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This is a Star Wars show? Could've fooled me. It took me three weeks to binge watch this show because I kept falling asleep through every single episode. Every one. I kept having to back up to the last part I remembered in each episode and start from there, and then try to keep my eyes open and remain engaged with the story. What a chore!

Sure, the cast is great, the sets are decent, the costumes are almost good, and there are droids and even a few aliens...but this is supposed to be Star Wars, and it just wasn't. It took every ounce of fanboy love that I have for Star Wars to sit through every moment of this drudgery as I hoped that all the positive comments other people had for it would prove to be true. Guess what? As far as I'm concerned, I got trolled by a bunch of people who want Star Wars to be more artsy and intellectual, and who want Star Wars to stop being the popcorn-binging fairy-tale-in-space that George Lucas meant it to be for his kids.

I saw this movie with my nephew, my wife, and our daughter. My nephew is a newbie to the MCU and, while he had a lot of questions, he really enjoyed the film. My wife and our daughter are MCU fans (our daughter so much more so than my wife) and they really loved this movie. My wife is also a fan of the horror genre so it added to her delight. As for me, I have been collecting Marvel comics since I was 10 years old. This movie was the comics-to-film equivalent of an acid trip down memory lane. I can't wait to see it again!

Wow! There's just so many positives to this show. The cast is perfect for the roles they've been given, the villains are intriguing, and the special effects are a hell of a lot better than most of the cheap-ass special effects that I've seen on other TV shows (including a lot of the shows that are on SyFy.) However, what's best about this show is the sarcasm from the sidekicks, as well as the son and the daughter on the show. Most of the humor for the mom and dad comes off as corny, but the humor from the others is both fresh and biting. My fiancé and I have both been watching the show since the beginning. The more we watch the show, the more that we get drawn in by the series. I can't believe it's getting canceled.

Perhaps the biggest failure was the fact that the writers (David Benioff and Skip Woods) and the director (Gavin Hood) gave only a cursory glance at the source material, made the assumption that its content was either too deep or too intelligent for movie-goers, and proceeded to wipe their respective asses with it. Then they listened to the fans who wanted to see all of their favorite characters in the movie, listened to the top dogs at Marvel who loved the marketing opportunities (like the line of action figures for the movie) and then threw every mutant with a recognizable name that hadn't already been in X3: the Brett Ratner POS...and they even threw in a few who were unfortunate enough to have been in that dung heap of a film.

So, my favorite comic book character (Deadpool - the Merc with the Mouth) gets screwed to hell with no chance for a spin off film, and we got a junk flick with a meandering plot, no character development, and no value whatsoever. I want my $8 back.

I took a bunch of friends, most of whom never read the graphic novel, to see the midnight matinée of this film. Here is the conversation we had afterward.

Me: So, what did you think?

Female Friend 1: It was good. There was a lot of boobs and butts. And that guy's wang all the time...why didn't he wear clothes?

Me: Dr. Manhattan. In the comic he stated that he hated the artifice of clothing, so he hated having to wear clothes.

Male Friend 1: It was a lot more dramatic than I though it would be. It's not the action film that the trailer makes it look like.

Me: Yes, but I warned you about that ahead of time. I told you there wouldn't be a lot of action in it.

Male Friend 1: I know. I'm just saying, I still expected more action. It was still a great movie, just not what I expected.

Male Friend 2: That was a great ending. It really makes you think, y'know, what would you do to save the world?

Female Friend 2: Yeah. Like, where are the lines in the grey area between black and white?

Me: So, overall opinions?

Female Friend 1: I loved it, I just coulda done without the sex and nudity.

Male Friend 2: And the gore. It was pretty gory, but it was also awesome.

Female Friend 2: Yeah. It was pretty awesome.

Okay, based on all of the positive ratings that I've seen so far, I am starting to think that Avi Arad paid a lot of people to give this film a high rank. And all of the B.S. about this being a film for true fans of the Punisher...I was reading the Punisher and Punisher War Journal when most of them were wetting their diapers. I have followed the Punisher since the first appearance of Jigsaw (whose transfer from the comic to the big screen made him seem tremendously stupid, weak, and unfashionable.)

