niallmurphy-30051

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Reviews

Liàn liàn fengchén
(1986)

Dust in the broken wind.
Dust In The Wind is a 1986 Taiwanese art house drama about two adolescents who decide that they do not want to stay in their home village in order to go to junior high school and instead they make the decision to get a train to Taipei in order to look for work.

And that is basically what the film is about.

For an hour and fifty two minutes the viewer is treated to scene after scene of boring and pointless dialogue and different characters lighting up and smoking a cigarette.

The only reason I can recommend watching this film is if you are suffering from a lack of sleep as this boring film will have you drifting off to the land of nod in no time.

Second Spring
(2018)

"This Is boring"...
...is a line which is said by the main character Kathy during a scene early on in the film. And "This is Boring" is exactly how I would describe this film. Second Spring is a British drama film made in 2018 and is about a university lecturer called Kathy who is diagnosed with a brain condition which affects the part of the brain which is responsible for a person's empathy and affects a person's ability to plan or make decisions. Even after her diagnosis it's impossible to feel any empathy for Kathy as her character is so unpleasant. The film is very poorly directed as most of the time the cast are mostly just staring into space waiting for the director to tell them what to do. The film drags due to a sluggish script and the score sounds like a mixture of somebody breaking wind into a trumpet and then hitting the keys of a xylophone with a hammer. I will end this review by saying that if you have an hour and 18 minutes to spare you would be better off staring at the ceiling instead of watching this rubbish!

The Simpsons: Habeas Tortoise
(2022)
Episode 1, Season 34

Awful.
I would like to start off this review by saying that I have seen so many terrible episodes of The Simpsons over the past twenty or so years but this episode was easily the worst one yet. Instead of taking some time to create an episode that might actually be funny the makers of The Simpsons just created an extremely unfunny 20 minute episode poking fun at conspiracy theorists and paying lip service to Tiktok. If this is the best that they can do then I think that it would be in everyone's best interest to just cancel The Simpsons. This show has been terrible over the past 20 years but this episode was the worst one of all.

Hyeol-eui-noo
(2005)

Animal lovers beware!
If you are an animal lover and you are thinking of watching this film I would advise you to avoid watching this film at all cost as there is a scene a bit past the halfway point of the film where some real chickens are beheaded while the poor things are still alive!

Now that warning is out of the way I would like to say that the film itself is an extremely boring film with a very weak storyline, appalling acting and terrible direction.

How this massive waste of one hundred and fifty nine minutes ever got made is more of a mystery then the film itself.

Do not waste your time watching this rubbish film!

La noche de los mil gatos
(1972)

The poor Pigeon.
If you are an animal lover and you are thinking of watching The Night Of A Thousand Cats then I would advise you to stay away from this film at all cost as there is a scene in the film where a pigeon which appears to be real is shot dead with a shotgun!

Apart from that, the film is a complete snore fest.

It's basically One Hour and Twenty Minutes of a rich man flying around in a helicopter looking for women to lure women back to his country mansion so he can strangle them to death, behead them, put their severed heads in a glass jar and feed the rest of their bodies to his cats.

Even if it wasn't for the animal cruelty I would advise not to watch the film as it is pointless from start to finish.

The Beach Bum
(2019)

Pointless film.
Before I start reviewing this film that I would like to say that I thought the scene with the parrot trapped in that tiny cage was disgraceful, cruel and completely unnecessary.

Now that that is out of the way I would like to say that I can see why Gary Oldman turned down acting in this film. Matthew McConaughey (and all of the other cast members) must have been blackmailed into starring in this film or they were really desperate for money. The film really has no story. It's basically Matthew McConaughey going around high or drunk and insulting and annoying people for 90 minutes. You would be better off watching paint dry for 90 minutes than watching this unfunny alleged comedy.

I Am the Ripper
(2004)

Contains some flashing images.
The acting is terrible, the CGI and special effects are some of the worst I've ever seen in a film and the script is a total mess from start to finish. Overall the film is a disappointment.

