- Judge Morty: I sentence you to 20 days for that, and if you say anything else, I'm going to add 20 days for everything you say.
- Defendant Rick: Fuck you.
- Judge Morty: 40 days.
- Defendant Rick: Fuck you again.
- Judge Morty: 60.
- Defendant Rick: Go fuck yourself.
- Judge Morty: A year.
- Defendant Rick: Yo mama.
- Judge Morty: 10 years.
- Defendant Rick: Suck my dick.
- Judge Morty: You know something, this is going to be an interesting trial.
- Defendant Rick: This is a kangaroo court, sir!
- Judge Morty: We're not in Australia.
- [Roiland is heard cracking up laughing in the studio]
- Defendant Rick: You have a nasty mouth sir.
- Judge Morty: Oh oh I have an awful mouth.
- Defendant Rick: You have a big old fat mouth.
- Judge Morty: I do.
- Defendant Rick: You gotta have a big ol' mouth to get this dick in it.
- Judge Morty: Sure do.
- Defendant Rick: Alright.
- Judge Morty: Yup, I'm proud of it.
- Defendant Rick: I'll make sure the next time I, uh, come to court, I'll pull it out and jack on you.
- Judge Morty: Okay, why don't you do that right now?
- Defendant Rick: I jack on white boys.
- Judge Morty: Why don't you do that right now?
- Defendant Rick: Just like I jack on females.
- Judge Morty: Do it right now.
- Defendant Rick: I can't do it now.
- Judge Morty: Do it now.
- Defendant Rick: I ain't got, I ain't got...
- Judge Morty: I don't care.
- Defendant Rick: Take off the cuffs!
- Judge Morty: How many hands do you have to have to do it?
- Defendant Rick: Take off the cuffs!
- Judge Morty: Come on. No no, jack off.
- Defendant Rick: This is kangaroo court.
- Judge Morty: Come on, jack off!
- Defendant Rick: This is, this is kangaroo court!
- Judge Morty: Jack off right now!
- Defendant Rick: Are y'all gettin this?
- Judge Morty: [Showing stunned stenographer] Yeah, they're gettin it!
- Defendant Rick: I fuck boys. I fuck white, white boys.
- Judge Morty: Oh, butt-boys?
- Defendant Rick: With big butts!
- Defendant Rick: I will murder you, your whole family, your kids, I am not supposed to be in jail, I was framed, that motherfucker asked me to eat his ass for a bag of coffee.
- Defendant Rick: You'll find out how nasty I am when I murder your whole family bitch!
- Judge Morty: Okay, that's fine. You know, you'll be in jail so long you won't have a chance...
- Defendant Rick: The babies will be going Daddy! Daddy! Help me! I'm just gonna... hahaha!... I'm just going to knock their brains out with a fucking hammer! Ahahaha...
- Defendant Rick: You're not supposed to smile in court, that's a violation!
- Judge Morty: I can smile anytime I dadgum want to!