This film sucked on multiple fronts. Its only saving graces were Ray Stevenson as the Punisher (who was the most perfectly cast person for the role,) Julie Benz as the damsel in distress (who was the only one in the film capable of pulling off a convincing accent,) Wayne Knight as Micro (an integral character from the Punisher comics that was left out of the other two films,) and the massive amounts of ridiculous violence that was doled out throughout the film.

Ironically, the film's biggest problem was that the violence that made it great also made it very dumb. Some scenes were hilarious (like when the Punisher pops a roof-jumper with a mini-missile,) but some scenes were wholly unbelievable and unbearable (like when the Punisher punches his fist through a guy's face.) Some of the violence was what I would expect from a Troma film like the Toxic Avenger, not from a Marvel comic book movie. It was ridiculous.

Another big problem from the film was the portrayal of the Punisher's first recurring nemesis,Jigsaw, along with his brother, Looney Bin Jim. They were also horribly miscast with Dominic West and Doug Hutchison, who made their characters pathetic caricatures with such over-the-top Italian accents that they practically crucified their own performances. The costume designers for the film only exacerbated the problem with positively dreadful clothing decisions for Jigsaw and Looney Bin Jim.

Most of the problems of the film can be laid squarely on the shoulders of Avi Arad, who obviously doesn't believe that the Punisher can make a truly successful transition to film, so allowed this crap to bear the brand. However, director Lexi Alexander and the costume designers should have to shoulder a lot of the burden. Alexander needs to learn that acrobatics don't equal action, and that bad accents, bad outfits, bad wigs, badly stereotyped caricatures, and impressively horrific amounts of bad-guy goons do not make for a good action flick.

It's amazing that Julie Benz was able to shine as brightly as she did in such a confined and minimized role. Stevenson only gets credit for looking and sounding like the Punisher from the comics. His performance, however, wasn't near the caliber that Thomas Jane gave us in the second attempt to bring Frank Castle to the screen.

When you consider that my single complaint was that the film was not even an hour and a half long, and yet I still have so much to say...That should tell you something. From the opening sequence - a near-black background with pitch-black lettering spelling out "Property of the U.S. Government Do Not Duplicate", then in white lettering little official statements about "designate Cloverfield" and where the camera was found...It was already exciting. The editing in this film was stupendous!! The action was incredibly realistic, so much so that a suspension of disbelief was entirely unnecessary. I was immediately drawn in, completely immersed in the events, horrified and excited by each new happening and all that threatened to happen next. There was action, horror, comedy, drama, and intense realism all rolled up into basically eighty minutes of film! At the end of the film, many people sat through the credits expecting there to be more, seemingly unsatisfied, as if there had been no resolution...but I disagree. The events in the film did resolve themselves. But from beginning to end, this film was like nothing I had ever experienced in a theater. Blending the first-person-camera concept of the "Blair Witch Project" with the Monster in Manhattan ideas from "King Kong" and "Godzilla" with the harsh-realities-of-love-in-a-war-zone story from...well, pick any war flick from the bunch; this film stands on its own as the first extraordinary action flick of the new year! It was truly amazing! A definite nine star film!

Most of what was good about this story was completely ruined by poor direction from Marcus Nispel (director of The Very Best of Cher...if that tells you anything) and really wretched editing. From beginning to end, Marcus Nispel's drudgingly slow, poorly lighted work falls short on every opportunity to make either an artful movie, an action flick, or a dramatic film. Sadly, Nispel seemed to be going for the trinity without the experience or know-how to realize any one of the three.

Throughout the film, none of the actors were given the dialogue or development necessary to bring their characters to life, so instead they simply drudge through the film merely hoping to reach the end...much like the audience. Any of the characters that could have been likable were virtually silenced and rushed in and out of their screen-time to make way for the barrage of extensively slow fight scenes. Unfortunately for the audience, Nispel seemed to love using the slow motion action sequence to an extremely unhealthy, nearly torturous degree.

