Acetylcholine

But to say that degrades Conan the Barbarian, which is a world with slut-goddesses and pagan idols of gore and bloodshed. But It's pretty clear early on that this is not a movie capable of that level of intelligence. The Scorpion King is so vapid, obvious, styleless, thoughtless, inconsequential, and derivative that it only wanders away from the action/adventure cookie-cutter to make jokes in the 'Indiana shoots the swordsman' kind. Acting would be less hollow if it were performed by a print mold. But i did learn some things:

Metallic blades are very sharp and loud(*shling*), humans sound very juicy. It's fun to carry around human heads to prove points in conversation. Nipples magnetically cling to human hair and clothing. Repeating jingles makes it ok when your friends die. No such thing as an ugly woman in Barbaria. Even nomad mercenaries need blithering smart asses and zany inventors as sidekicks. "Why is The Rock willing to die to kill the seethy villain? He killed who? Oh, I forgot about him.." Women will kick you.. you know where. Only virgins have special powers.

I've seen too many movies where a kid can disembowel someone and a second after look so "Aww don't you just wanna squeeze him and wobble his head he's so cute." This movie is as bad as Wild Wild West.

But to say that degrades Conan the Barbarian, which is a world with slut-goddesses and pagan idols of gore and bloodshed. But It's pretty clear early on that this is not a movie capable of that level of intelligence. The Scorpion King is so vapid, obvious, styleless, thoughtless, inconsequential, and derivative that it only wanders away from the action/adventure cookie-cutter to make jokes in the 'Indiana shoots the swordsman' kind. Acting would be less hollow if it were performed by a print mold. But i did learn some things:

Metallic blades are very sharp and loud(*shling*), humans sound very juicy. It's fun to carry around human heads to prove points in conversation. Nipples magnetically cling to human hair and clothing. Repeating jingles makes it ok when your friends die. No such thing as an ugly woman in Barbaria. Even nomad mercenaries need blithering smart asses and zany inventors as sidekicks. "Why is The Rock willing to die to kill the seethy villain? He killed who? Oh, I forgot about him.." Women will kick you.. you know where. Only virgins have special powers.

I've seen too many movies where a kid can disembowel someone and a second after look so "Aww don't you just wanna squeeze him and wobble his head he's so cute." This movie is as bad as Wild Wild West.

This movie shows its true intentions when Bob(David Duchovny) arrives home after his wife's death. His tuxedo shirt is covered with her blood, splattered on him like action painting!! The movie is covered with these insane details and contrivances. Grace works at a Irish/Italian resturant! Businessman with cream cheese mustaches and Bob and Grace's screamingly obnoxious blind dates. Potty mouthed children and old, kind hearted, wise looking grandfathers, who speak nothing but banalities. The 6,8, marked cooking bibs. And don't miss how so many beer bottles and cell phones are placed near and point away from (David Duchovny)'s special place. But whatever you do, don't let the profound symbolism of the caged gorilla fly over your head. The gorilla is truely the symbolic heart of the movie. Well, asides from the still beating heart of Bob's dead wife. Don't let the movie's title, so sentimental, irrelevant, and cliche, mislead you. Don't let the blended volume of dialogue and background noise make you think its incompetent. Definitely don't let its formula and shallowness make you think its idiotic. The movie is so absurdly contrived that it has to be either a huge joke or a god awful mess. I saw the former, This movie was made to be made fun of.

