hayabusa-1

The movie is not funny. The special effects are lousy. There is no reason at all for this movie to exist, it is a slap in the face to the entire Ghostbusters franchise.

Did Star trek Voyager really need two one-time appearance backstory characters who are never referenced before or again?

Lyndsay Ballard and Ensign Jetal could have easily been combined into one character and both stories played out in the same episode. Every time I watch "Ashes to Ashes" it feels like a rehashing of "Latent Image".

Random female ensign that we've never seen or heard of before has died off screen in the past. Random ensign for plot-convivence is retroactively made a friend of Harry Kim. We deal with the aftermath and consequences of the death in the episode, and then the random ensign is never again mentioned on the show.

It seems this episode was made just for Tom Paris to add "dead girl" to the list of "hologram", "the wrong twin", and "Borg drone" in the list of unattainable women Harry Kim falls for.

People who say "The Item" is the worst movie of all time have obviously never seen "Ax 'Em". Don't get me wrong, "The Item" is a horrible movie, and deserves it's spot among the worst stinkers of all time such as "Nukie", "Birdemic", "Fun in Balloon Land", "Leonard Part 6", "The Last Jedi", "The Amazing Bulk", "Foodfight!", "The Oogieloves", "Cool Cat Saves the Kids", "Jurassic Shark", "The Rise of Skywalker", "3 Dev Adam", Backyard Dogs", every Os Trapalhões movie, every Kirk Cameron movie, every Kevin Sorbo movie, etc.

"The Item" is the film you'd get if "Ax 'Em" wasn't out-of-focus every frame and wasn't plagued with muffled audio throughout. For as truly painful an experience it was to watch "The Item", at least every shot was in focus and the audio was recorded competently. Hell, with some of the cheesy sound effects that accompany the atrocious special effects, I'm pretty sure this movie is self-aware that it's trash, and laughing at itself. Like the comedic cartoon sound effect that plays when a character literally springs up at the speed of light from a sitting position. Or characters that "run" faster than any human could run, with the background scrolling smoothly as if they were on skateboards. I got a good chuckle out of the scene where a laptop computer is being used to "get in touch with the client" and what is seen on screen is a linux directory listing with one file clearly being a simlink to a file in /usr/bin/ . I'm pretty sure you need to do a little more than issue the "ls" command in linux to communicate with someone. And the next time we see the computer screen, there's an oddly truncated GUI showing Netscape Navigator running on what I believe to be CDE. One more argument for why this isn't the worst movie of all time, the narrative was cohesive enough for me to to effectively loathe the main character. That takes some talent in the writing and acting departments.

"The Item" is a truly awful, un-enjoyable, low-budget piece of trash. While it ranks among the worst movies of all time, it can't hold a candle to the undisputed champion of worst movie ever: "Ax 'Em".

I can't begin to describe how bad this "film" is, nevertheless, I'll make an attempt at it. Imagine a very cheap knock-off of a TVs show like "A Different World" or "Living Single". Imagine those shows with no Queen Latifah, Kim Coles, Kim Fields, Lisa Bonet, Jasmine Guy, Kadeem Hardison, or any semblance of an actor or actress at all. Who needs actors when the director can just throw random friends into ever role for this "movie". Now imagine that the filming of this knock-off took place with a damaged camcorder from the local thrift shop, and was recorded onto a VHS cassette in EP mode. Imagine that this VHS cassette had previously had been taped over every single weekday for an entire year to record the daily soap operas and game shows. And then that same VHS cassette was taped over one final time to be used as the "master tape" for this movie. Imagine that Vaseline has been smeared on the lens of the damaged camcorder for every single shot in the movie, and that the built-in camcorder mic was wrapped tightly in as many hand-towels as could fit around the mic. Imagine a "film" whose idea of Special Effects consists of nothing more than changing the setting on the damaged camcorder from "color" to "black & white". This movie's "special effects" are even worse than those found in Birdemic! At least the Birdemic special effects were in color and in focus, and required the use of a computer to make. I can't say the same about the effects in "Ax 'Em"! This "film" literally just goes to black & white to let the audience know "spooky stuff" is happening. There was a shot of a guy running, and to show he was running fast, the shot was slowed down and a blurry trail effect was applied to the runner. I've seen better effects in Scooby Doo cartoons. There was one scene in this "movie" that was completely pitch black, nothing at all on the screen, though it did still contain the usual inaudible muffled mumbling that passes for dialogue in "Ax 'Em". There is another scene where a door opens and the light coming out of that room is so bright it completely washes out everything on the screen. One shot in the film consisted of a guy walking down the hallway by walking a step, then lying down on his back, standing up, lying back down on his back, standing up again, then doing a SUPER exaggerated Scooby Doo tip-toe walk the rest of the way down the hallway. This movie isn't "so bad it's good" they way films like "Troll 2" and "Who Killed Captain Alex" are. This film is just bad in a baffling way. I'm left wondering just what the filmmaker was trying to convey and why such atrocious visual and audio quality was used as "the final cut" for every single scene. This entire "movie" should have ended up on the cutting room floor. The only reason to watch this film is to see how truly and irredeemably awful it is. Well that, or if you find David Lynch movies to be far too concrete and easy to follow, and you're looking for something more intangible and more abstract, this might just be the movie for you.