Consider, movie-lovers and would-be-directors, that the following points would have made the film so much better:

1.) First, this film should have been brighter and more colorful in the emotional scenes, playing on the beauty of North America's forest lands (something akin to Last of the Mohicans). Instead, Nispel chose the constant dark din of an evil rain forest from Tim Burton's nightmares. It is understandable why Nispel did it, trying to convey the idea that this was a dark time for the peaceful, nature-loving Native Americans. But truthfully, even Burton would have favored some brightness and color over the constant bleakness.

2.) Most of the action scenes should have run in real time like Jet Li's "Fist of Legend", or been sped up to have a harried urgency like Ridley Scott's "Gladiator" or the Jason Bourne flicks. More importantly, get rid of all the rehashed slow-motion stealth shots stolen from Stallone's "Rambo", Schwarzenegger's "Conan", and Norris's "Missing In Action" films. Those scenes have been done to death in modern movies! ***Note to all would-be-action-directors: Nothing makes the predictability of a crappy film more obvious than unimaginative action scenes stolen from bad action flicks.***

3.) The characters should have been given more dialogue and an actual range of emotions, including supporting characters such as Jay Tavare's Blackwing and Nicole Munoz's Little Sister. We are never given the chance to care about these characters, so we never give a hoot about what happens to them, even though their roles are integral to the impact of the story.

4.) The introduction of Ghost (Karl Urban) as an adult should have included at least five to ten extra minutes of his life within his own tribe, (before the onset of the Viking antagonists) for character development and emotional attachment to his adopted family. Without this, we again find ourselves not caring about important pieces of the story.

5.) And finally, the Viking lords Gunnar (Clancy Brown) and Ulfar (Ralph Moeller) should have been given greater scope, so that they could be depicted as both incredible warriors and truly despicable beasts. We should be begging for them to die, yet admiring them for being truly impressive bad-ass bastards. Instead, they come off as no more frightening than Skeletor and the Shredder of the He-Man and Ninja Turtles cartoons, respectively. In the end, we feel cheated; especially considering that Brown has previously shown that he has the chops for playing versatile bad guys.

All in all, this film looked bad, played worse, and stank of skunk-beer-and-stale-popcorn vomit the whole way through, courtesy of one truly bad director. Unless the "Alice" project with Sarah Michelle Gellar comes away with an Oscar and the title of Highest Grossing Film of 2008, Nispel looks like he'll be joining the ranks of crap action directors like Uwe Boll, Renny Harlin, and Rob Bowman.

***Note to all of the good and gentle Buffy fans: Pray for Gellar. She'll need it.***

When looking at Norbit as a theatrical release, anyone with a functioning brain and some idea of who Eddie Murphy is has to give credit where credit is due...to Eddie Griffin and Katt Williams for providing most of the redeeming value of this film. Props also go to Cuba Gooding, Jr. for ditching his usual role of the likable good guy character to play the equally likable snake-in-the-grass of this film.

As for Murphy in his usual trio of roles...I gotta say that I'm actually getting tired of it. Sure, in "Coming to America" he was damn funny, but he shared the credit with Arsenio Hall, who also had four roles in the film. By the time Nutty Professor II came out, Murphy's multiple roles had already become tiresome. It seems more like egocentrism and the need for a bigger paycheck (probably to keep up on the alimony and child-support.) Murphy has proved his chops as a fine actor, and earned an Oscar nom to back it up. It only demeans his own talent when he picks up on three one-dimensional characters in a poorly-made comedy just to grab a few laughs. He may as well just hang a sign around his neck that says "Hey, remember when I was funny?!"

As for Thandie Newton...as accomplished of an actress as she is - and she is, make no mistake - I can't help but see her in any film and completely agree with Murphy's character Rasputia: that girl needs to eat something! Newton has always looked way too anorexic! And this factor always diverts my attention away from her finer talents. My ability to focus on her performance rather than her appearance requires way more effort than should be expected for less than ten dollars.

