Stevej-4

This film manages to skirt the edges of boredom for its entire length without actually falling in. It's about 80% watchable, 10% teeth-grating PC platitudes and 10% mildly interesting. The interesting: Jeremy Irons is a delight to watch. I hope he didn't break his teeth on the scenery. The carpet trap is good, and the fate of the odious comic relief is certainly a relief. The feel of the film somehow manages an undefinable sense of the game. I'm not sure how, but it does. Perhaps a badly-played game with a very poor DM, but the game nevertheless. The Teeth-gritting: Elves spouting envirospeak about dragons being precious things; An Empress who rules by the power of a rod of dragon control declares everyone equal,as if that was some sort of legal definition. I can only assume she means "Equal under my absolute rule." Some of the more obviously stolen scenes, and there are many, from George Lucas films. The Primary Villain's Henchmen's makeup choices. The rest of the movie is an assemblage of scenes edited together, often in senseless ways, which one just watches with no particular feeling except to note inconsistencies. Gamers will note that these characters are pretty low-level and obviously useless, and there's no way they could roll well enough to make it through this game alive. The acting, with a few exceptions, is merely adequate, but the characters portrayed are so stereotypical that it's difficult to see how they could have been better. The special effects are of the quality of a modern video game, and are poorly used. There's very little magic in evidence in the script, so we don't get to see cool spells. The dragons, well...they have the interest of the droid soldiers from Phantom Menace and less personality. They're just monsters, not characters, so the relative quality of their animation is rather moot. They really don't add anything. You don't care if one dies, and there are far too many in evidence to focus on any one. So, sorry--while this film is watchable, I can't see any reason to see it in theatres. Rent the video when it comes off the new release section.

I rate it a 5.

This has got to have been a college film project that someone foolishly released--but thank god for it. Extremely gory in the "special unrated version" that I own (Did they really release 2 versions?), it manages to pull off the gore with unbelievable cheesiness--especially the heart-ripping scene. Nudity that moves from the gratuitous to the pointless, but surprisingly modest zombies--look for the zombie that refastened her top after being killed. The most horrific crime of this production, however, is the bald-faced lifting of the entire "zombie hunt" sequence from "Night of the Living Dead". But that's only one of many. There should be a movie crimes commission in The Hague for this thing. Only the true bad movie fan with a stomach of steel should attempt this one.

I always enjoy laughing at the work of former porn stars trying to be "legitimate" actresses. Traci has, happily, given that up and now concentrates on being a hack. But this little gem is truly amusing in it's awfulness. Traci's facial expression throughout this film is indecipherable and unchanging and absolutely lifeless. Perhaps she thought the title referred to her emotional range. But the plot is where the real fun is. What character development! Classic gunfighting scenes with patented Nev-R-Empty magazines! The bad guys couldn't hit the Titanic. The good guys (who've never fired a guy before)can hit a two-inch target on a moving car. My favorite scene involves Traci acquiring an arsenal to pursue her vengeance. The weapons so lovingly spotlighted never appear again in the film. And, of course, the pivotal plot point depends on the concept that pretty much anybody knows how to fly a helicopter. And, since Traci was being a "legitimate" actress, there's not even a hint of skin to brighten the picture. Good lord, this is awful. MST3K needs to add this to its list.