Jughead Jones: He'll be here tonight as the sun has its last shadow upon the earth and the crescent moon is risen upon the Eastern ridge.

Betty Cooper: So... like 9 o'clock?

Jughead Jones: [sighs] Yes Betty, he'll be here around 9.

Jughead Jones: [to Archie] What? Sardonic humor is just my way of relating to the world.

Kevin Keller: Can I borrow the truck for the drive-in?

Sherrif Keller: You got a date?

Kevin Keller: No, I'm going with Veronica.

Sherrif Keller: Ah okay. Isn't there a nice gay kid at your school?

Kevin Keller: Yes, there is. Me.

Sherrif Keller: Alright. No cruising guys tonight. We both know what goes in those woods.

Kevin Keller: Oh my God, dad!

Moose Mason: So, Saturday night...

Kevin Keller: Listen Moose, you're hot. Yes. My type? Definitely. But you've got more demons than The Exorcist. We are all on the spectrum but my gay-o-meter says you should stick with what you know best... girls.

[tries to open a box in Miss Grundy's car]

Betty Cooper: Bobby pin.

Veronica Lodge: Okay, Ms. MacGyver.

[unlocks box]

Betty Cooper: I learned that from the Nancy Drew detective handbook.

Betty Cooper: I'm not gonna ask what you did with Veronica at Cheryl's. I'm asking you now, right now, if you love me, Archie, or even like me?

Archie Andrews: Of course I love you, Betty. But I can't give you the answer you want.

Betty Cooper: Why?

Archie Andrews: You are so perfect. I've never been good enough for you. I'll never be good enough for you.

Cheryl Blossom: Color me impressed. A B&E with B&V. What would your Holy Roller mother say about this, Betty?

Betty Cooper: What are you doing here, Cheryl?

Kevin Keller: And where did you get those thigh-high boots? They're amazing.

Kevin Keller: Is it true what they say about your dad?

Veronica Lodge: That he's the devil incarnate? I stand by my father. Does everyone here know?

[awkward silence]

Veronica Lodge: Wonderful! Ten minutes in and I'm already the "Blue Jasmine" of Riverdale High.