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Before watching this film, flip a coin to choose who you want to win. It doesn't matter, really, as almost all characters are interchangeable, and there seems to be no difference between light and dark, well that is beyond the bright yellow utility truck.

The story here is still a mash, and the direction allows "whatever" to intersect with "yeah sure" so often that it's not only trick shots that leaves the viewer confused as to which way is up.

Now, taking into consideration the language barrier, one only has to remember that a visual medium can tell a story without words. Even dubbed, the story was confused, and the flow chunky.

Certainly the universe that is hinted at here is one that many viewers want to see more of, but the characters inhabiting this land are generic and nearly forgettable.

I give this film 3 out of 10 stars, and hope that the producers manage to make a coherent story for the next two.

After watching this beautifully filmed piece of drivel, I looked up "bird" on the wikipedia. In 5 minutes I learned far more about penguins than this false-documentary explains.

Please, this is the FOX News of documentaries. It has been edited to specifically draw you across a story, a story which is often made up by the editor, leaving facts behind. There is little knowledge passed, little facts discussed, but there are many tightly edited scenes with Morgan Freeman telling us what we should believe is happening. Disagree? Watch again and notice that when a female penguin slows at a crack in the ice, there is a close-up of her face, a quick edit to a seal attack, then back to her face. This edit means nothing. Nothing. But as a gimmick, it leads us to believe that she is pausing because she is afraid of being killed. Possibly she is. Who asked her though? Where is the scene where the crew asks the penguin if she is afraid? It isn't there for obvious reasons, but this lack of depth certainly won't stop the editors and Morgan Freeman from persuading us otherwise.

The film is so glurgy and sweet that it can't even use the word death. Pengiuns don't freeze to death, they fall asleep forever. Chicks don't die, they are lost.

This is now my favorite film to hold in contempt against the front of idiots.

This is the art of the graphic novel put to film. There is nothing more that can or ever should be said about this movie. This movie must be watched.

Unlike this film that strips the graphic novel to the barest of components and transports us into a new world of what is left, IMDb requires more text than should be spent on a review. With this in mind, I must repeat:

"This movie must be watched."

"This movie must be watched."

"This movie must be watched."

"This movie must be watched."

Regardless of the rabid fans of MST3K (myself included), attack of The Giant Leeches isn't the horrid film they make it out to be. Certainly it is low budget, but trying to shine through the lackluster production is a film that has some good writing, few plot holes, and exhibits an actual knowledge of the subject (swamps, critters, rednecks who are a danger to themselves and others...).

As far as Corman flicks go, this one has a good feel to it. Some drama, tragedy, comedy (well, some that was intentional), and an attempt at a real story. The screenwriter, Leo Gordon, has created a good feel for the south, and is an accomplished (although not great) practitioner of his trade. So, laughs aside, watch this movie again and focus on the plot when you can. There is no hocus pocus, minimal pseudo-science, and some likable characters.

Oh yeah, and please don't be a danger to yourself or others...

As a man who LOVES the inept film Children of the Living Dead, I was stunned by just how horrid this 'film' is. This videotape can only possibly be enjoyed by the cast of retarded amateurs whose names populate the credits.

Nothing Troma has done has EVER been this worthless. Never purchase, rent, or even download this videotape.

I must fill out a few more lines to submit this, and with the videotape still in mind I now submit these lines:

nose breathing is not funny.

not editing out the director's voice is not funny.

whacky hair is not funny.

everything in this videotape that people spent time on is not funny

I went. I saw. I whimpered.

Obviously, the producers felt that the concept of two slasher villains duking it out would be cool enough to get cash without needing to worry about little things like a coherent plot, common sense, or believable characters. And, to a lesser degree, they are correct -- the _concept_ is great. The movie itself, though, sucks blue whales through a hypodermic needle.

