores? Don't worry about any quarantine procedures, just carry them back to the ship while getting covered in their vomited-up blood.


    • Alien organism just burst out of said infected crewman? Just open up the locked door and try to shoot it, but be careful you don't miss at point blank range and then slip up on the blood.... twice. (When that happened, people actually laughed in the cinema. I was half expecting a comedy sound effect the second time!)


    • Tens of thousands of dead bodies, and an enormous dead city solely inhabited by David the android from the Prometheus mission, that the planetary scan managed to NOT pick up from orbit when determining the planet to be "safe"? No need to ask David what happened, just accept that it's all fine.


    • Dark basements to go into all on your own? Do it! Nothing bad will happen.


    • Huge alien eggs opening in front of you? Just have a good look inside. What could possibly go wrong?!


    The list of stupid decisions just goes on and on AND ON!

    While visually the film is generally excellent, the all-CGI-Alien was a huge let-down. Personally I found it considerably less convincing than the practical effects used in Alien and Aliens, which is unforgivable considering the creature is what these films are all about!

    Additionally the crew, apart from being imbeciles (as is usual under Mr Scott's direction these days), are also completely forgettable. I saw this movie last night and I can't remember a single character's name today. The one exception is David/Walter, and once again Fassbender does a great job. (Perhaps that's why there's two of them - to make up for a lack of any other decent characters).

    The other problem narrative-wise is that both Prometheus and Covenant have actually served to make the Alien universe much SMALLER in my opinion. In the original Alien and Aliens, the creature was just an unknown organism from the far reaches of the universe, and all the more scary because of it. (The same went for the Space Jockey for that matter). But these new movies have tried to tie it all back to humanity in some way - i.e. the Engineers (who are also the Space Jockeys) created both humanity and the black oil virus, and then the Xenomorph was apparently created by David (who was in turn created by man) somehow doing some genetic tinkering with the black oil and human DNA, while living in a cave and playing with his flute. Far from expanding the Alien universe, both these prequels have actually shrunk it by making man the centre of everything, while at the same time managing to sanitise and neuter one of the greatest movie creatures of all time. So what Ridley Scott is saying is that the entire Alien series and the iconic Xenomorph itself was just created by a deranged android with God/daddy issues. How very pathetic and disappointing. I personally hate it when movies try to explain everything to the millionth degree because it invariably ends up as a massive anticlimax. What was wrong with the Xenomorph just being some hideous unknown life-form from the far reaches of space???

    I could go on and on, but there's a word limit here.

    Lastly, the end is just pretty feeble and anticlimactic. The CG- Alien just kind of gets killed and that's it. And the *ahem* "twist" with David/Walter could be seen from a mile away, although David wouldn't have had anywhere near enough time to cut his own arm off and change his clothes and hairstyle.

    Please PLEASE Mr Scott, stand aside and let Neill Blomkamp have his shot at an Aliens sequel.

    A generous 2 Stars. One for the visuals that are once again gorgeous, and one for a great effort from Fassbender.
  • banks-5164827 May 2017
    1/10
    In a cinema no one can hear you cringe
    Warning: Spoilers
    After watching Prometheus I was looking forward to Alien Covenant, big mistake. When you can guess the ending of a film early on, are aware of the SLOW passage of time when watching it and don't give a flying f*#k about the characters and you suddenly realise you are actually BORED you know you have a dud.

    Yeah, big budget, impressive scenery but no new ideas here folks. It's like the writers didn't care anymore. "Hey, we'll make money out of this no matter what let's just chuck a bunch of derivative s@#t in the script, no one will notice". One word...PREDICTABLE.
  • petterssjoberg7 June 2017
    1/10
    Worst Alien movie and an insult so its fans. -Spoilers-
    This movie is not worth the money. Its the worst Alien movie i have seen and i have seen all Alien (xenomorphs) movies.

    You don't care about the characters and they are so god damn stupid all the time! My god its an insult to watch and they flushed all the lore down the drain.

    This movie is about droids and not aliens or the engineers. It does not explain anything at all and it totally kills Prometheus handling.

    Im happy Sigourney Weaver did not sign up for this crap.
  • Fredrick Jackson21 May 2017
    1/10
    Not just disappointed, I am angry.
    Warning: Spoilers
    I started going to the movies when I was about 8 or 9 years old. I am now 71 years old. My oldest daughter and I have tried to get to the newest movie, every weekend, for the past 35 years. When watching movies, I never complain about the actor/actress in the movie. My concern is the writer/director of the movie. Acting,now, is like working at McDonald's was when I was growing up. There is so much money involved in movie making that with a few classes, young people can make a living in the movie industry. I have a nephew, living in L.A., that started right out of high school working with a crew that puts "set's" together for movies and TV. He even got credit at the end of some of the movies he worked on. Amazing that a person can get credit for putting furniture on and off a set.