This was truly disappointing to watch. I was expecting a spoof of the original 1978 "so bad it's good" Star Wars holiday Special. What I ended up getting was an hour of "The Lego Movie does a Readers-Digest version of the 9 Star Wars films in no particular order". The target audience is obviously little kids who have only seen the sequels, as the sequel crew is the main cast. The callbacks to the Original Trilogy and the Prequels seemed like nothing more than member-berries for older family members who might also be watching. Most of the jokes fell completely flat. And though this is supposedly a Holiday Special, you'd never know it, outside of the characters repeatedly name-dropping the phrase "it's life day", I guess they have to REMIND the audience it's a holiday special given that nothing holiday related really takes place until the very end of the movie. If you're not a fan of the sequels, you won't like this either. The Lego Star Wars Holiday special has the stink of Disney Star Wars all over it. A Holiday special in name only, no callbacks to the original holiday special, as well as the movie itself containing very little holiday content.

I got "Mantis Fist Boxer" on a DVD which also has the movie "Tiger From Canton" from Ground Zero Entertainment. I really wish that Mantis Fist Boxer had been released under the Black Belt Theater Digital Remix collection as opposed to the Brooklyn Zu collection. The print of this movie reeks like the real Brooklyn Zoo and could sorely use some digital touching up.

I've watched my fair share of old school Kung Fu movies, and when I say the print of this film is BAD I mean it is an atrocity. In many scenes the film is so over-exposed in either red or blue you can scarcely tell what you're viewing. And when the film isn't over-exposed the pan and scan ratio is so messed up the actors look like you're seeing them in fun house mirrors that make them taller and thinner. Of the more than 100 old school Kung Fu movies I've seen, the Brooklyn Zu print of Mantis Fist Boxer is THE WORST I've seen to date.

Normally, cheesy dubbing in crazy British voices would amuse me, but in this film it just adds to the painful experience of having to sit through the movie.

Nothing can save this film. Even having the same band of bandits from Dragon Lee's "Champ Against Champ" doesn't help this movie. Even my normal fascination with the mystique of the 18 Bronzemen of Shaolin doesn't help. The plot is so rushed we learn nothing about nor care for the hero. Nor is it explained how or why the evil boss has the 18 Bronzemen of Shaolin at his disposal.

"Mantis Fist Boxer" SCREAMS amateur production from the shoddy quality of the print, to the lack of a coherent plot, to visual effects that are anything BUT special, all capped off by a rushed stereotypical ending.

"Mantis Fist Boxer" is now currently tied with "18 Bronzegirls" on my list of worst Kung Fu films ever. Avoid this low budget stinker at all costs

I had high hopes for what I believe to be the only movie about the 10 Tigers of Canton. I've heard the 10 Tigers of Canton mentioned in passing in kung fu films about Wong Fei-Hung. Fei-Hung was not one of the 10 Tigers, he was known as "the Tiger after 10". However Wong Fei-Hung's father Wong Kei-Ying was on of these 10 Tigers. Being a fan of Iron Monkey which featured Wong Kei-Ying as a main character I was looking to find similar movies featuring Wong Kei-Ying as a central character. I've also seen movies featuring another of the 10 Tigers, Beggar Su, as a minor character. I was quite intrigued to learn more about the 10 Tigers through this film, and to come to an understanding of the aura of mystique and legend that surrounds them.

As a tool for gaining insight into the back-story, lives, and importance of these 10 Tigers this Shaw Brothers movie fails miserably. Wong Kei-Ying is a very minor character in this film. Rarely seen on-screen, he and fellow Tiger Wong Chin Ho are simply referred to in passing as "The Wong Masters". Beggar Su has a more prominent role in the film, but he does not look, dress, nor act the part of a beggar. Instead we're treated to "Acrobat Su". While novel and fresh to use actor Philip Kowk's talent as an acrobat in Five Deadly Venoms, the portrayal of Beggar Su as an acrobat as opposed to a filthy rag-clad beggar left a sour taste in my mouth.

This film fails to provide background information on each of the 10 Tigers and hence doesn't deliver on explaining who each Tiger is and what made each one such a standout in the world of martial arts.

While the costumes, sets, and martial arts action are all phenomenal and top-notch for a 1979 kung fu movie, The lack of character development really hurts this film as it could have been so much more, missing out on making THE one-and-only classic masterpiece about the 10 Tigers of Canton.

I can only hope that someday soon a contemporary Hong Kong director will come out with a film that does justice to the 10 Tigers of Canton, because this Shaw Brothers movie fails miserably at doing such.

I picked this movie up for 99 cents and it was a penny short of a dollar I wasted. If you take a look at the name I use here you'll notice I use the name Hayabusa, after Eiji Ezaki who wrestled under the name Hayabusa in Japan. Eiji Ezaki makes an appearance as Hayabus in this movie and I still came came away hating this "film". Think about that for a moment, a wrestler I idolize enough to use his moniker as my own and I still loathe Backyard Dogs. The only good part of this atrocity of a film are the 30 seconds or so which are a promo for the FMW promotion in japan, showing clips of the hardcore style employed in that now-defunct wrestling federation.

Shot on video and not film, a soundtrack with the worst metal music of all time. Actors who obviously honed their acting talent in pornography. a complete farce of backyard wrestling and wrestling in general. About halfway through the movie I no longer cared about the main characters who were a tag team that this "documentary" allegedly followed. Do yourself a favor, buy an actual tape of backyard wrestling and skip this piece of trash.

To completely understand what a comedic gem "the Last Hero in China" is you must first see Tsui Hark's "Once Upon a Time in China" series.

