Lucy Wilde: [from trailer]

[spotting Gru and Dru with a weapon]

Lucy Wilde: So, you two are villains now?

Gru: Whaa...?

[hides the weapon]

Gru: I mean, hello, sweetie.

Dru: [whispering to Gru out of the corner of his mouth] Busted...

Gru: You told me my father died of disappointment the day I was born!

Gru: Wait, did we...

Dru: ...just finish...

Gru: ...each...

Dru: ...other's...

GruDru: Sentences!

Dru: [laughs]

Gru: [laughs] Sorry, it's a twin thing.

[from trailer]

Lucy Wilde: [about Dru's mansion] This place is amazing!

Dru: It's nice, I guess, sure.

[puts on sunglasses]

Dru: I'm not really into things...

[opens the doors, which reveals tons of red vehicles]

Agnes: The soup of the day, madame and monsieur. The Gummi Bears were my idea.

Gru: [Looks warily at soup] Mmm. Looks almost too good to even eat. Am I right?

Agnes: But I made it for you.

Gru: [Takes a spoonful, struggles to avoid retching] Mmm, mmm, mmm! Good soup! I love the combination...

[swallows]

Gru: ... of Gummi Bears and meat.

Balthazar Bratt: [On TV] Gum one, gum all!

Balthazar Bratt: "Gum one, gum all!" Seriously, how did this show not win an Emmy?

Balthazar Bratt: Hello, Gru. How's your transition coming? You know, from world's worst villain to world's worst agent.

[pulls out a gun and aims it at Gru]

Gru: [sarcastic] Oh, that's hilarious. You should be on TV.

[slaps the gun away]

Gru: Oh, that's right, you were!

[aims the Freeze Ray and aims it at Bratt]

Gru: But then you got canceled!

[laughs]

Balthazar Bratt: [kicks the Freeze Ray away; pulls out a humongous gun and aims it at Gru] Ha ha!

Gru: Oh, what about that?

[punches the gun away and squirts a squirt gun at Bratt]

Gru: Whaa...? Ah, girls!

[throws the squirt gun at Bratt and throws punches at him]

Balthazar Bratt: [dodges the punches] Dance fight!

[dodges and dances as Gru tries to catch him]

Margo: No, I meant to be tougher on them, not me!

Mel the Minion: [singing onstage in the Sing competition with other Minions] Pito pato milo mila taka tiki poulet tika Cepa la joi demitoka lana moule macarena. Pao leggis pabo pati mele cepa maka guta mami lebel mela mustache elle muchaaaa...

[from trailer]

Dru: [to Gru] Your discomfort is hilarious!

Balthazar Bratt: You know, Clive, playing a villain on TV was fun... but being one in real life is even better! Heist music!

Clive the Robot: Here it comes.

[puts cassette on radio; "Take My Breath Away" plays]

Balthazar Bratt: What? Clive, what are you doing? How is that heist music!

Clive the Robot: Sorry, my bad.

[Flips cassette over; "Bad" by Michael Jackson plays]

[from trailer]

Lucy Wilde: So, what did you guys do today?

GruDru: [lying] Nothing!

[from featurette]

Gru: [to Agnes] We're going to be fine.

Agnes: I just wanted to help, since you don't have a job. I got two whole dollars!

Minions: Aww...

[from featurette]

Dru: [to Gru] Ready to be villains together?

[from featurette]

Gru: How about we steal the largest diamond in the WORLD?

Lucy Wilde: [to Gru and Dru] Aw, it's so nice to see that you two are getting along. Oh, that's delightful. Not creepy at all. You're gonna stop now though, right?

Margo: Uh, it's okay to tell them no sometimes, too, you know. Moms need to be tough.

Balthazar Bratt: Jamone!

[from trailer]

Military Guard: [steps on Bratt's bubble gum] Ew...

[from trailer]

Valerie Da Vinci: [looking at a photo of Bratt's attack on a military ship] It's some kind of monster!

Silas: Wait, that's not a monster!

[zooms in]

Silas: That's a man wearing shoulder pads. There's only one supervillain whose fashion sense is quite that dated... Balthazar Bratt. I want every agent on the scene immediately!

[from trailer]

Balthazar Bratt: This is not over!

[overpowers Gru with gun]

[from trailer]

Military Officer: [to Bratt as he attempts to steal the largest diamond in the world] Freeze!