Then there is director Brian Robbins...and I struggle to actually attach the word "director" to his name, when "unimaginative tool" seems so much more appropriate (you may also substitute any of the following for the word "unimaginative": phony, lackluster, humorless, talent-less, useless, boring, etc.) Sadly, I am trying to understand why Murphy went ahead and did a second film with Robbins (see "Starship Dave" at http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0765476/ for more info). With a slew of bad films under his belt (The Shaggy Dog, Ready to Rumble, Good Burger, need I say more?), I am beginning to believe that Robbins actually sold his soul to the same satanic underling that contracted with the likes of Uwe Boll, Renny Harlin, Rob Bowman, and Michael Bay. (To his credit, though, Bay earned a large measure of redemption with Transformers. It was almost enough to make up for Pearl Harbor.)

All in all, the best aspects of this film came down to three performances: Eddie Griffin as Pope Sweet Jesus and Katt Williams as Lord Have Mercy, the best Pimp & Protégé duo since Mike Epps and Scruncho played Baby Powder and Baby Wipe in "How High;" and Cuba Gooding, Jr. as the gold-digging, fraudulent boyfriend of Newton's 'Kate' character. Those three actors, especially Griffin and Williams, made the movie funny, and, if not truly enjoyable, at least tolerable. For them alone did I rate the film as high as I did.

Just when I started thinking that Uwe Boll has a monopoly on turning great story ideas into horrible movies, Renny Harlin shows up and reminds me once again why he is the undisputed king of crappy cinema. Behold the evidence of his royal pukie-ness: one more in an endless stream of butt-stupid movies.

When the metaphysical power behind witchcraft is an addiction more seductive and self-destructive than heroin and crack combined, what happens when a super-junkie finds a way to steal the power of others just to keep riding his high? Though the original plot and storyline of the film were quite intriguing and solid ideas, Harlin and screenwriter J.S. Cardone managed to infantilize the dialogue so that even crack-whores and NASCAR fans would still think it was pretty lame.

Then Harlin added his special touch; that indefinable quality of his that perfectly demonstrates his utter lack of imagination. He turned what could have been a phenomenal battle of supernatural powers (I was hoping for the Dark Phoenix versus Emperor Palpatine on Steroids) into a schoolyard scrap involving explosive water balloons. Sadly, Ken and Ryu did it better in the original Street Fighter arcade game.

Harlin dropped the final nail in the film's coffin by casting a bunch of no-talent rejects from Melrose Creek, 90666. It was probably because no self-respecting actors would have tied themselves to this sinking ship. Apparently after doling out a trifecta of trash with "Driven", "Mindhunters", and "Exorcist: The Beginning", Harlin was hoping to suckle from the same teet that nourished Andrew Fleming's "The Craft" and Aaron Spelling's "Charmed." Unfortunately that breast has shrivelled up and gone, and all we are left with is a boob who fancies himself a director. Pity for us.

So here's the gist of it: Phoenix Black, a pretty young woman in China two hundred or so years ago, a one-dimensional victim of the director's need to rehash the silly-teen-girl-who-loves-to-shop jokes, inherits the powers of the White Dragon via simulated computer-download. Because she's in love with the Prince, she must fight to save him from the country's top assassin, a man named Chicken Feathers. She is aided by Gene, a young man with an impressive knowledge of modern forensics.

Throughout the course of the story, though, Phoenix finds out that Chicken Feathers is a decent man, and falls in love with him as well. Now she must learn where her loyalties lie and uncover the mystery of who hired Chicken Feathers to assassinate the Prince.

To be fair, if you can stomach the first twenty minutes of silicon-age silliness blending with feudal China affairs, and the last ten minutes of western-world make-me-puke-mega-happy-endings, then the rest of the show ain't so bad. Though the wire-fu is growing tiresome, the sword play is decent. The love story is slightly appreciable, though on the whole less than respectable.

