veejayp

But probably for all the wrong reasons!

Set in a storybook version of England, this episode of Murder, She Wrote has Jessica Fletcher's British cousin (played by Angela Lansbury) contacted by an old flame and invited to spend a weekend with him and his unlikeable family. When a murder occurs, Cousin Emma leaps into sleuthing mode to help Inspector Frost aka Tony Newley.

Some good actors enjoying themselves here, particularly Carolyn Seymour chewing the scenery while spitting out, "I'm the wife of the 19th Viscount". Her in-laws are either too shocked or too well mannered to make the obvious reply, "That's right, dear, have a nice cup of tea".

John Standing is her husband - the 19th Viscount himself - giving his accustomed stiff upper-lipped aristocrat. Then there's Jane Leeves, Frasier's Daphne, with a Cockney accent almost as excruciating as her Frasier brother's (Anthony LaPaglia) As ever, for me the biggest mystery is why everyone is always over dressed. All the women are immaculate in pale linen suits with pastel silk shirts, tasteful matching jewellery and perfectly coiffed hair. Sure, for a luncheon engagement or dinner party but for a relaxed weekend with friends or pottering round the garden? Even discovering the murdered corpse of a beloved relative in the wee small hours seems to require the application of full make-up and carefully styled hair. Makes me laugh every time.

Amusing, undemanding pleasant fare for a cold grey afternoon.

That it's shot in darkness and extremely difficult to see what's happening!

Yes, lights go out when the power is cut but viewers still need some residual light to follow our heroine as she explores the cellars and grounds of Murder Manor.

The premise is fun: a murder mystery weekend turns into a real murder mystery when one of the residents is found dead in suspicious circumstances. The mansion house hotel looks authentic, the costumes glamorous (what I could make out in the gloom!) and the cast are engaging.

Christie Leverette is the heroine who carries the movie and does it well.

The two young male leads were of similar height and build; their haircuts were similar and both wore white shirts. Not sure whether this was an intentional plot twist or not. In a couple of scenes set in daylight, I got them mixed up so once the lights went out there was no chance 😊

I'd like to have seen more of the supporting cast whose comic potential as guests were underused.

Passed a cold wet afternoon quite pleasantly.

I stuck with this film (UK title My Husband's Secret Past) for about 45 minutes - including ad breaks for goodness sake! 😂 before giving up.

Pretty blond woman meets/is picked up by handsome stranger in a bar. He's a doctor with a very smooth chat-up line which, in films like this, instantly arouses suspicion in everyone. Except our heroine of course.

They've not been married a year when a mysterious phone call from a strange woman causes Kat to wonder about her husband.

Standard afternoon movie fare but for me the biggest mystery is why, when Mr & Mrs Newlywed move to their new house in a town they and their neighbours all refer to as "just over" (how far would that be, 10, 20 miles maybe?) it's as if they have arrived from Mars?

Does nobody travel to the next town to work or shop, to visit relatives or the theatre?

We then discover Kat actually grew up in this enclave, leaving after the high school prom where Something happened. (Heavy hints are dropped that the incident was traumatic for her - a broken heart? Or maybe a broken fingernail? Suspect her reaction would be the same either way) Why then, other than to stretch the plot beyond credibility, would she move back to the town? And moreover, become the mayor??

Plot holes can be forgiven if the characters and scenery are attractive but not so here.

The husband is so obviously a wrong 'un, he practically twirls his moustache while shouting "Ha Ha".

Man-eating neighbour Vivien welcomes the newcomers but instead of bringing cookies, squeaks like a mouse (Actor's usual tones or as directed? Trigger warning would help Also earplugs) and makes the most obvious pass at the dodgy doc. Stops short of dropping her drawers on the doorstep but you get my drift.

I couldn't stick with this movie but what I did see made me chuckle so there's that.

Wanting a quiet Christmas with her parents after a romantic breakup, Lacey Chabert's Emily is dragooned into the neighbourhood Christmas madness. (Bit like Christmas With the Kranks)

You'd think she'd know what to expect as her parents have been leading members of the local Residents' Association for decades - but no. Being a sweet well-mannered girl, she meekly agrees to whatever the dingbat neighbours want. Nor does she object when mum & dad waltz off to Florida.

(I reckon it would be worth being written out of the will for the exquisite pleasure of telling them what's on her mind but Emily's nicer than I am) Of course, had she told them all to bog off and booked herself into a luxury spa, it would be more realistic but a much shorter film!

There are some very funny one-liners and cameos here. Neighbours fanatical about the size and positioning of light-up reindeer, desperate to win the cookie competition or who builds the biggest snowman are exaggerated - but maybe not all that much...

It's pelting with rain here, the news locally and worldwide is ghastly so I'm tucked up on the sofa with a sweetly pretty Christmas film.

Hmm.

The characters are standard stock stereotypes. It's also hard to believe in the 2 romantic leads as they have very little chemistry.

Everyone is good looking of course and always beautifully turned out. I'm no expert but does everyone running a tree farm and dude ranch show up for work each day with immaculate hair, nails and makeup?

Who's mucking out and grooming the horses?

We see Mum and daughters boiling and bottling maple syrup for the farm gift shop. Nobody wears overalls, how on earth do they stay un-sticky?