Wong Jing's version of the Wong Fei-Hung story takes everything from Tsui Hark's adaptation and turns it on its head in the most amusing of ways. A stark contrast to the somber and serious tones of OUATIC, "The Last Hero in China" is whimsical, farcical, and downright funny at times all without wasting the Kung Fu genius that is Yuen Woo Ping. If ever there was a movie that showcased the warped insane comedic mind of Wong Jing and the technical Kung Fu wizardry of Yuen Woo ping "The Last Hero in China" is the prototype example.

There are SO many reasons not to miss this film!

Jet Li as Wong Fei-Hung taking on Gordon Liu as the "perverted monk leader of a heresy". This is one of those fantasy matchups kids dream about like "who would win in a fight Superman or Batman?" and the verbal exchange between the two as the fight concludes is just hilarious.

Postitutes dancing and jiggling while singing their own parody of the Wong Fei-Hung theme song.

Officer Liu and his incessant maniacal laughing!

A pimp named "Mass Tar Wong"

Jet Li in his chicken outfit fighting "chicken style" with real chicken clucks dubbed in as our hero struts and poses like a chicken.

Jet Li's drunken boxing!!!!!!

This isn't another "Once Upon a Time in China" movie, but rather a send up of the series. Having seen that series directed by Tsui Hark, as well as other films directed by "The last Hero in China"'s Wong Jing will help you appreciate the humor in this movie so much more than just having seen it on its own.

"The Last Hero in China" is to "Once Upon a Time in China" as "Men in Tights" is to serious "Robin Hood" movies.

7 stars

Before it was released in theaters in the USA, I had seen "Fearless" twice by way of the Chinese released DVD. I was thinking the American release would be dumbed-down a bit, and oversimplify key plot elements. . What I didn't expect was for the entire tone and feel of the movie to be changed for the worse. To anyone reading this review I urge you to buy the Chinese released DVD and skip the American theatrical release.

The first glaring change for the worse comes about because of the idiocy of wanting to release the film with a PG-13 rating in the USA. In order to do this drastic editing was done to the majority of the early fight scenes. Most notably absent are the graphic visual and audio depictions of the brutal limb-breaking, organ-damaging attacks Huo Yuan Jia delivers to his opponents. In my original review of this film, before seeing the American theatrical release, I said that while these brutal scenes are powerful and leave a lasting impression in one's mind, the brutality was not done simply to be mindless and gratuitous. The brutality was needed early on in the film to show that Huo Yuan Jia was a ruthless fighter, near-devoid of morals, scruples and restraint. By cutting the graphic depictions of Huo Yuan Jua breaking several opponents' arms in rapid succession in one scene, you lose the sense of just how ruthless a man he was. Also highly edited is the death blow delivered by Huo Yuan Jia to Master Qin (called Zhao in the American release for some reason). To make matters worse, the scene in which Huo Yuan Jia goes to extract revenge for the killing of his mother and daughter gets so severely edited that a friend sitting next to me in the theater didn't think that Huo Yuan Jia actually killed Master Qin's adopted son! In the American theatrical release, the actual sword slash delivered is never shown, and if you blink you miss Qin's adopted son slumping over dead. In the American version of "Fearless" you never get a sense of just how ruthless Huo Yuan Jia is, which changes the entire tone and purpose of the movie. Which ties into my next key issue...

In my initial review for the Chinese version of "Fearless" I praised the film for being the least Sino-centric of any film about Jing Wu that I've seen. The Chinese release of "Fearless" doesn't rely on politics or propaganda for it's plot, it simply show the change of righteousness Huo Yuan Jia goes through, and how he wants to set up Jing Wu primarily to atone for the sins of his past. In the American release of "Fearless" as we never get to see the ruthless side of Huo Yuan Jia, the subtitlers had to scramble and come up with tone and purpose. The subtitles change dramatically from the Chinese to the American release. In key scenes in the American release so much is made about foreigners calling China weak. In the Chinese version of Fearless the subtitles mention 1 or 2 passing references to China being referred to as the "sick man of Asia" but it doesn't get blown out of proportion and seems more an implied than an explicit sub-plot at best. In the American version the subtitles paint a clear picture that Huo Yuan Jia is on a mission to restore China to an image of a nation of strength and tenacity. I find it quite odd that the Chinese version of "Fearless" is less Sino-centric than the American version was. If anything you'd think the Chinese released version of "Fearless" would be more nationalistic, but it is not so. While I admire the Chinese version for focusing primarily on the life and changes of the man Huo Yuan Jia, I feel a bit let-down by the American version which relies on politics and propaganda to get the story across. It's sad really as the Chinese version of "Fearless" was a welcome departure from films such as "Hero" and the "Once Upon a Time in China" series which were full of nationalism and propaganda. Sadly the American version of "Fearless" simply mocks the precepts of the aforementioned movies, not realizing how amazingly brilliant and subtle the original plot was simply to focus of the life of Huo Yuan Jia.

Also, another series of edits, albeit minor ones, irked me in the American release of "Fearless". Gone in the American version are the introductions at the beginning of the film as to who Huo Yuan Jia is fighting, and what their specialties are. It's nice to know before the fight starts that Huo Yuan Jia is facing an English Boxing Champion, the Royal Knights Head Coach, and a European Fencing Champion. In the American version of "Fearless" none of this is conveyed, Huo Yuan Jia starts squares off against his opponents with no explanation of who they are or why it is significant that they were chosen as opponents.

I also found it annoying in the American version of "Fearless" that the phrase "Kung Fu" had been changed to "Wushu". Your casual American moviegoer isn't going to know what the word Wushu means. Not to mention the fact that "Kung Fu" as used in the subtitling for the Chinese version was concise and correct, where using the word "Wushu" in its place is incorrect as Wushu refers specially to a non-combative Chinese martial arts kata, and doesn't by any means encompass all of The Martial Arts, let alone all of Kung Fu.