[Bratt throws an exploding 80s rubix cube at him and other guards]

[from trailer]

Lucy Wilde: Agents Grucy are closing fast!

Gru: Yes! Wait, wha? What did you call us?

Lucy Wilde: Grucy. You know, Gru and Lucy mushed together. Grucy.

Gru: [laughs] I like it, but not a lot. I don't like it.

[from trailer]

Gru: [sees a military ship covered in Bratt's bubble gum] WHAAA?

[from trailer]

Gru: [hanging naked from strings of bubble gum; passes a window with a group of people singing happy birthday who start laughing and taking photos] Happy Birthday dear Dan. Happy Birthday...

Minions: [watching from binoculars] ... to you!

[laugh]

[from trailer]

Dru: So, how are things career-wise?

Gru: [lying] Ha ha, great! So so great, crushing it...

[from trailer]

Lucy Wilde: Get ready!

Gru: Get ready for wha...

[Lucy propels him off his water bike and onto a military ship]

Gru: ... aaaaAAAAHH...

Balthazar Bratt: Hello, Gru.

[threatens Gru with his large gun]

Balthazar Bratt: Ha ha!

Gru: [knocks the gun away] Oh, what about that?

[squirts a squirt gun in Bratt's face]

Gru: Wha? Agh, girls!

[tries to punch Bratt, who slides beneath him]

Balthazar Bratt: Dance fight!

[dodges, dances, and sings all at once as Gru tries to catch him]

Dru: Face it, Gru! Villainy is in your blood!

Lucy Wilde: Nobody, NOBODY curses my daughter, you got that? Because if you mess with Margo, you mess with me! And I promise, you do not want to mess with me! Do you understand me?

[from trailer]

Valerie Da Vinci: You let the most wanted villain just get away! You're fired!

[from trailer]

Minion: [looks at a statue of a Gru relative and laughs; to another Minion] Hey, sesct Gru gon boobs!

[from trailer]

Dru: [to Gru] I brought you here to continue the family business. Villainy is in your blood!

[from trailer]

Gru: There's always a blind guy!

Dru: [about the Despicamobile] Goes zero to 400 in three seconds, able to withstand a nuclear blast, armed to the teeth...

[Deploys dozens of weapons]

Gru: [laughs] Okay, that's pretty nice!

Dru: And it's a hybrid.

[from trailer]

Gru: [about villainy] I left that life behind me.

Dru: I understand. Hmm, I wonder what this does.

[pulls down a lever which reveals the Despicamobile]

Gru: Ho ho ho! Holy moly!

Dru: Become a villain again.

Gru: Mmmm...

Agnes: [to the Scar Faced Man] You saw a for real, like, unicorn? What did it look like? Did you pet it? Did it smell like candy? Was it FLUFFY?

The Scar Faced Man: It was so fluffy... I thought I was gonna die!

[Agnes smiles and screams extremely loud]

Lucy Wilde: [outside the shop] Agnes!

[breaks in and severely attacks everyone]

Lucy Wilde: Excuse me!

[grabs a dart from someone and puts it in another person]

Lucy Wilde: Don't worry, I'm here!

[picks Agnes up]

Lucy Wilde: Are you okay?

[pants]

Edith: Yeah, we're fine. Are you...?

Agnes: Unicorns are really real! And I'm gonna find ONE!

[happily runs outside the shop]

Lucy Wilde: [to everyone who is knocked out on the floor after she attacked them] Sorry. Went a little mamma bear on ya. You know, I heard a scream and... Yeah, okay. Have a good one!

[from TV Spot]

Valerie Da Vinci: Agent Gru, YOU'RE FIRED!

Lucy Wilde: If you fire him, you're gonna have to fire me. Do you really wanna do that? Alu-ya.

[guards throw them out]

Lucy Wilde: Well, I guess she did.

[from TV Spot]

Gru: Minions, we're going back to villainy!

[Minions cheer]

[from TV Spot]

Prisoner: [accidentally kicks a ball the the Minions, who take advantage of it] Hey, give that back!

[Minions refuse and attack]

[from Trailer]

Prisoner: [to a Minion after they all shower] We've been waiting a long time.

Prisoner: [Minion whips him with towel] No, no!

[from TV Spot]

[Minions come into prison room snapping fingers]

Prisoner: Oh, no. Run!

Gru: [on a boat, which is zooming toward Bratt's tower] I'm going in. Take the wheel.