Cecilia Cheung, who's always delightful to see does an admirable job of taking a lame role seriously, and she gets to play a character with two cool names: Phoenix Black and White Dragon, Jr. The other supporting characters are just silly. The conspiracy story is dumb and over-abused in Western cinema. The blind assassin with a pure heart story is even more over-abused in Eastern films. I would have hoped that something coming out of Hong Kong would have had more substance.

The worst of the film, though, is that the director tries to blend modern silliness akin to Leslie Nielsen's Mr. Magoo (actually, you could reference just about anything Nielsen has done for the last twenty years) with all the pageantry of Eastern period-piece films. What you end up with is computer download power transfers, and a débutante of ancient China playing ancient Chinese songs on a flute while acting like a rock star and stage diving.

Needless to say, the mixing just doesn't blend. People who honestly express the thought that this is a great movie only demonstrate their foolishness, and an all-too-frightening penchant for idiocy.

I would have given this film an 8, because it is indeed a good solid film with strong emotional and psychological subtext. But I gave the film a 10 because of two particular scenes where Lea Pool's dialog floored me with sage-like perceptions of love in a modern age. Additionally, I think Pool did a fine job with the story telling, and with delving into the hearts and minds of three very different young women who room together at a boarding school. It is these three young women who are the heart and soul of this Shakespearian-rooted tragedy.

First, there is Paulie, played exceptionally by Piper Perabo. Paulie is phenomenally gifted, though brilliantly rebellious to the point of extreme disrespect for her elders. Orphaned as an infant, Paulie never truly felt as though she were loved. Distrustful of adults and unwilling to compromise, Paulie finds love only in the form of Tori. Tori, portrayed superbly by the awkwardly beautiful Jessica Pare, is a secretly reluctant débutante in the making, confidentially involved in a torrid affair with Paulie. Confidentially, that is, until the arrival of Mary B, Tori and Paulies' new roommate.

And here is where the film actually begins, with the arrival of Mischa Barton as the sweetly naive, yet heartbroken Mary B. Mary's birth mother died from illness, and her new stepmother speaks about her as though she weren't there. Her father has sent her off to boarding school in order to make an easier start with his new wife.

In fine supporting roles are Mimi Kuzyk, Graham Greene, and Jackie Burroughs. As you can see, the cast is relatively impressive for this indie fare. And, as I said before, this is a solid story, except...

My only complaint, though this may be unusual to hear in the modern age, is that I don't always appreciate cinema equating sex with love. While the girls had a torrid affair, it was the friendship between them that was the foundation for their love. It would have been more appreciable if the film had started with just the two (Paulie and Tori) and the love which sprang from their friendship; then deal with the truth that their love evolved into something more intimate. Unfortunately, evolution can only go forward, and never in reverse. Trying to reverse such a process only leads to tragedy and madness, which Pool demonstrated well.

Admittedly, my favorite scenes were: First when these teenage girls were trying to interpret love, and Paulie (Perabo) demonstrated her exceptional understanding of the truth of love: that love simply is.

Second, and more importantly, was when Perabo's Paulie truly opened my eyes to a truth of alternative lifestyles. Barton's Mary B accused Paulie of being a lesbian, because Paulie was a girl in love with another girl. Paulie's response was as articulate as it was epiphanic. She said, "No, I'm not a girl in love with another girl. I'm Paulie in love with Tori." This was a moment of blinding wisdom.

Intellectually speaking, the film deals wonderfully with the psychological aspects of this tragedy, even though the emotional aspects of the story became somewhat confusing. All in all, it is, indeed, a solid film filled with solid performances.

This film is just plain fun. The story isn't anything spectacular, but the skating is sick, the babes are all top shelf, and the main characters are just four guys having fun. Their adventures are enjoyable, and the show is slathered with multiple layers of humor and style. Of course this isn't going to be on any critics' top ten lists, nor will it win any awards anywhere, but the extraordinary films that wind up in those categories often have little to no replay value - once you've seen them, they're pretty much done. "Grind" is a film that's so enjoyable, it's easy to watch it over and over and over again. I've already seen it eight times.