The Chinese version of "Fearless" I give 7 stars, and would recommend it for hard core Kung Fu fans, as well as the casual Kung Fu fan who liked movies like "Hero" and "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon".

The American version of "Fearless" I rate at 2 stars, and I urge everyone to avoid this version at all costs.

Champ Against Champ is slowly becoming one of my two favorite old-school over-the-top Kung Fu movies (the other movie being The Unbeaten 28).

What's not to like about this movie? You've got Dragon Lee the most humorous of all the Bruce Lee impersonators. In his journey to protect the ever-overused plot element of a name list, Dragon Lee has his leg amputated and forges a replacement leg out of steel. While campy and humorous enough in it's own right it's really "kicked" up a notch when he fights using the steel leg. The CLANG sound effect is priceless whenever Dragon Lee kicks someone with his metal limb. And when his opponents go flying backwards 50 feet or get kicked up into a high tree branch as a result from the steel kick of fury, you can't help but crack a smile.

We're also treated to supernatural evil hench-woman superbeings! These women can command the mystical force of chi and use it to levitate a man and toss him against the back carven wall of the hideout they occupy. And if that wasn't enough for you, these supernatural femme fatales can also disguise themselves as some of the creepiest Chinese clowns I've ever seen on screen. The carnival scene in this movie sticks with me and stands out in my mind for the sheer eeriness of the music and how creepy the clowns looked (especially the trumpet playing clown). You just KNOW something bad is gonna happen upon hearing the eerie music the trumpeter belts out as those demented clowns with streamers on their heads dance around in a manner that just oozes with insanity, dementia, and wickedness! For the grand finale these women can go from evil clowns to harnessing the power of invisibility, disappearing from sight completely! Our fearsome femme fatales use this effect to wail on Dragon Lee while he can't see them. That is until Dragon Lee remembers he too can channel chi and uses it to make smoke emanate from his hands to smoke out the invisible vixens.

One of the film's villains has red hair with some if braided, giving a very Nordic look to an otherwise Chinese looking man. If anyone ever asks you what a Chinese Viking would look like, you can point to this guy! Another villain uses the old cliché of dressing up like a Buddhist monk and befriending Dragon Lee only to betray him in the next scene. We've seen it before, dozens of times: the Jingasa hat and Monk robes concealing the true identity of the wolf in sheep's clothing. I always enjoy seeing this particular element of trickery used in Kung Fu movies, even if it has been done before.

We're also treated to an amusing quasi-homosexual Innkeeper whose tavern is the frequent backdrop for much of the film. The slightest incidental contact to the wussy Innkeepr knocks him out, or he faints, or maybe both, at any rate it's hilarious. It's also in this Inn that we're treated to a few good kung fu battles, as well as one of the villains calling the old kung fu master a "long haired son of a she-goat". There's nothing like an absurdly dubbed insult to keep a kung fu comedy rolling along.

The Baddass boss villain has his moments too. When he's not playing womanizing games blindfolded or sending his henchman to kill Dragon Lee, our main boss villain seems to be an avid gardener as well. Or so it seems... His potted flowers are actually darts he uses as throwing weapons. Then again I guess it would be hard to grow real flowers in the Batcave-like hideout the main villain uses.

Champ Against Champ is a campy and fun Kung Fu movie. For those that can live without wire-fu and serious dramatic plots, this movie is sure to amuse and entertain.

Fortunatly for me I saw Final Destination 3 at the dollar theater and it was worth every penny, but not one penny more. I enjoyed the first Final Destination movie, and the second movie held my interest, but the third installment falls short. It's a sequel to a sequel and nothing more. I had higher expectation for the film going in. The premise of the series of movies is good, and the writers and directors are missing out on a chance to flesh out something teased in previous movies, but quite lacking in this movie. What is death's plan, how does it work? Can it be beaten? Sadly there is very little mention of death as an entity or force in this movie, and we don't get a deeper look into the inner-workings and intentions of Death. By the third movie in the series I think it's time to unlock some secrets to keep movie goers intrigued, but sadly Final Destination 3 is just more mindless teenage gore.

1993... All I can think is what was Wong Jing smoking that year? Liquid Swords and The Evil Cult were both the work of Wong Jing in 1993 and both bear some of the same irritating similarities.

I tend to enjoy martial arts fantasy movies, however when I am required to keep track of a cast of Shakespearean "julius Caesar" proportions I tend to lose interest quickly. Much like The Evil Cult this movie has so many characters, so many warring on-again-off-again factions and blood ties it makes your head spin trying to keep up with it all. I'll end my comparison of similarities between this film and The Evil Cult by saying Wong Jing must have had a fetish for human-bat-vampire creatures in 1993 as both lay predominant roles in both films.

I had less of an attention span and tolerance for Liquid Swords than I did for The Evil Cult for 2 reasons. #1 ... Liquid Swords just seemed to go on and on and on and on. The movie seemed very long to me, even at 1 hour and 20 minutes on the copy I have it seemed to go for 3 hours, 3 days, even 3 years. The second aspect that detracted value from this film was the use of fast motion. If you're going to have spectacular wire-fu fight scenes the breathtaking aspect of those fight scenes are completely lost when you speed up the film to intentionally, or unintentionally make the action look silly. I'm not sure which was the case here. Part of me says Wong Jing was trying to be funny by speeding up some for the fight scenes, but the cynic in me says if there fight scenes had been done at regular speed the movie would have seemed to have dragged on for what seems like 4 hours instead of only seeming like 3.