I haven't seen a Freddy movie in a long time (as they immediately ceased to be even slightly spooky), but I did see Jason X. Jason X was WAAAAAY better than this (not saying much). This dump featured: bad story, bad lines, bad extras, bad pacing, bad special effects (yes, the special effects and gore were for crap), senseless actions to further the plot, a cast of 25 year old high schoolers with breast implants (serious, the movie is _filled_ with gravity defiant sweaters), a Jason Mewes wannabe, a laughably inept prologue, terrible backstory filling, rotten cinematography... oh, I could just go on and on and on...

But was it fun? A little. But I hope the film tanks and sinks. It deserves no cash as it is nothing but a poor retread of 'Scream' and insults every horror/slasher fan alive. Plus Coke obviously shelled out a bunch of cash to be in the film, so why bother giving New Line _our_ money when they have good old Coka-Cola cash to fall back on?

I also noticed a disturbing new trend: movies that have a rave scene. This has a rave scene. At least there's a nice payoff when someone bad pays the rave a visit ;)

I generally can't stand big budget Hollywood films, but I thoroughly enjoyed The Core. It's an 85 million dollar Roger Corman flick. Bad acting, unbelievable premise, Hollywood computer hacker-type guy, generic kinda-bad military guys...everyone knew it was a bad film when they shot it and everyone played it nudge-nudge wink-wink. Because of that I ended up laughing more and gasping in mock shock more than at any other movie I've seen lately (barring the Rings). A great example of this humor is during a super-storm in Rome as lightning is destroying the city. Someone along the line of producing this movie gave the thumbs up to have a lightning bolt POV shot, and we end up following a bolt of lightning from the sky into the Coliseum! Absolutely worthless and unoriginal, and the audience let out a big guffaw with the scene, but not really at the scene.

I'll give it credit for another thing: Hillary Swank's character had a reason to be there, and it wasn't that she was a woman. There was no 'we were once lovers' and no 'but now I need a man to save the day'. She plays a navigator and any male actor could have played that role without changing a thing but her name. That's something you seldom see.

Combine Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Andy Warhol, the most frenetic music video you've ever seen, and a bucket of generic 'spooky things' and you have House of 1000 Corpses.

I have been waiting for years to see this. Press releases from Lions Gate and Universal stating that they would not release it because they feared it would get an NC-17 rating only heightened my desire.

Man, do I feel like a tool now that I've seen it.

There was even a release about how one of the people involved refused to work with the film because it was too intense. This film was canned not because it was too gory. It is not funny. It is not sinister. It is unwatchable. It is not good.

Let's look at what kept this film from being released, shall we:

1 - 'Not Gory': Maybe it was gory at one time, but even after editing, nothing in this film could even remotely disturb anyone who has watched Blade 2, or unfortunately stumbled across the Guinea Pig series.

2 - 'Not funny': The movie tries to develop schlock by constantly winking at the audience while delivering horror and violence. It doesn't work. The result is far too 'oooh look! I'm funny and horrible' for anyone to be moved by it. It evokes less fear than a 15 year old suburban kid with a mohawk and $200 leather jacket.

3 - 'Not evil': Clowns are scary. People with cheap masks behaving erratically are scary. These statements we hold true, but neither are sinister. This movie needs sinister, yet nothing in it is. Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3 was sinister and deeply disturbing. What we get here is 'Boo! I'm a clown kinda thing, and I'm scary, emhwaaahh...nice lady...' (Ridiculous Jerry Lewis voice implied)

4 - 'Unwatchable': It is filmed like a contemporary music video, but unlike those who excel at quick cuts, this editing is just jumpy and headache inducing. But then again, nothing is unsettling and sinister as constant jump cuts, right? Wrong. (Rob Z.: Watch Windowlicker to see how disturbing a video can be without hyperactive edits.)

Lions Gate should have released this uncut immediately to video and hyped the underground stature of it -- then they would've made some cash. But by distributing it to theatres, they are going to take a beating, because this is just a bad movie.

An average episode of Mr. Show began with one idea and, by the end, returned full circle to that original idea. Run Ronnie Run follows that cycle. Ronnie Dobbs was first introduced in the first Mr. Show episode, and now years after the show was cancelled, we return to Ronnie in his very own movie to close the circle.

