- Dave Attell: Welcome to Dave's Old Porn!
- Marc Maron: Oh my God, thanks for having me. I was looking forward to jerking off with you.
- Marc Maron: [watching the first clip with Christy Canyon] And those are like genuine, I think.
- Dave Attell: Genuine? I call them real.
- Dave Attell: Well fake boobs are kinda like newscasters. They really only have like two expressions, you know, like really excited or really sad.
- Marc Maron: But either way, you think they're just acting.
- Marc Maron: That's a from behind finger blast, is that what you call it? You're the pro.
- Dave Attell: I call it the 'Cincinatti Hello.'
- Marc Maron: Oh, sure, sure, I, I always knew it as 'Cleveland', but whatever.
- Dave Attell: [Dave laughs] We both worked different clubs.
- Dave Attell: Yeah, but you can't trim an Armenian bush, it will make it rain and ruin the harvest. Doesn't this guy know gypsy... legends?
- Christy Canyon: I hope you don't look at every girl's pussy the same.
- Dave Attell: Sometimes I look at it, sometimes I giggle in it, sometimes I pray to it.
- Christy Canyon: Who are you dating?
- Dave Attell: This is a common theme in porn, ok.
- Marc Maron: What, the guy with the belt?
- Dave Attell: The lonely, super hot chick and the two, like working men come in. It's never like a scientist and a mime, you know?
- Dave Attell: [watching a threeway] Which guy do you most relate to, here?
- Marc Maron: The guy holding the camera?
- Dave Attell: I rela-
- [bursts out laughing]
- Dave Attell: Fuck it, you grabbed it, dude. Excellent one. Marc Maron is here, everybody, is here.
- Christy Canyon: The girls are definitely fun, but I've always been into guys more than girls. But I love girls! They're beautiful.
- Marc Maron: Guys have cocks.