Truthfully, I don't know if I can say enough about this film to warrant 1000 words, but I'll try.

First of all, while people are lauding the film for being an animated family piece set in WWII, and being about homing pigeons, I didn't think it was that big of a deal. I took my 10 year old nephew and his friend to see the film on opening weekend, and they didn't really care about which war was happening at the time, just that there were explosions every so often.

Second, while I personally didn't find it humorous at all, (overly-abused prat falls, moronic hench-falcons, and clichéd bird punchlines does not a comedy make) I did want the boys to enjoy the show. It seemed strange to me that several families (mostly fathers and young boys) were watching a comedy film, and yet nobody ever really laughed. None of the kids laughed unless an adult started laughing first. It was like a sad game of follow the leader, with each of us adults taking turns cue-ing the children's' laughter. Perhaps they should've used canned laughs.

Sure the animation was good. The characters were flat, the story line was formulaic, the villains were pathetic and unfrightening, and the show lacked any sense of humor or adventure, but the animation was good.

Perhaps Luc Besson will one day make another truly great film. Perhaps Reno will once again garner better roles than a French DOI officer battling a giant lizard in New York. But it doesn't matter if they don't.

By pairing for this masterful movie the two have produced a film which will definitely live on throughout history long after all of the riff-raff-flicks are lost and forgotten. This film is definitely deserving of a place in the top 50 films of all time.

Outstanding performances burn up this stellar flick. If you don't know the show's storyline, here's the short-short version. An immigrant hit-man (Reno) becomes responsible for, and eventually falls in love with a young girl, Mathilda (played marvelously by Natalie Portman) whose family was murdered by a dirty DEA agent (the always superb Gary Oldman) and his team. Our heroic hit-man must protect the girl and avenge her family's death.

More than just a compelling action drama, the film focuses its attention on the truth of humanity that people are social creatures and need companionship. While at first Leon is cold and commanding towards his young charge, he eventually warms to her more than he wants to admit to himself. When Mathilda's desire for vengeance places her in harms way, Leon's true feelings burst forth in a hail of bullets and bloodshed that would make the Terminator think twice about messing with this man.

The story is solid. The dialogue is honest and pointed. The action is spectacular. And overall, the direction is undoubtedly Besson's best. This film ranks exceptionally high on my All-Time Must-See list.

The film was actually quite good, up until the last-minute, lackluster ditch. Personally, I felt ripped off after solid performances, decent direction, and relatively good writing built up to the lack of a truly big battle with Dr. Doom. There should have been a no-holds-barred, knock-down-drag-out with FF and Doom; something akin to the ten-plus-minutes final battle between Neo and Smith in Matrix: Revolutions. But instead, in the final moments we got less than five minutes of Chemistry 101 that didn't even begin to tap into Doom's power. (In the comic books, Doom defeated the Beyonder, for god's sake.) The final battle should have been directed by Sam Raimi. At least he knows how to do a fight scene. All in all, the film was like spectacular foreplay leading up to premature ejaculation and eventual impotence. Women all over the world know exactly what I'm talking about here.

That's pretty much all I have to say. Eh. Sums up the whole film, doesn't it? People who have already seen it know exactly what I mean. Nothing more needs to be said, but in order to post this comment, I have to have a minimum of 10 lines to this text. So, allow me to say...

Billy Bob: better in Bad Santa. Marcia Gay Harden: typical. Greg Kinnear: has had tremendously better roles.

And why the hell didn't Linklater have Kinnear slap that kid the way Morrow did in the original. I mean, seeing him push the kid to the ground wasn't enough to bother me the way it did some people. I guess child abuse just isn't what it used to be. George Carlin should include this remake mistake in his diatribe about the pussification of America.

Some people have already tauted this film as a true sequel to the original. Don't be surprised if those people have serious addictions either to heroin or self-induced head trauma. Hallucinogens, bad taste, or out-right ignorance are the only acceptable excuses for anyone to rate this film so high.