The movie, as an inside joke filled with many inside jokes that only fans of the show will get, is a disappointment. Many situations can only be fully appreciated if you have seen the series from HBO. Those who haven't will find themselves wondering why so many jokes fell flat. For those who have seen the full series, we find ourselves wondering, once again, why so many jokes fell flat.

The movie, a loose plot based on one portion of the first Mr. Show episode, anchors a handful of poor skits that just don't have the wit or anti-establishment humor that the series showcased.

At three times the length and only half the jokes of a Mr. Show episode, it makes sense that Run Ronnie Run has been sitting so long waiting for someone to take a chance on distributing it.

Created by essentially the same creative talent as the Evil Dead, Intruder presents much of the expected cinematography and gore, but outright fails on plot, scares, and music.

Dialog is excellent in the beginning, but quickly falls apart, along with any real motivation.

The film feels like it was directed by three distinct people, with the first part solid, the middle dull, and the end stylish.

A must if you want to see the Sam Raimi crew test their multitude of unpolished styles against a real audience.

**NO SPOILERS**

Taking a cue from the sunlight-drenched pseudo-horror start of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Jeepers Creepers presents what could be a great, club-blunt horror film. Instead it turns out to be the poor, formulaic adventure of two late teens faced with the challenge of surviving their own decisions and each other's half-witted lines.

The mish-mash of ridiculously recycled dialog, recycled action, and inhumanly obtuse motivations easily override what, at the offset, could definitely have been the first 21st century Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Now many people seem to find the plot and dialog fresh and invigorating, but then again a recent local survey had Perkins voted as one of the best restaurants in town. Take it as you will.

All in all an average film that could have been refreshingly creepy if it had the teenager's motivations and dialog reviewed by a handful of true horror fans before filming started. You have to hope that this is Victor's last favor he's gathered by not naming names before going to jail -- harsh, but how else could such a poor director get such bad movies made and distributed?

John Carpenter makes a movie that plays homage to his previous movies. In this scenario all the bad acting, bad script, and bad sets in the world won't matter. We fans appreciate this and watch carefully for the next insider moment. There are some nice settings that make one think of Hellraiser and raise the nervous energy a bit, a very quick moment of Evil Dead 2, a huge helping of The Thing, visual references to The Fog and Prince of Darkness, nods to Halloween, and a touch of Escape from New York.

Unfortunately this is only the first half of the movie.

The second half turns into a mess of a flick, where pawns who can't see more than one move ahead in this game make poor decisions and act on Hollywood-esque whims (mouth-mashing with people you hate, wearing skimpy clothes, acting like a moron because of drugs, breaking into groups, deriding the advice of others, unexplainable actions to further the plot...) The end is capped with a "good God, don't do it...don't do it...awww, you did it" exchange of scenes and dialog.

At least the music, as always, has kept up with the times. Some excellent mixes of electronic and metal...although it makes me wonder how many hours the music director spent playing Quake2 before working on this film.

Nutshell: If you are a John Carpenter fan, watch the first 50 minutes, then go do something else, like clean the rim of your toilet. Otherwise you will likely wonder how something so campily set-up could degrade so quickly into a film where one-liners are queen, horrid explosions where the victims makes running motions as they fly through the air is king, and no previous content is used, referenced, or explained.

Well, maybe catch the last two minutes. What happens is a prime example of the worst script writing in years!

Prime example of a book being squashed into a visual audience's attention span. Fair movie, but skip it and read the book. Carl Sagan's Contact is far and away one of the best modern-day science fiction tales skillfully written, but all of the gentle moments of character revelation are crammed into sound bytes to fit under 3 hours for Zemeckis's version. Plus you lose Carl Sagan's original description of a semi-solidly formed global society where past sins are forgiven, as gender- and nation-based dissimilarities can be overlooked as the earth moves on.

Worst movie I have ever seen, and I own a copy of Shakes the Clown. It hurt me. Please don't let it hurt you. People act by yelling, the title means nothing, you'll figure out the plot within the first 20 minutes. I wish I had more to say, but any more words would be a waste of my effort.