The fight scenes that re at normal speed are just standard wire fu fare, nothing really special here. Avoid this movie unless you're a die hard fan of Wong Jing and looking to see every movie he ever had a hand in.

The best place to start signing the praises of this truly "magnificent" film is to look at the names of all those involved with the movie. A venerable who's who of Kun Fu movies past and present rounds out this film.

The film is directed by Yuen Woo Ping, who would later become the master of fight scenes in such movies as The Matrix, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, The Once Upon a Time in China series, Kung Fu Hustle, oh and he also directed some great films such as this film and The Buddhist Fist.

The film's screenplay is by Wong Jing, who's notorious for his hit or miss HK films. The Legend of Fong Sai-Yuk and Meltdown stand out in my mind as his best films, and from the humor shown throughout this movie it's obvious that Wong Jing had a hand in it, he is definitely "on" in this movie.

The Magnificent Butcher stars Sammo Hung, who unless you were living under a rock in the 1970s and 1980s you should know as one of the more competent kung fu movie stars of his era. Sammo plays the title character "Butcher Wing" (Lam Sai-Wing) one of the more notable of the real life disciples of Kung Fu hero, patriot, and Chinese healer Wong Fe-Hung. Butcher Wing getting his niickname as he was a butcher by trade in his day job, which often leads to many funny butcher jargon jokes during kung fu scenes in movies in which Buther Wing is a character. While not as funny as some of the double entendre fight dialouge in Once Upon a Time in China 5, there is a humorous scene in Magnificent Butcher where Sammo gets a lesson in cooking, mistakenly thinking he's getting a kung fu lesson. Sammo holds his own as Butcher Wing he has the build and demeanor for the part, and quite honestly as this is the only movie I know of featuring Butcher Wing as the main character, Sammo Hung as a big name actor was a good choice for the Role.

Tak-Hing Kwan makes a brief but memorable appearance in his typical role at the time of Master Wong Fei-Hung. This was THE guy, this is who Chinese movie-goers associated as Wong Fei-Hung before Jet Li revived the role in the Once Upon a Time in China series. Tak-Hing Kwan plays and older, queue-less Wong Fei-Hung, but a Wong Fei-Hung who is still a master physician and martial artist nonetheless. Yes this is the movie with the famous scene of Wong Fei-Hung demonstrating calligraphy as a self defense technique. The movie is worth seeing for this scene alone, even if you're not a fan of Sammo Hung you will get a kick out of Tak-Hing Kwan's defensive calligraphy style.

Yuen Biao is also in this gem of a film, one I highly recommend seeing if only to see what Wong Fei-Hung films were like prior to Jet Li. The 1970s and 80s were filled with low budget pure crap films, and rest assured this film is not one of them. This is a rare gem from that era, one that any kung fu fanatic must see.

`Apart from using his advanced Kung-fu skills, Jet Li demonstrates an incredible US boxing style, a completely different fighting style in this movie.'

The above is a direct quote from the back of the DVD box of `Born to Defence'. It is also a bold faced lie. The closest Jet Li gets to American boxing in this film is when he puts on a pair of boxing gloves and steps into a boxing ring in the middle of a seedy bar. All similarities between American boxing and Jet Li's style end there. The closest you'll see to a boxing style is Jet Li kickboxing, which is much more of a Thai style than an American one.

With the hype the DVD box gave to Jet Li using an American boxing style this was a bit of a letdown. For fans of Jet Li wanting to see him stick, jab, and shuffle, I highly suggest the movie `Fist of Legend', as there's a scene in that movie where Jet Li actually DOES show off a good flyweight style of boxing. `Fist of Legend' also happens to be the best Jet Li movie I've seen to date; and outclasses and outshines `Born to Defence' in just about every aspect of filmmaking.

`Born to Defence' was the directorial debut for Jet Li. It also marks the last time he directed a film. I found it interesting that this film was in Cantonese as opposed to Mandarin. If you watch this movie on DVD I highly recommend watching it in the Original Cantonese with English subtitles as both the Mandarin and English dubbing on the DVD are really, really bad! So bad at times the dubbers completely miss dubbing in lines of dialogue as you're watching the actors lips move in complete silence. As a director Jet Li keeps this film simple, it's Jet Li's character (ironically named Jet in the English dubbing) against the evil bullies of the U.S. Navy. `Jet Li vs. The U.S. Navy Bullies' would be a very apt title for this movie indeed.

The martial arts in this movie are poor as compared to other Jet Li films I've seen. The film also lacked a certain cohesion as well. Several key fight scenes are interrupted by very poor editing. In no fewer than 2 fight scenes the camera cuts away from Jet Li at a critical point in the fight. When the camera cuts back to Jet, we join the fight already in progress; the action picks up in real time, instead of picking up where the cut left off. In a martial arts film, the spotlight should be on your superstar, and any cuts to background actions should not result in the audience missing out on what could have been a great fight scene. For the lack of cohesion in the fight scenes, and my disappointment with the alleged boxing style this movie fails to deliver, I give it 4/10 stars.

Dragons of the Orient is less a documentary and more a montage of Kung Fu exhibition films thrown together. In between the Kung Fu clips the narrators of the film, a man claiming to be Jet Li's sparring partner and a woman claiming to be a newspaper reporter lead us on a selective tour of China, comment on the Kung Fu stars we're about to see, and try to outdo each other with their own Kung Fu moves.