This movie shows its true intentions when Bob(David Duchovny) arrives home after his wife's death. His tuxedo shirt is covered with her blood, splattered on him like action painting!! The movie is covered with these insane details and contrivances. Grace works at a Irish/Italian resturant! Businessman with cream cheese mustaches and Bob and Grace's screamingly obnoxious blind dates. Potty mouthed children and old, kind hearted, wise looking grandfathers, who speak nothing but banalities. The 6,8, marked cooking bibs. And don't miss how so many beer bottles and cell phones are placed near and point away from (David Duchovny)'s special place. But whatever you do, don't let the profound symbolism of the caged gorilla fly over your head. The gorilla is truely the symbolic heart of the movie. Well, asides from the still beating heart of Bob's dead wife. Don't let the movie's title, so sentimental, irrelevant, and cliche, mislead you. Don't let the blended volume of dialogue and background noise make you think its incompetent. Definitely don't let its formula and shallowness make you think its idiotic. The movie is so absurdly contrived that it has to be either a huge joke or a god awful mess. I saw the former, This movie was made to be made fun of.

A very vague and secretive film, throwing portentious signs all through its noir mystery formula and developing none of them. The production quality is hard to define as good or bad in the usual sense, everything seems meticulously constructed and well crafted, but so much is left unexplained and unexpressed that you wonder if it really meant anything at all. Its all like when you see The Girl the first time, so beautiful and curious, but only a fleeting glance, and all mixed up with the regular crowd surrounding her. Your left enticed and wondering, but in the end unfulfilled.

Let's be honest, one does not watch a movie such as this for the intellectual kind of stimulation. It is softcore porn, and is closer to that genre than film. As such, the acting is near always amateurish and unrealistic; story line ridiculous if even existent; and most importantly, its structure is segregated into sex scenes with filler space between them to fake a movie format. A good softcore movie has many great sex scenes, and somewhat entertaining if imbecile filler space. "Friend of the Family" has many good sex scenes, and filler space that is as kind hearted as it is hilariously absurd. This adds up well, recommended! (do make sure to get the unrated version, even god knows that softcores have multiple edits.)

Let's be honest, one does not watch a movie such as this for the intellectual kind of stimulation. It is softcore porn, and is closer to that genre than film. As such, the acting is near always amateurish and unrealistic; story line ridiculous if even existent; and most importantly, its structure is segregated into sex scenes with filler space between them to fake a movie format. A good softcore movie has many great sex scenes, and somewhat entertaining if imbecile filler space. "Emmanuelle 5" has only 4 sex scenes, mere 2 of which are decent, and 1:40 of BAD filler space. These numbers mean it's poop, don't waste your time.

It's a movie that doesn't aim for greatness, but rather goodness, and succeeds. Much of the movie isn't very good (storyline and the action sequences come to mind), much of it is good (the comic nature of many of the scenes, charismatic actors) and a whole lot more of it is merely mediocre(f/x, directing, cinematography), all of which tends to balance out in a generally positive nature.

Very underrated modernization of the classic Shakespeare play. This movie has been pretty heavily criticized for the directors outlandishness in cinematography, but he understands when to tone down the often frantic pace of the storytelling during the dramatic scenes, and in fact this relationship tends to amplify their potency. Beautifully choreographed and shot, wonderfully acted by both the supporting cast and the main 2 stars, Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes, and extremely sly modernization techniques to the dialogue. All the elizabethan dialogue remains intact, yet it all seems coherent in the modern atmosphere. mostly due to good imagery and double meaning in the phrases (ex: their swords being a gun model, or the flash of money while quoting gold.). One of the best shakespeare adaptations in the multitude of which have entered the cinemas in the past few years.

Lame, cliched superhero action movie drivel. I had high hopes for this movie, and the genre of HK buddy cop actioneers is one that i don't despise, but very rarely do i see a storyline as trite and ludicrous as this one was. This would have been forgivable, as it always is in these kinds of movies, when the action compensates, unfortunately, it did not. The action does carry the trademark surreality and over the top nature of HK action, but it's not very involving, obscenely gory, and in fact often completely incoherent (perhaps this is due to re-editing for american release, it does show signs in many places of patchwork). I was very disappointed.

Interesting, humorous, and occasionally disturbing movie heralding the corruptive powers to be gained from eating the dead. Great mood and style save this movie from its storyline, which is cheezy and formulatic. The direction, performances, and cinematography are all top notch.