gonzoriffic

THIS MOVIE IS AWESOME. b-movie goddesses julie strain and brinke stevens together for the first time ever. seeing these two was better than seeing deniro and pacino meet up in michael mann's HEAT years ago! is the plot good? you bet. it's about a sorority of cannibal girls! now if that's not a b-movie i don't know what is. i liked the script, the acting, the humor, the visual style...everything. definitely one of the best indies i've seen in a while. and believe me i've seen a lot. devin hamilton's earlier film BLEED was great, but debbie rochon totally made that film for me. with DELTA DELTA DIE, you get the whole enchilada. fans of HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS should definitely not miss this one. blood, nudity, great dialogue, and possibly julie strain's greatest role yet.

i saw this movie earlier today, and i've been reading nothing but bad reviews of it for the past 10 minutes. horror fans, true horror fans, will adore this movie. it's everything we miss about horror all rolled up into one nice gory creeped out package. so everyone needs to stop thir whining and realize rob zombie has given us a gift. when i say "us" i mean fans of true horror, the real deal. however, if being a true horror fan means griping about stuff and not appreciatingthe hard work and success of one of our own, then i hereby turn in my membership card.

i'm 25, i grew up watching the scooby doo cartoons on tv. it's not as good as 'inspector gadget', but is one of the better live-action films based on an animated series. at first i thought i'd hate it because they didn't use a real dog to play scooby, but a computer-animated character that wasn't quite realistic but wasn't quite a cartoon either. thankfully the scenes with scooby are very funny, and young kids especially will laugh pretty hard at the stuff he does. as for the human characters, matthew lillard is dead-on brilliant as shaggy, likewise for linda cardellini in the role of velma. rowan atkinson rules and i don't get why they didn't use him more in the film. also, the highly underrated miguel nunez as 'voodoo guy' was a particularly awesome casting decision. the thing that annoyed me most about this otherwise enjoyable film was some of the stupid 'modern' lingo they had the characters use (shaggy: "step off, scooby", velma: "let's get JINKY with it", daphne: "straight up!") and the use of the band sugar ray in one scene (automatically dating the movie). a great effort from director raja gosnell, he did an incredible job seeing as how it's his first movie with a lot of fx and stuff. probably the weirdest thing about this movie is it was written by jamie gunn, who wrote the gory deviant b-movie classic "tromeo and juliet" just a few short years ago.

people had been bad-mouthing this movie before it was even released. it came out today, i saw it, and i thought it kicked a lot of ass. REALLY. years ago, director george romero was attatched to direct this film, but either he couldn't get it together or his script wasn't good enough and they decided not to go with him as director. as a longtime horror/zombie movie fan, let me just say that romero already put his stamp on material like this when he made DAY OF THE DEAD in the 80s (which has a lot in common with RESIDENT EVIL in terms of setting, atmosphere, characters, plot, and general tome) and there'd be no point in him directing this type of film again. that said, i think director paul anderson has done an incredible job directing this movie! it is tense, scary, unrelenting, and moves along at a perfect pace. his previous film SOLDIER (with kurt russell) is highly underrated, you should check it out. milla jovovich and michelle rodriguez are both wonderful in RESIDENT as well, i liked them both quite a bit. this is the first movie based on a video game that i actually enjoyed, and i hope it gets a sequel fast. my only complaint is the computer-generated effects, which get ridiculously overused (come on, zombies don't need CGI makeup, just call tom savini). perhaps with more $$$ this can be remedied if they make another...and anyone who sees this & likes it will be begging for part 2.

watching "the wash" is kind of an odd experience. you laugh, you like the characters, but you wonder what the plot is really supposed to be. the jokes are there, so "the wash" is definitely a funny movie. in that respect, i enjoyed it. it seems that when d.j. pooh co-wrote the classic "friday" with ice cube, he definitely knew how to create hilarious situations and funny roles. but when he's on his own ("3 strikes" was his previous solo effort), something doesn't quite come off right. my main problem with "the wash" is the VERY ABRUPT ending. everyone will be like, "okay...it's over". they don't even bother to really wrap things up. it's just BAM...credits. the ending is weak, it could have been better. they set it up like the end of "next friday", where a couple different antagonists are brought into one situation at the same time. but the audience doesn't get much of a payoff. as chris rock might put it, "the wash" will take your clothes off, but will not f*** you.

RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD is one of the most dynamic, well-made horror films in history. The story is great, the acting & dialogue are absolutely incredible, the special effects are disgustingly realistic, the music rocks, and it is extremely well-directed & edited. I am blown away every time I see it. It manages to create a truly horrifying atmosphere, which is beautifully off-set by humor that actually works. I know people that are so scared of this movie that just hearing the audio from it makes them shudder in fear. It is very creepy, action-packed, and highly effective with an audience. In my opinion, it is the absolute best of the "Living Dead" movies. Never mind that George Romero didn't make it.

This having been said, I think it is a CRIME that this film has yet to be re-issued on DVD or even videotape! It's not like this is some obscure independent film. It is a true classic, adored by millions of horror fans worldwide. The video & laserdisc editions that were made have long since gone out of print, and the lack of a proper re-release only goes to further the idea that there is some type of conspiracy to keep this movie, for lack of a better term, BURIED. Somebody please get this movie to its fans, preferably in stereo.

This is one of the coolest movies ever! A direct parody of the hit film BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, it's everything that sorry sack wished it could've been. Definitely a more satisfying movie-watching experience, WENCH was shot on videotape and features B-movie actresses Julie K. Smith, Nikki Fritz, Julie Strain, Antonia Dorian and Lorissa McComas. Not only does this movie look and feel just like the original (there was no script or budget), but several of the scenes are duplicated exactly, from beginning to end. It's well-acted and believable, eye-poppingly sexy, and is truly funny. I give props to everyone who was in this, they were awesome. You will be astonished at what director Jim Wynorski achieved just using flashlights and silicone. People that think these ladies can't act will find themselves sorely mistaken, as their improvisational abilities are just as good as those of the original cast. For anyone who saw BLAIR WITCH PROJECT and felt somewhat let down, BARE WENCH will undoubtedly lift your spirits.

As a collector and fan of B-movies, I'd have to put this one high on my most-valued list. It's literally overflowing with genre talent, most notably as a collaboration between two of the finest modern B-movie directors: Jim Wynorski and Fred Olen Ray. Also, it's got a killer cast, featuring Michelle Bauer (HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS), Griffin Drew (BIKINI HOE DOWN), Richard Gabai (VIRGIN HIGH), Nikki Fritz (ATTACK OF THE 60-FOOT CENTERFOLD), and Antonia Dorian (BARE WENCH PROJECT). Sure, the jokes are cheesy. Sure, that "dinosaur" effect isn't quite Stan Winston quality. However, there's some things Hollywood can never duplicate, and that's the feel of a good B-movie with lots of scream queens. Here's hoping they never stop making movies like this.

If you enjoy the early films of John Waters, don't pass this one up! It's filled with the same kind of foul-mouthed trashy characters and bloody mayhem. Director Tommy Faircloth (CRINOLINE HEAD) shines amongst his low-budget horror filmmaking peers, and his strengths lie with his exceptional cast and their delivery of some truly great dialogue. The story itself is totally engaging, as it pokes fun at the dark side of teenage life. Cheerleaders and stoners are systematically offed by a pair of high school-age lovers, and the funniest part is the parents don't seem to care. This movie was a welcome change from the usual vampire/slasher/zombie stuff that's cluttering the independent horror world these days. This is no amateur-league stuff: there's alot of talent here.

A friend gave me a copy of this movie (titled FUGITIVE GIRLS) for free, thinking it was some worthless piece of garbage. I watched it, and slowly began to realize it was an unknown classic. Written by the infamous Ed Wood and directed by A.C. Stephens of ORGY OF THE DEAD fame, this tale of wrongful inprisonment and jailbreak is great viewing for exploitation fans. It's filled with cheesy dialogue, cartoonish performances (including an Ed Wood cameo as a cop), and sex. The characters are a treat as well: the "five loose women" the title refers to are an unforgettable bunch of hell-raising ladies. The butch, the nice girl, the redneck, the token black girl, and the meanie. In my favorite scene, the group happens upon a caravan of hippies in the middle of the desert. Let's just say that our favorite leading ladies find a convenient way to ditch their prison uniforms.

As most Ed Wood fans know, he made sex movies during his final days. It was the only way he could get work (he also wrote sex novels), which is truly sad. NECROMANIA is unlike TAKE IT OUT IN TRADE (another "lost" Wood sleazy) in that it actually resembles a completed feature. All that's missing from the videotape are the hardcore sex scenes that were originally in the movie. As with most movies of this type, I didn't catch the plot. Basically there's a couple who visit a weird old house for some kind of "sex therapy". They switch partners a couple times, and the sex scenes are pretty much a lot of licking and kissing (but nothing x-rated). I'm not certain what NECROMANIA has to do with the story, but a woman dances with a skull in one scene, and there's a part where they stuff a living man in a coffin. It never manages to be scary, funny, or sexy. It only serves as a document of the unfortunate last years of a mad genius's life.