The only acting in the film comes from the narrators, and in the dubbed version it comes off contrived, cheesy and overdone. If you've ever watched "The Simpsons", the narrators can be likened to Troy McClure in the documentary films Phil Hartman served as narrator for. They put a lot of ideas out there, and never really tie any of them together; at the end of the film the narrators try to conclude by putting conviction into the tone of their voice, while not really saying anything worthy of wrapping up a film/documentary.

As for the Kung Fu displayed in this movie it's often boring. We're treated to clip upon clip from the 1970s and 1980s of Martial Artists honing their craft solo, with an occasional light sparring with a partner thrown in every now and again. I'm not a fan of solo action as the air you're hitting doesn't hit back; this film had me bored throughout most of it.

There are a few points in this film that make it almost worth watching. If you're a fan of Jet Li you might be interested in watching the stock footage of him as a youngster demonstrating his kung fu skills with his friends and solo. There's some nice on location shots of the Great Wall of China, and a Shaolin temple which might appeal to people interested in Chinese history.

Only 2 scenes of kung fu in this movie entertained me. The first was a man using a "duck style" of Kung Fu. The style is quite whimsical and unorthodox, at times looking more like a dance routine that should be done to "Disco Duck". The second scene that was impressive was Jet Li doing a drunken sword solo routine. I've always been a fan of the drunken style and using a sword makes it all the more impressive. Jet Li pulls off the Drunken style quite well, I am surprised he has used it so sparingly in his Hong Kong released films.

Overall this movie is pretty boring, ocassionally you'll find yourself watching an interesting performer or interesting scenery. Bad narration spliced between old kung fu footage makes for a very poor documentary. 2/9 stars.

After seeing the previews for THEY on TV I decided to see it in Theatre over Thanksgiving weekend. THEY is about the only thing I am not thankful for.

First off the movie is not scary at all. I went into the movie expecting horror, or their tangents of suspense, gore, tastelessness, etc. I got none of these. The movie is predictable up until the ending, which contains the only tense/scary scene in the entire movie. Had they started the movie with this tense scene, and built on it, and explored the possibilities it entailed, the movie could have been 100 times better than it was.

Poor acting, poor dialogue, and characters you never really get to like are bad enough. The lighting is the worst aspect of the film. Think Plan 9 bad, scenes supposedly taking place in the middle of the night have rooms illuminated via windows looking like it should be noon outside.

About the only positive I took away from this theatre experience was seeing a preview beforehand where the ghost of the Tooth Fairy goes on an avenging killing spree. No I am not kidding, some movie exec really bought a script with a Tooth Fairy Killer. If not for that my brother and I would have had nothing to laugh about during the boredom that was the movie THEY.

** This review may contain spoilers for both Evil Dead I and II, proceed at your own risk **

I viewed Evil Dead I and II back to back, and I find it fitting to post my comments about both movies in a review for Evil Dead II. I expected Evil Dead II to be a sequel to the first movie, and I was surprised that it wasn't a continuation of the first film.

Sam Raimi who directed both films must have received a ton of criticism for the first Evil Dead movie. The proof is in Evil Dead II. It's as if Raimi took all the elements of criticism he received as a dare that he couldn't make a movie worse than the first Evil Dead. Raimi delivers on this dare by taking every point of criticism about the first film, and making these criticized elements worse and cheesier in Evil Dead II. Evil Dead II comes off as an intentionally sabotaged remake of Evil Dead I. Some examples you may be asking yourself?

Did you find it odd in Evil Dead I that Ash's blood spattered face was always clean and pristine as soon as the camera angle changed for the next scene? In Evil Dead II Raimi takes this one step further. The scene in particular that sticks out in my mind: a woman gets showered with enough blood to fill a wading pool. Her shorts are drenched in blood, leaving a huge stain on them when the blood waterfall finally subsides. In the next scene her shorts look brand new, there's not a drop of blood on them! Gotta love those new stain resistant Dockers khaki's.

Were you p***ed off in the first movie that Ash seemed to have these wonderful antibodies that prevented him from becoming a zombie? Well that situation is rectified within the first 5 minutes of Evil Dead II. Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome the new and improved half-zombie Ash!

Were you bored during the first hour of Evil Dead I when the plot moved slowly to build suspense? In Evil Dead two as soon as the opening credits stop rolling, we're hit right off the bat with a fast paced `horror' action scene. There is no suspense whatsoever in Evil Dead 2. The fast and intense pace at which the above mentioned supernatural attack scene occurs speaks as a metaphor for Raimi's reaction to criticism that Evil Dead I moved too slowly.

The key plot elements are the same for both movies: a destroyed bridge traps a small group of people in a cabin surrounded by an evil possessed forest. The previous occupant of the cabin was a researcher interested in a book of the dead that brought about the demonic possession of the forest and any that entered the cabin. There's a very cool ornamental dagger whose purpose isn't explained in either movie. Even with the more modern special effects in Evil Dead II, I'd recommend you see the first Evil Dead, rather than the second. Evil Dead I is quite suspenseful, it's a decent horror/gore film given the era it was produced in. Evil Dead II is nothing more than a self-loathing send-up of the original.

`Tokyo Raiders' starts off fast and furious. Before we are on a first name basis with one of the main characters, he is embroiled in a fight scene the can only be described as Jet Li meets James Bond meets MacGyver.

