cbgiant

A series of mangled and scratched cellulose strands spliced together gives this movie little sense from start to finish. Filled with random bits of nothingness, it goes no where - slower than your desire to see the film end. It doesn't "Go Go" away fast enough for a lobotomized sloth.

It makes no attempt at a plot, character development, or reason. The dialog is a muffled, harmonic mess, and the cinematography is non-existent. Characters appear and disappear in the storyline(s) for no cause or effect.

The MST3K version has a few laughs, but still with no chance to save this snoozer. Entertainment is never reached on any level, even through attempts to rip it comically.

First off, people need to stop comparing this to Resident Evil. Resident Evil is about monsters and explosions. Silent Hill is about psychology, deep depiction of characters, the metaphysical, spirituality, and mystery.

With such drastic differences, Silent Hill had massive to potential exceed any or all video game crossover films. This formula of conceptual delivery is mixed in with ambiance, surrealism, and monsters that derive from the characters own minds. It's not just random happenings of gore, at least in the game(s).

This film fails because of its overblown plot, inherently poor melodramatic acting, and dialog that seemed unintentionally comical. Some of the people sitting next to me in the theater giggled at a few of the lines. And those who seem to be bored with everything, were either confused or not interested in thinking at all.

Most people just want mindless action derived from nothing, while they choke on popcorn and suck down sugar water. I am quite disappointed for the SH franchise.

If there will be a sequel, I would hope the filmmaker chooses a wiser approach:

SIMPLIFICATION. PLOT ACCESSIBILTY.

Look!...Running down your leg....It's brown!....It's a bird!....It's a plane!....No it's 2Fast 2Furious!!!. Spewing soon, into a pair of underpants near you!!.

Yes, this is true Hollywood butt grease exploding from the American cinema fudge crack.

The ugly wings. The flimsy fenders. That annoying exhaust note. The over-sized mufflers. The over-sized egos. These pint-sized cars sound like a retard trying to sing an opera. What am I speaking of? Why the stupid, little, dinky, compact, 4 cylinder cars glorified in this movie of course! This is another excuse to capitalize on the trend of telling people whats cool - stupid characters, no plot (it is important), laughable urban dialog, and mindless action. The only skid marks left by this movie are brown.

It is all a matter of taste. But, am I the only one who finds these stupid little 4 cylinder cars to be obnoxious? They look like they came out of a cheesy Gamera film. And they sound like a retard trying to sing an opera. A God-awful buzzing noise. I frankly don't care how fast they are, or how much boost they run. If you have 10,000 dollars laying around, you can make almost any vehicle do anything you want. This film just glorifies what I can't stand - white guys, and other non-blacks, trying to act tough and hard with their gay, little, girlie cars.This trendy feckfest, and the two movies that followed, loves make the dumbest comparisons. A 4 cylinder car running nitrous and/or turbo should not be compared to a single cam, pushrod V8 with normal aspiration. Most horsepower figures should not be trusted either. How were the dyno sensors calibrated? How was the engine treated at the time of testing? If you want an example of V8 turbo, look at the Sledgehammer Vette'.Around 900 horses and 254.76 mph. Kiss my a*s NOPI! Or is it N-O-P-E-N-I-S?

I would have given another star for the film's cinematography and attempted special effects. Those are the peaks. Now for the valleys,which are deep. The film just hacked me off too much to give it another star. Why? Just about everything else was too stupid, cliché, unrealistic, trendy and meaningless. After watching the first 15 minutes of this "turd with handlebars", I wanted punch every character in the face. I can't imagine real people acting so arrogant and pretentious and living to tell the tale. And as usual, Ice Cube puts on his patented "constant anger" face. And the comical one-liners put The Fast And The Furious to shame. Is this acting, or just another means to a Hollywood paycheck? Probably the latter. If this film is meant to parody the genre, then the parody part must have been used for toilet paper. If it is to be taken seriously, then it should be flushed down the toilet the producers sat on when they thought this one up. MTV would be proud of this attempt to further spread mindless, hypnotizing pop culture to the masses. Jaime Pressley is a hot one in her kinky attire, but I'd still rather sniff dog turds than sit through this crap. Terrible.

This pile of diseased, hairy, rat crap should never be compared to Kung Pow. Kung Pow, at least had some originality with its delivery. Reminiscent of MST3K, the characters of Kung Pow make fun of themselves with snappy remarks - the film (Tiger and Crane Fist) ends up acknowledging itself as being awful. Quite creative compared to Kung Phooey, which is only awful. Empty of plot or sub-plots (plot can have an affect despite that some people discard its importance), the acting was sub-par, and attempted jokes fell flat on their already flattened faces. Just Simply Not Funny. Kung Phooey might as well be less than diseased, hairy, rat crap - its offensive to it. Humor is a matter of taste, but is this movie really worth it? Do yourself a favor - save your time, money, and sanity by not seeing this barfed up excuse for a movie.