Christian
(2022)

Awful.
The series was a dragged out boring mess from start to finish. Even though it only went on for 6 episodes it felt like it was on for 60 episodes. It's easily the worst thing that Sky Italia have made so far. Don't waste your time watching this rubbish.

Shoping-tur
(2012)

Don't swear!
For a film that is supposed to be a horror comedy the film is neither scary or funny. Most of the film is centred around the teenage son being obnoxious and his mother scolding him and telling him not to swear. A total waste of 70 minutes.

The Legend of Bruce Lee
(2009)

The Legend of Bruce Lee.
The acting is atrocious, the script is repetitive and some of the fight scenes are so ridiculous that it becomes hard to take them seriously.

The only reason to watch this film is to see all of the continuity errors (and believe me there is a lot of them).

Kærlighed på film
(2007)

A total mess!
I really wanted to see this film because Nikolaj Lie Kaas is in it but unfortunately he is barely in it. The only good thing about this film is the acting. The script is so ridiculous that at times it borders on spoof. The film was a massive disappointment.

Torremolinos 73
(2003)

Torremolinos 73.
None of the humour is funny and the ending is misandric.

Seemingly the only reason for this films existence is for Candela Peña to show off her breasts.

Deddo sushi
(2012)

Dead Sushi.
While not as gruesome as the directors previous film The Machine Girl, Dead Sushi still manages to have a lot of bloody violence on display as a lot of laughs due to its zany humour and cut price CGI.

Celle que vous croyez
(2019)

Who You Think I Am.
While this wasn't a bad film I can't help but shake off the feeling that if the genders of the characters were switched around the film wouldn't be described as a romantic drama but rather a creepy psychological thriller.

An American Vampire Story
(1997)

An American Vampire Story.
If you are interested in watching a vampire film that is surprisingly lacking in bloody violence then this cheesy but fun comedy horror will do the job.

Aknyeo
(2017)

Disgusting scene 12 minutes into the film.
There is a scene 12 minutes into the film where a chef plunges a knife into a live fish which causes it to flail around and blood sprays out of it. Apart from that the script is a mess and the action scenes are generic.

No Man's Land
(2001)

No Man's Land.
The acting in this film is pretty good but the script is pretty flat and none of the dark humour in the film is funny. It's not a terrible film but given all the hype this film received I expected better.

Nikita
(1990)

Underwhelming.
This is not a proper action film. Apart from a couple of brief shootouts the film is a slow paced drama with a little bit of romance thrown in to pad out the running time. Overall it is a disappointing film.

Gong woo lung foo dau
(1987)

Flaming Disappointment!
On the back of the dvd case this film is described as a blood soaked gangster thriller. In actual fact, the film is actually just a romantic melodrama with a couple of violent shootouts. A big disappointment.

Miss Bala
(2011)

Boring drama.
The film is sleep inducing boredom from start to finish. The acting is nothing to write home about either. I haven't seen the American remake but I hope it's better than this!

Scorpion
(2007)

The Scorpion review.
The script can be a bit melodramatic at times but the acting is good and the fight scenes are good. If you like martial arts films and you are a fan of Clovis Cornilliac, Karole Rocher, Caroline Proust or Olivier Marchal then this film is worth watching.

Carnival of Souls
(1962)

A stupid and unscary film.
The following review may contain spoilers: In other ghost stories a person will temporarily return from the dead as a ghost because they have unfinished business or to seek revenge. In Carnival of Souls it seems like the only reason Mary came back as a ghost was to move to another town, get a job as a church organist and be rude to every person she meets. A stupid and overrated mess of a film.

Carne de neón
(2010)

Awful film.
The script is a complete mess, none of the black humour is funny and the jokes and references to people having sex with dogs are disgusting and disturbing.

Eden Log
(2007)

Boring.
Even though the film is only on for an hour and 37 minutes it drags. The script is boring and the cinematography is irritating. Don't waste your time watching this awful film.

Évolution
(2015)

Disgusting animal cruelty.
Animal lovers beware: there is a scene in this film where a boy mutilates a starfish with a rock which animal lovers will find upsetting. Apart from that the film is boring, pretentious rubbish.

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