    I put in my summary that I was not just disappointed in this movie, but angry. I am not angry at the movie, the actor's, the CGI, or the Director. I think that I am angry at the movie industry for allowing this kind of crap to be put in the theater. I am angry, because I actually paid money to see this piece of crap. I am angry because Riddley Scott promised so much more. I thought that "Prometheus" was actually pretty good,despite it flaws. It was a movie about possibilities and that is what science fiction is for. The possibilities ended when the mentally Ill android, destroyed the Engineers. I am now done with this series of movies, there is no more story to tell. A mentally ill human (Weyland), created a mentally ill android (David), who created Xenomorphs that kill humans. That's it folks, the story is over,no need for two more pieces of crap like this.

    Thanks to Alien Covenant, I am done going to the movie theater. I will not pay another dime to go to the theater. We movie lovers are being abused by the movie industry. I have told you a better story in less than a thousand words then this piece of crap told anyone on planet earth. Ridley had 97 Million dollars to tell us a better story and he didn't. If you have not paid to see it, don't pay to see it. Wait until it comes to your steaming device and see it for free. That way you can't be disappointed or angry. Please forgive the rambling.
  • statuskuo22 May 2017
    1/10
    Insulting Piece of Idiocy
    Warning: Spoilers
    How in God's name did Scott make a worse movie than "Alien 3"? And then Rotten Tomatoes reviewers gives it a Fresh rating to boot. Any skepticism I've had for that rating site being an accurate barometer has imploded.

    This movie is a masterful mess. The worse thing Scott has ever done. I won't step too much into the plot, as others have already given the best parts of comical nonsense away. Only to say this, the movie begins with a captain of the ship, who...is a free rock climber...who takes a selfie video with one hand on the rock...nearly falling. This is the man they initially send to guide a ship with "terraformers" to set up a society. Then the second in charge...he answers a random beacon and decides it is a better course of action to follow up on that rather than stay the course. Dumb beyond belief.

    I am through with Scott. I've been a fan for decades, but the slide is real. Like painfully real. He is treading not only over similar material, he is gutting it and leaving the fans to rot in the sun. This is the worse of the series and everyone involved should be ashamed. A true crime of a movie.
  • dean_spencer7213 May 2017
    1/10
    Heartbroken and disappointed :/
    Warning: Spoilers
    I'm a huge Alien fan and was massively impressed by Prometheus, and like all avid Alien fans I was excited to see Convenant - but what an utter disappointment.

    I thought the beginning was spectacular, except for the fact an obvious and critical error was made to explore an unknown planet. Then the face-palm moments increased at an alarming pace.

    The scene where the first Alien was born, and the events leading up to it, was simply painful to watch. e.g. why would a specially trained scientist hug a clearly infected soldier while he's having a seizure and bleeding all over the place? simple - poor writing.

    I have to say the moment when the 2 Aliens attacked from the bushes was intense and highly suspenseful, but that was the only relief before it was obvious I'd wasted my money.

    The fact that David was scarier than the Aliens, that one idiotic decision was made after the other, and that many questions after Prometheus were left unanswered - make Alien Covenant a monumental failure. What a crying shame.
  • rossmccarthy199021 May 2017
    1/10
    You canceled Blomkamp's Alien 5 for THIS?!!!
    Warning: Spoilers
    After the amazing Alien and Aliens, (and I believe the hard done by Alien 3), we had a string of utter tripe from this franchise, and this is no better.

    Character development is almost non existent, with the vast majority of people there simply to die.

    Danny Mcbride might as well have had a leash on him, for all the acting he was allowed to do, and James Franco showed more charisma than anyone else in the movie...and he died before even having a speaking role.

    The film has gone down this ancient feel/setting, which didn't work in AVP, or Prometheus, and just flat out bores to death in this film.

    And the "twist" at the end was so obvious that there was an audible "DUH" and "NO SH*T" from onlookers in the cinema during the reveal.

    Ridley Scott's last two films have led me to believe a couple of things.

    1. He can't do jack without a GREAT script 2. His movies look good, but are boring as hell 3. Alien was a fluke! It was a mess of ideas that all came together and somehow worked, but that was by accident and not design...or at least not by Scott's design.

    Unless Cameron, or possibly Blomkamp (hell even give David Fincher another go) get involved, or perhaps someone equally as talented, we're just going to see Ridley Scott spew his old man, self indulgent philosophical man juice all over our faces for the foreseeable future

    It was an OK by film standards...but by an Alien film standards it was pure muck.

    And a final note. A TWIN ANDROID FIST FIGHT AKIN TO X-MEN belongs nowhere near an Alien move.
  • andrew-7468520 May 2017
    1/10
    Alien? Meet Annoying Android with Daddy Issues
    Warning: Spoilers
    I don't really know what to say. I am such a fan of Alien, this movie truly offends me. It's intellectually offensive and insults the audience - especially fans familiar with Alien/Aliens. I really just want to vote and bring the score down for this horrible movie.