`Tokyo Raiders' moves at an incredibly fast pace, Fight and Chase, Fight and Chase, and I found myself fighting and chasing the ever elusive plot. I saw the version dubbed into English, and perhaps that's the only fault of the movie. I never fully got a grasp of who each character was, what their name was, as well as the purpose for their actions. Introductions to the characters are never properly given, and soon the plot twists so much you don't know who's who, who's Chinese, who's Japanese, who's working for which mob boss, and who's actually a good guy. This might be part of the film's mystique, or just really bad English dubbing. In any event I didn't really care. The martial arts fight scenes are plentiful in this film, and they are brilliantly done. The actors themselves are very skilled in the martial arts, and the director really enjoys playing with slow motion and rotating camera angles. The effect is absolute brilliance: a truly new art form made up of technical merit and intelligence in both filmmaking and martial arts skill.

This movie has been called a comedy. It's not so much a comedy as it is a comedy of errors. I liken it to `Lock Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels' as both involve some frantically hysterical antics that happen when average Joes get mixed up in the seedy mob underworld. Both films move at a mile a minute as well. Have I mentioned this film moves fast yet?

The artfully done martial arts more than makes up for any confusion caused by the speed of the plot and the poor English dubbing. If you thought `Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels' needed some Kung Fu added to it, this movie might just be your soulmate. . 7/9 Stars

Mild SPOILERS contained herein. I'm spoiling this film to save you the trouble of having to watch it.

Jet Li's movies fall into one of two categories: Shaolin period movies and movies set in modern-day Hong Kong revolving around Triads or Triad like organizations. Each genre has its best and worst films. `Twin Warriors' is Jet Li's best Shaolin era flick while `The Evil Cult' is his worst. `Fist of Legend' while in the recent past is the best `modern era' Jet Li movie. `Black Mask' without a doubt is the worst.

Jet Li plays a self-exiled mercenary who received an injection that gives him superhuman ability, but shortens his life span. In his `new life' in exile he plays a pacifist librarian. When his old mercenary squad goes on a rampage, Jet Li becomes a vigilante determined to stop them. He dons a very silly corrugated cardboard mask so as to conceal his identity from the police (and public) as a librarian, as well as to conceal his true identity to his ex-comrades in arms.

The version I saw was dubbed, and horribly at that. Why does Jet Li capture and hold hostage his library co-worker if he's a pacifist? Is there a love story between them? Why does the police chief not care when he learns of the Black Mask's true identity? The plot is just plain BAD. Bad by way of the superhero cheesiness, bad in the sense that characters are never properly developed, bad in its character interactions, all topped off by a half-explained story I quickly lost interest in.

The action and martial arts sequences are way over the top. Lots of blood, gore (severed body parts aplenty), explosions, and Matrix style superhuman martial arts fiascos are present in the film. Unfortunately this is the films best and only selling point. If you want to see Jet Li playing a vigilante superhero in a Mission Impossible style movie `Black Mask' delivers. For the rest of us Jet Li fans it is a true disappointment. This is one of those movies where Jet Li never gets to be Jet Li: he gets neither the chance to charm us with his charisma, nor a chance to impress us with his impressive yet realistic martial arts ability.

Normally a Chinese knockoff of Ozzy Osbourne would be enough to engross me in a film, sadly `Black Mask' proved to be an exception to that rule. Indeed the antagonist of this movie, by the way he dresses, his long straight hair, and trademark round sunglasses looks like the modern and aged Ozzy Osbourne. However the villain isn't on-screen long enough to make the gimmick worthwhile. I am assuming the likeness to Ozzy was intentional; in addition to the villain's look, he also ran a satanic looking hideout. So much more could have been made from the Ozzy Osbourne villain gimmick! If only the writer, director, or ANYONE had bothered to give a background to and develop the character of the film's arch villain!

`Black Mask' was the first Jet Li film released on video in the USA after Lethal Weapon 4, and I'm glad I stayed away from it until now. It may well have ruined my whole perception of Jet Li as a martial artist and actor. If you want to see Jet Li at his worst, rent `Black Mask' and `The Evil Cult' and make it a double feature or horror, both intentional and unintentional. Otherwise stick to moves that utilize the talents of Jet Li, and have plots that are semi-well thought out and plausible. 3/9 stars.

Possible Spoiler alert, though there's not much to spoil about this film. I saw Project A part II not having seen the first movie. I don't think I missed much. Project A Part Two is not only the worst Jackie Chan film I've seen to date (yes worse than `Fantasy Mission Force'), this film is one of the most unwatchable films the world has ever seen. It's right up there with `Plan 9 From Outer Space' on the sleep inducing scale. The plot is twisted up and knotted like a 50 foot ball of yarn the cat's been playing with and finally left for dead. The `humor' if you could call it that, seems to have been written by an annoying High School freshman, who despite how many people tell him he's not funny, is determined to get his lame humor out no matter how painful a movie is made. And this movie is painfully bad. The plot involves Jackie Chan as a Navy officer recruited by the police force to round up `all known criminals'. He rounds them up in the first half hour of the movie, and I prayed for a quick ending which I didn't get. Why the movie bothers to progress from this point I haven't a clue. The movie drags on and on and on with no purpose, no plot, and attempts at humor that fail so miserably, they make Carrot Top look like a comedic genius. The Kung Fu in this movie is lame, and forgettable. There's better Kung Fu in that movie about the 3 Ninja kids. Project A part II is neither an action movie nor a kung fu movie, it is however a complete waste of the talents of Jackie Chan and Maggie Cheung who have made films worlds superior to this. As Jackie Chan repeatedly escapes certain death, I enter `Blair Witch' mode asking (and wishing) `Is he going to die NOW, so the movie can end? `. An Example of how ludicrous this movie is: Jackie Chan is handcuffed to another man. A gang of pirates (that look nothing like pirates) throw axes at Jackie. Does Jackie grab one of the wayward axes and break the chain on the handcuffs? No! You see that would spoil the `hilarious' gag of him being handcuffed to another person. If you have a friend who laughs at everything, I encourage you to watch this movie with him or her, and watch as even they won't get a chuckle out of this film. If you're an insomniac this movie is sure to put you to sleep. Do not operate heavy machinery while watching Plan A part II. Possible side effects include headache, retinal strain, and death by boredom. 0/9 Stars

Spoilers contained herein; my reviews are meant for connoisseurs of Jet Li films.