One of Ed Wood's final productions, TAKE IT OUT IN TRADE is a sex film that consists of footage discovered by archivists and assembled to make some sort of sense. No audio track was found, so basically all you see are several outtakes and scenes from the movie, set to instrumental music. An ugly guy rolls around with some girls, there's a homosexual couple, and Ed Wood is seen playing the character of a woman. Several takes are shown from the scenes, and are repeated randomly throughout the video. There's nudity, but no actual sex. At the end of the tape is footage from another Ed Wood sex movie called LOVE FEAST, in which he plays a photographer that ends up with at least 10 or more women naked in his bed. Again, no sex, but it's funny how one girl after another shows up at his door and climbs in bed with the others. (LOVE FEAST showed up later on tape in a more complete version, but still without any real sex scenes.)

CARESS OF THE VAMPIRE is one of the most well-made low budget pictures ever. The production value is first-rate, and the acting and direction are wonderful. Also, the actresses are all very beautiful and really give life to roles that're usually played by emotionless victim types. The sequel to this, however, isn't as good. Overall, CARESS is scary, sexy, and very nicely done.

It was the first time I can ever recall being afraid of laughing so hard that I'd cause internal bleeding. SOUTH PARK: BIGGER LONGER AND UNCUT surpasses even the best episodes of the television show, and then some. Every frame was delightful, and that says a lot considering it's animated! Although I wouldn't recommend this one to my mom, this movie is one in which I've waited all my life to see. It's chock full of dirty words, images, and side-splitting comedy, all from the mouths of little cartoon kids. (Well, and Satan.) Keep it up, Trey and Matt!

This wasn't one of the best 80's toy-related cartoons, mainly because the toys weren't that good and the show was weird. From what I remember, a team of 3 guys had adventures in the earth's core fighting monsters. They had these huge armored suits that they had to put on in order to go there, of course. I think one guy's suit had big claws on it, another one had drills...things you'd need in order to get around in the core of the earth.

All the characters in the M.A.S.K. show had big ol' helmets they'd put on before they went into battle. Their cars, trucks, motorcycles, even their headquarters (a gas station!) would all become these cool fighting machines. The toys were just like the characters from the show. The figures were small (half the size of GI JOE) and had little helmets that covered their heads. Each came with its respective vehicle from the show, which would transform when you hit a hidden button or panel. Guns popped out and everything, it was cool stuff.

Another favorite from the early days of cable TV, "Today's Special" appeared on Nickelodeon as part of their daytime children's programming, along with such shows as "Pinwheel" , "Live Wire", and "Out Of Control". It took place in a large department store "after hours", and each episode had a theme. The main character was Jeff, a mannequin who came to life when his magic hat was placed atop his head. I seem to remember a female character that was human, plus a puppet "security guard" that looked like an old man. He was shown in the show's introduction locking up the store, because the action always took place when the store was closed. Jeff only came to life during this time, and if his hat was removed, he'd turn back into a mannequin.

This show was part of what I consider the "golden age" of the Nickelodeon cable channel, along with shows like "Live Wire", "You Can't Do That On Television", "Pinwheel", and "Turkey TV". Dave Coulier (known as "Joey" on the unfunny sitcom "Full House") was the host, as well as the voice of Ha-Ha, the comedy computer that spat out jokes on little ribbons of paper. The show had animation, as well as several very entertaining segments like "It's Probably True", in which Dave would visit strange places or people in various parts of the country.

I remembered the whole opening narration to the He-Man cartoon show. I'm pretty sure this is how it goes: "I am Adam, prince of Eternia, defender of the secrets of Castle Grayskull. This is Cringer, my fearless friend. Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic sword and said, BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL! I HAVE THE POWER! Cringer became the mighty Battle-Cat, and I became He-Man, the most powerful man in the universe! Together, we defend Castle Grayskull from the evil forces of Skeletor!"

Although not released until 1983, this movie was made in 1979, marking Doris Wishman's last known feature. It has all the sex (and features Samantha Fox) that her movies normally have, but it's also surprisingly chock full of gore. Heads and fingers are cut off, intestines are ripped out, and so forth.

For all the controversy, this movie is actually very slow and "talky". The random freaky scenes are the only things that keep it from being a boring picture. They include a banquet where the main course is faeces, urine drinking, and rape. However, that's hardly enough to make it disturbing since the movie is basically all dialogue scenes where the characters tell weird stories. I expected worse from such a legendary film.