Dru: Ah, I still don't see why I can't go with you!

Gru: Hey, we've discussed this! Now is not the time to mess with the plans!

Dru: Fine...

[Gru shoots up onto the tower]

AgnesMargo: [to Gru and Lucy] Aloha!

[show them a Hawaiian decorated tree]

Gru: [irritated] This is unexpected...

Margo: [puts a lei with flowers on it on Gru] Well, you never got to go on a honeymoon, so...

Edith: [recording with her phone] ... we made you dinner!

Agnes: It's a luau!

[hands Lucy a lei with flowers on it]

Agnes: We got pineapples and coconuts and ukuleles!

[drags Lucy as Margo drags Gru]

Gru: [irritated still] Oh, yay...

Balthazar Bratt: [Repeated line] I've been a bad boy!

Gru: [about the hundreds of Bratt dolls in his lair] He must have bought them all. Who would want a doll like this?

Dru: Ooh, I used to have one of these!

Gru: You didn't have to do that, though. I know you love your job.

Lucy Wilde: I love other things more.

[last lines]

Lucy Wilde: Let's get him.

Gru: Honey, he's my brother. We'll give him a 5 minute head start.

Balthazar Bratt: You've ruined everything! And now it's time to die! Any last words, Gru!

Gru: You know what? I got two words for you: dance fight!

[starts dancing]

Balthazar Bratt: Oh, it is on like Donkey Kong!

Gru: [from trailer]

[about Balthazar Bratt]

Gru: He's getting away!

Lucy Wilde: That's what he thinks!

Gru: [from trailer]

[to his Minions as they celebrate being villains again]

Gru: This does not mean that we are going back to being villains.

Dru: [from trailer] My brother! Finally, I'm meeting you!

[from trailer]

Valerie Da Vinci: [to Gru and Lucy] How could you let Balthazar Bratt just get away? You're fired!

[from trailer]

Fritz: Excuse me.

Gru: [sighs] Hey, could you...?

[hands Fritz the vacuum wand to a vacuum]

Fritz: Oh, uh, of course. Now, as I was saying...

[vacuum turns into a small rocket]

Gru: Goodbye.

[the rocket launches with Fritz holding onto it]

[from trailer]

Gru: Seriously?

[Fritz limps back]

Fritz: I really must...

[adjusts his spine]

Fritz: ... have a word with you on behalf of your twin brother, Dru.

Gru: Whaa? Twin brother?

Agnes: Twin brother?

Minions: Twin brother?

[from trailer]

Agnes: [selling the Fluffy Unicorn] He's really good to snuggle with.

Gru: [after Agnes sell the Fluffy Unicorn; runs over to her] Agnes, what are you doing?

Agnes: Since you don't have a job, I just wanted to help.

Minions: Aww...

[from trailer]

Gru: I can't wait to meet my brother!

[from trailer]

Dru: MY BROTHER!

[laughs and runs hands through hair in slow-motion]

Gru: Ugh.

Dru: You ready to continue the family tradition, you and me?

Gru: No.

[admiring a handful of weapons]

Gru: I left that life behind me.

Dru: Just one heist?

Gru: Mmm...

[from trailer]

Gru: I'm going in!

[from trailer]

Dru: [slipping down Bratt's tower toward spikes] Ah! I'm gonna be impaled! Ahh!

[stops an inch away from the spikes]

Dru: Ha ha, I'm okay!

[from trailer]

Dru: [to Lucy] You must be his beautiful wife!

[spins Lucy into his arms]

Lucy Wilde: Oh!

[laughs]

Lucy Wilde: Stop it!

[tugs on Dru's scarf]

Lucy Wilde: Sweet talker.

[from trailer]

Dru: [jumping up and down while "hugging" Gru] Who doesn't love this guy? Look at him! Oh, the hair would make you better.

[lightly punches Gru all over, who tries to stop him]

Dru: Look at his face! Oh, he's so mad!

[does an impression of Gru's face]

[from trailer]

Dru: [to Gru] My brother!

[jumps up and down and hugging Gru]

Dru: Finally I'm meeting you!

[from trailer]

Gru's Mom: [shows Gru pictures of when he and Dru were babies] Shortly after you and your brother were born, your father and I divorced, and we each took one son.

[crumples up the pictures]

Gru's Mom: Obviously,

[laughs]

Gru's Mom: I got second pick.

Gru: I have a twin brother!

Gru: I miss the Minions!