As for our handsome hero, after complaining about his wealthy father, he finally 'finds himself', wins the girl and - which seems more important to him - is awarded a cowboy hat.

Fair enough, we don't have this tradition on this side of the pond so I'm not best placed to appreciate the symbolism but what a pity the wardrobe department couldn't find a hat the right size? Mate, you look ridiculous.

Passed the time and cheered me up so theres a plus.

OK, we don't expect afternoon movies to be good and this one didn't disappoint.

Stopping at a dilapidated petrol station in the middle of nowhere is never a good idea in this type of film, particularly when it's staffed by creepy guys straight from Zombie Central Casting.

Have the almost identical mother & daughter (apparently the actors are only a few years apart in age) not watched the right films?

The mother's behaviour over her daughter's unexplained disappearance is strange: waking up in hospital, "Where's my daughter?" Is not the first but the last question she asks before roaming empty corridors opening random doors.

(Stranger still that she's not asked for her credit card or health insurance to settle the bill before wandering off)

Local sheriff instantly dismisses everything she says, totally uninterested in her story.

In fairness, as the townsfolk all seem to be barking mad, maybe a stranger in town reporting a mysterious vanishing daughter is just one more item to be crossed off his to-do list.

Don't waste your time on this one.

If this period of history and the women portrayed are unfamiliar to you then maybe use this as a starting point for further reading.

However as a historical film it falls so short, it's laughable.

Hairstyles completely wrong - possibly based on American styles of the period but not seen at this time in Britain.

Blackouts, rationing, drab clothes and surroundings? Few people could run cars and when they did, not with full headlights.

Having heard of these women I hoped to enjoy a film showing their courage and determination but this wasn't it.

Had to give up after 20 minutes after running out of ammunition to throw at the TV.

The only part of this silly film that has any merit is its reflection of the desperate shallow obsession with social media popularity.

"I just lost a million followers!" Only possible reply, "Where did you last have them?"

Star gymnast bullied by her pushy parent finds appalling parent dead in suspicious circumstances then finds herself the main suspect. Standard stuff.

It was pretty obvious (to me anyway) that certain people around our girl were not to be trusted.

It was also very clear that meeting suspicious people alone in dangerous locations - the edge of a cliff! - would not end well. It never does in these films.

Apparently based on real events, a young woman discovers after her mother's murder that they were both living under Witness Protection.

Determined to discover who her mother really was, Elena ignores every piece of advice from her assigned protection officer and places herself in danger every five minutes.

It never occurs to her that her strong likeness to her mother might arouse suspicion in mother's home town and old associates - because of course nobody has moved away in the intervening 21 years.

"I know I shouldn't have confronted the man I think murdered my mother but I let my emotions get the better of me" sobs our hapless heroine after another near-death encounter. You'd think her protection officer would roll his eyes by this time but no, he smiles sweetly and tells her not to worry.

More detail about the original crime which sent Elena and her mother into Witness Protection might have given this story more weight (I know, bit of a stretch!) It would also have widened the focus from Elena to the other characters so she didn't have to carry the whole plot.

Pelting with rain today so this film passed the time.

Switched this on to while away a wet afternoon.

Managed about 30 minutes then gave up.

Amateurish script which even skilled actors would have difficulty putting across. Feel sorry for the cast.

I realise it's a stretch to hope for some sense or logic (and maybe it depends which side of the Atlantic you are) but when shady guys march into an internet cafe to grab the customers' devices, hardly anyone protests. Not even "Oi! Do you mind!"

All the IT whizz kids rattle away at their keyboards with no effect whatsoever on their screens. Cannot believe they never mistype or have commands rejected.

Although Our Heroine knows she's being hunted, instead of hiding somewhere anonymous, she goes home! Then stands very still by a huge balcony window offering her enemies a perfect clear shot. I suspect even her pet parrot thinks she's nuts.

Time for a cuppa tea.

Emily escapes from a bad relationship, returns to her home town.

Standard fare, expect there's a handsome firefighter/single dad somewhere?

Usefully, a friend lends her a house in exchange for looking after friend's antique shop. We see her proving her fitness for this job by attacking a table with harsh sandpaper.

First customer in the friend's shop buys a desk for his nine-year-old daughter - without asking the price - and invites Emily to dinner.

Customer's small daughter is, she and her daddy tell us, an expert on Jane Austen and has read all her books. Plot really going off-piste here.

Apparently Emily has a long lost twin sister who may be a wrong 'un.

The good townsfolk don't actually hold up garlic or make signs warding off the evil eye but they come close.

Sinister sister looks sort-of-like Emily. OK I was half asleep but camera angles, wigs, dark glasses meant I was genuinely unsure the same actress played both roles. (Closing credits say she did) Anyway, BadSis spends all her time taking calls from equally sinister chap making threats. A guy called Trevor - or possibly Blake - is dead. Or not. And who is he anyway? I'd lost track by this point.

No idea why BadSis is committing her crimes. She just stomps about trying to murder people. Sweetie, learn to knit, bake cupcakes, you'd have more fun and so would we.

I left the film running but only because the TV remote was out of reach and I couldn't be @rsed to get off the sofa.

Seriously, don't bother. You'll be better amused rearranging your sock drawer or weighing the cat.