First of all, while I am a fan of the original (because I am a fan of the five important talents involved in bringing the Crow to life; Crow creator Jay O'Barr, director Alex Proyas, Ernie Hudson, the impressively sinister Michael Wincott, and the late Brandon Lee,) allow me a moment of objective criticism. To begin with - and I know that to say this is akin to blasphemy - the original wasn't that great of a film. Oh, it was certainly an enjoyable piece for fan-boys such as myself; but it wasn't spectacular. The only reason that it was destined to be a classic was due to the grim nature of its production history. RIP Brandon.

Now, in regards to this Angelus vs. the young John Connor, I do have to say that I actually appreciated Furlong's ability to come off as a bad-ass. The director and the budget, however, totally screwed this film. There were no big action sequences. There was no originality. There was absolutely no believable interest. I mean, one of the "Four Horsemen", in the middle of a crowded room, starts beating the crap out of a folding table with a baseball bat - and this is one of the better action sequences.

David Boreanaz (is that really how his last name is spelled?) may well have put the pistol in the mouth of his floundering attempt to jump from the small screen to...well, the small screen - as this was a direct to video release.

And Tara Reid?! Her appearance in this film only dutifully marks the inevitable decline her career should have been on before she showed up in American Pie.

The only good reason to see this film is for the all-of-18-total-minutes of screen time involving the ever-so-delightful Emmanuelle Chriqui. However, despite her fledgling talent, dialog forces her role to merely smolder when it should have burned up the screen.

All in all, only a tasteless buffoon would rate this film higher than a 4 out of ten.

Sure, this film was retarded. But you expected that the moment you looked at the cover-box. It's a B movie, and on the T&A factor this movie delivered. Truthfully, it was funnier than expected. While it was by no means a work of comedic genius, like "The Party Animal" or "Orgazmo", as far as B movies go it was worth the watch, if you're into that sort of thing anyway.

Christians and morally-oriented parental groups, this is soft-core adult entertainment. If you don't want your children watching sexual content and nudity, then you should keep your children away from this film.

I never thought that I'd see the day when I rated a Marvel movie so low...and I especially didn't think it would be Elektra. I mean, as a fan of the comic, I thought, "Now this is gonna be a good movie. It's about Elektra. It's from the same guys (almost) that brought us Daredevil. It's Marvel. And Jennifer Garner is in it, wearing a tight red-leather outfit no less."

Could I have foreseen that the story would've been written so pathetically? Or that Rob Bowman could have done such an atrocious job of directing the film? Or that there could be so much stupidity involved with the action sequences? Could I have foreseen that some of the best villains to grace the pages of comic books could have been so poorly translated to the screen? No. I am amazing, but I am not psychic.

I thought the producers used test audiences to screen films before they're released. Apparently not in this case, unless they tested it on a bunch of brain-damaged Vietnam vets.

Here's a few examples of how bad the action could be: Stone is one of the five villains Elektra must fight. He's big, strong, and nearly invulnerable, so much so that he's immune to shotgun blasts from point blank range. Yet Elektra drops a tree on him, and *poof* he's gone. Another one of the bad guys, Kinkou is taken out so quickly that you wonder why he was ever in the film to begin with. Then we come to my two favorites from the comic, Typhoid and Tattoo. Tattoo certainly seemed much cooler in the comics. In the film, he goes out like a chump. And Typhoid...in the comic she is a super badass chica. In the movie, she's just dumb.

Okay, that being said, let's move onto deconstructing the film's construction. The action sequences were poorly edited, failed to flow, and the slow-motion sequences were platitudinous to the point of nausea. The fight choreography was pretentious and lame. The drama was too drawn out to be appreciated. Overall, the film was almost totally joyless and inappreciable. Except for Jennifer Garner in the tight red-leather outfit.

Especially if you've already seen the theatrical release, the director's cut adds so much more to the story and the other character's of the film, and even fills in some of the holes in the plot of the original version (holes which, by the way, were big enough to drive a Hummer through them.) While a few well-liked scenes were taken out to make room for over 35 additional minutes of original footage - scenes such as the love-making clip with Affleck and Garner - trust me when I say that those missing or re-edited bits actually help the story to make more sense.

