Self
Carmela
Adam Scott
Ebenezer Scrooge
Santa Claus
Announcer (voice)
Brooke Shields
Janeane Garofalo
Misty
Blair
Kenny G
Janitor
Peter Salanz
Chocolatier Customer
Punk Rocker
Carl Flossy
Alan
Dr. Vince Harbert
Virtual Woman
Virtual Pharmacist
Maya Rudolph
Chef Roy
Darryl (as David Theune)
Ben
Susan
Dianne
Michael Fulton
Baby Archer (as Eric Andre)
Jack Sparrow Chorus (as Jeff Dutton)
Jack Sparrow Chorus
Jack Sparrow Chorus (as Chris Van Artsdalen)
Jack Sparrow Orchestra
Wally
Security Guard #1
Casey Wilson
Security Guard #2
Dancer
Naomi Wilkins - Flirtation Expert (scenes deleted)
Santa
Ellen Abbie - Documentarian (scenes deleted)
Neighbor
Phone Sex Operator (uncredited)