    Others have already said it. The biggest problem is that the plot is idiotic. Worst writing ever. Prometheus had problems, and instead of addressing those problems in sensible ways that take us back to the meat and potatoes of the Alien narrative, which is, you know, THE ALIEN, it does the opposite, and leaves all those problems in place and then makes them even worse.

    Did Alien3 make you mad? Alien4? This movie will make you even madder! It's not about a personal preference that things be changed here or there, from beginning to end the movie is a confused mess. The writers are trying to do way too much. The writers also think the audience is stupid and can't figure certain things out for themselves. But then the writers also don't bother trying to fill in some logic huge holes that deserve some answers. Without spoilers it's difficult to get into specifics.

    The thing that is really bad is that this movie is a prequel. So we're supposed to be filling in story gaps that lead into the movies we already know and love, Alien/Aliens. This movie creates a narrative that is insulting to those films. The origin of this awesome Alien character? I'm not sure why that is something which needs to be answered to begin with, but, oh, turns out, some jackass that didn't get enough hugs as a child decided to create it out of boredom. Yep, that's it. Oh, well thanks for making a whole movie to tell the story of this stupid idea.

    This movie takes the great "xenomorph" character and basically neuters it. Nothing special. Just the invention of a lunatic. What was Scott thinking, seriously? Here is our alpha character, the scariest science fiction villain of all time, chop off the testes, replace it with an annoying android/robot with daddy issues that won't shut up and then give it the dumbest/cheesiest dialog ever.

    And then of course the movie then also has the characters doing things that defy logic/common sense. Similar to Prometheus where Charlize Theron is running away from a huge wheel in a straight line rather than, I don't know, turning left or right or something. Or morons marooned in a cave that decide it's a good idea to play with an alien snake. Except worse. Situation after situation things like this happen that insult you. Nobody, even the dumbest of the dumb, would act like this. Much less professionals who are elite members of a crew traveling across the galaxy to colonize another planet. Everything that happens is easily avoided.

    Beside insulting you in every way imaginable with the completely stupid plot, the movie is just boring. There isn't much action at all. If you are hoping to see the Alien doing what it does best, kick butt, forget it. And instead of giving us the alien we know and love, which is scary and realistic, they come up with a variety of other CGI aliens which look very different, fake, and not scary. And there is no rhyme or reason for any of it. I'm not interested in DNA experiments and the creation of these other spin off aliens... I want THE ALIEN.

    I'm shocked to be honest. I don't understand how Ridley Scott can possibly be so detached from reality. Is the man sub intelligent? I'm serious. Whoever wrote this is a literal idiot. I don't know how else to say it. If the Alien franchise didn't already exist, nobody would watch this movie. It's nonsense from beginning to end. This isn't even an Alien movie. What is it? I don't know. It was nothing but confusion. A wannabe Blade Runner/android/robot movie?
  • ashzombola12 May 2017
    5/10
    Utterly heartbroken by this disastrous monstrosity
    Warning: Spoilers
    Dear Ridley Scott, You've ruined my life, you've ruined the lives of others, you've ruined your own life. I genuinely think you have a mental disorder. It's the only explanation. I have no words. I tried to write a fair, logical and critical review, but the 10,000 character limit wasn't enough to cover the sheer volume and perplexity and magnitude of brain hurting plot holes, editing, directing, story, acting and absurdity of the nonsensical destruction of the very thing you created. If I had the rest of your life to sit and explain the utter repugnance and absurdity of every choice you have made, it would still not be enough. Everything, is wrong. Even your own wrongs are wrong about the wrongs you've already wronged. I'm speechless. I'm just going to breath. Breath and try to remain calm as I remove every piece of Alien: Covenant and Prometheus from my mind. I feel dirty and infected, repulsed by this miasma of psycho vomit you have inflicted upon me.

    My brain feels like the magical, inexplicable, story excusing black ooze... that's sometimes dust... and sometimes from insects... and sometimes is used as a plot device to explain absolutely nothing, and destroy people in vastly conflicting and apparently never ending ways, including itself. Perhaps from the ashes of my DNA, new life will be made. But apparently, not all the time. So I don't even have hope. Clearly, nothing makes sense anymore.

    Yours sincerely
  • dom_ti200011 June 2017
    1/10
    What a joke
    Warning: Spoilers
    This movie is an insult, not only to Alien fans but to each and every cinephile. Hollywood has been happily churning out a lot of garbage lately, it's all about the money, they just bank on the name, doesn't matter if it's good or not as long as they make a profit. Hope this one loses money, I feel bad cause I got suckered into going opening day.

    Like the video game crash of 1983, maybe one day, one day soon there will be a movie industry crash when people won't even bother going to see any more crappy sequels/prequels, unnecessary reboots, and other misleading bad creations of Hollywood, this is not entertainment, it's a just a kick in the brain.

    I feel bad for every Alien fan out there, I found nothing to enjoy here. The direction they took the Alien lore is just... dull, even Prometheus was more enjoyable.

    Alien Covenant - a waste of talent, time and money.

    (This is my second review, I wrote more harsh things and it got deleted)
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