And while those who aren't fans of the Daredevil comic or theatrical release probably won't care if the story makes more sense (which is all too unfortunate for them,) the fans will appreciate it.

Now, while I'm not saying the director's cut should replace the original version, I am saying that I certainly enjoyed it. Hell, I own it. And I can say without a doubt that I like the director's cut more than the original.

As with any of the other comments that I've written for other films, I know I haven't revealed much about the film itself. That's because I am a big believer in the notion that you should see a film for yourself, and form your own opinion. Except for "Torque". Nobody should see that film - unless it's being used as a torture device.

Obviously this film isn't for everyone. It certainly isn't for all of those individuals who take themselves way too seriously, and over-analyze everything. And sure, it doesn't take a whole lot of brains to appreciate this movie; although it doesn't hurt to have intelligence as long as you have a sense of humor. Read the other reviews. Those who didn't enjoy this flick are either so religious that they shouldn't have watched it in the first place, or are overly self-important and humorless people. That being said, I really enjoyed Orgazmo. Parker doesn't just make fun of Mormons, adult entertainment, and super-heroes: as always, he makes fun of himself and his own movie. How could he possibly do such a thing? Well, it's easy when you have a sense of humor. The great Don Rickles once said, "Laugh. Laugh at other people and laugh at yourself. Believe me, you'll like yourself a lot more when you can do that." As for Orgazmo, see it yourself, if you have a sense of humor. And if you don't, then stay away from it. Or get really high and watch it. The choice is yours.

Bad Girls was a Young Guns wannabe with women. The actresses gave fair performances with the roles they were given, though those roles were clichéd and one-dimensional. The film was meant to show the struggles and hardships of women in the old west, yet the film failed on many levels. Rather than turning the women into gunslingers, they should've played more on the Thelma-and-Louise-of-the-old-west routine. What was worse was the whole "we don't need you men, but we love you" attitude. Overall, it could have been better, but then again, it could've been worse. It could've been "Catwoman in the Old West". As crappy as it was, they should've had some T&A in the film, just for redeeming value. It would've made the show more watchable, at least. Feminists probably loved the film. At least it has a niche audience.

Team America World Police is perhaps the most irreverent, offensive, and completely ingenious political satire of the year. Portraying Michael Moore as a suicide bomber and Alec Baldwin as the leader of the Film Actors' Guild (F.A.G.s), Parker and Stone have hit the idealistic nail on its fat, fanatical head. Not to mention that marionette porno is funny as all get out. TA:WP parodies patriotic pop-country anthems, Return of the Jedi, Thunderbirds, and more. Plus, the film features the ballad "Pearl Harbor Sucks, and I Miss You." The film deftly displays the deranged imaginations of the best team of comedic minds to ever bless the animated film industry. Trey Parker and Matt Stone are totally brilliant. America, F**K YEAH!!!

Normally when viewing a film, I like to think I'm more capable of a suspension of disbelief than most people. If the action is tight, and the screenwriters and directors at least attempt to compensate for holes in the story...I'm game. But with this film, "suspension of disbelief" just doesn't seem to cover it. Before I go any further, let me simply say that I didn't bother with seeing 2 Fast 2 Furious. The first film in that franchise sucked enough, and I just didn't see the point in viewing the sequel. On that note, let me say that I shall make no comparison of this film to that. Now, as to the adjustment of a commonly overused plot line to this supposed world of underground biker gangs - chalk it up to the Hollywood producers doing anything for a buck. The biggest problem that I had with this film is the very thing it touted so highly: the intense action. Women fighting with motorcycle kung-fu...guys brawling on motorcycles traveling at over 200 mph through L.A. traffic...Ice Cube landing a motorcycle on top of a moving train. Um...yeah, whatever. While it may seem cool to pimply-face thirteen-year-olds who spank it to e-pics of Jaime Pressly when mommy and daddy aren't home, this film couldn't possibly be taken seriously by anyone with an IQ over 85.