Jet Li's `Enforcer' is a average film in every aspect of the word. Jet Li plays Kung Wei, an uncover cop sent to infiltrate a triad gang. Herein lies the problem, weather it is the fault of the script, the fault of the dubbing, or the fault of Jet Li's acting, his character is SO far undercover the viewer forgets that he is a cop. The plot is not set up very well, we're not told WHY his cover has to be kept to such a high and extreme level. Wei's contact in the Triad gang, MR. G (I forget the character's real name) is also a mystery. I have seen this film three times and I still have yet to determine if Mr. G was also an undercover cop, or just a well intentioned thug in the gang. The plot has more holes than swiss cheese, especially early on which makes it hard to follow important key concepts such as the ones mentioned above.

The movie is not without its charm however. While Wei is infiltrating the triad in Hong Kong, his wife back on the mainland dies, leaving his son an orphan for all intents and purposes. Anita Mui, who you may remember from Jackie Chan films such as `Rumble in the Bronx' and `Legend of Drunken Master' plays Hong Kong Police Detective Anna Fong. She's hot on Wei's trail for his criminal acts unknowing committed undercover back in Hong Kong. While tracking Wei she goes to his home in the mainland, and befriends Wei's wife and son, more or less adopting the son after the mother's death. The two end up tracking Wei back to Hong Kong, and discovering the truth about his undercover status.

The Kung Fu scenes in this movie are nothing spectacular. The most impressive kung fu is demonstrated by Wei's son when his must defend the reputation of his father against a school full of bullies. He also demonstrates some good fundamentals in the Wushu demonstration scene. As for Jet Li, he's capable of much more artful and complex kung fu than he displays in this movie. The head triad villain is the stereotypical Chinese 1990s bad guy. If you've seen `Legend of Drunken Master' or similar films you know what I'm talking about, the buzz cut, sunglasses, the Armani suit, the white magician looking gloves, and an aura of evil about him. His goal as a villain in this movie is to hijack an auction taking place on a boat and make off with the goods and the customer's money. The fight scene at the end is anti-climatic. This evil badass who tears through people throughout the movie hardly puts up much if any of a fight at the end. Sure there's some good improvisation of the Kung Fu Rope technique, but that's what keeps this film on its average level, and keeps it from sinking to the depths of a bad film.

If you're looking for a typical hong Kong action genre film along the lines of Hard Boiled killers, you might like this film. If you're looking for Jet Li's mastery of the martial arts, this film will disappoint you. As an action film, and a film itself, it rates very bland and average 4/9 stars.

SPOILERS: if you can call them that. This movie is a complete waste of film stock, DVD ROM, VHS tape, cable signal, or whatever other medium you use to see this film. The plot/story has less thought put into it than... well ANYTHING. Here's the movie in a nutshell. Robert Downy jr. comes back from vacation. Two women he was dating both end up at his house and learn of his infidelity. The rest of the movie involves the two women incessantly bitching at Downy for being a chauvinist, while Downy whines, moans, makes up excuses and just generally looks pathetic. What's so startling about this movie is that it's completely unreal! Two women who discover their man has been sleeping around behind their back aren't going to stick around that guys house together and let the guy know exactly what they think of him. And if they tried any self respecting man would say "this is my house, get out". But that never happens. The girls don't trash his house (too much) or make off with all his furniture while he's away; they just stay there and bitch at him. Quite painful to watch, the acting is absolutely horrible. It's topped off with an equally horrible ending that leaves everything up in the air, nothing resolved, and no conclusion or finality to the film. This film is a complete waste of time, and should only be viewed by skeptics who don't believe the film is as bad as my reviews and the reviews of many before me. 0/9 stars

Spoilers Contained, you have been warned

Yes `The Immortal' did borrow several key elements from `Highlander': A katana wielding Immortal traveling through time doing good, a bumbling but well intentioned apprentice, and a pretty lady to round things out. However to say `The Immortal' is a rip off of Highlander is to miss the point entirely of what `The Immortal' was.

The Plot of the Immortal involved a beaten and abandoned Raphe being taken in by a Japanese family. He is taught how to fight by the Father of the family, and falls in love with the daughter. Raphe marries this woman and has a child by her. This angers the demons in hell as the love between Raphe and his wife is too pure, and their child is a bad omen that could ultimately destroy hell itself. One day while Raphe is away demons kill his wife and kidnap their daughter. The rest of the series is Raphe in 3 or 4 different historical time periods, battling demons with his intelligence and his sword, getting closer and closer to finally regaining his daughter.

I thought the premise for this show was much smarter than that of Highlander. Instead of blind faith in the catchphrase `there can be only one' Raphe actually had a purpose for seeking out and destroying the demons which crossed his path. The different historical time settings were well done, the scenery and costumes were very representative of their time periods. I really credit the actors too, they really made you feel for the plight of Raphe who spent centuries trying to reunite himself with his kidnapped daughter.

My only disappointment with the series was it was cancelled just as things got interesting. A female demon reunited Raphe with his daughter, but promised things would soon take a turn for the worse. And that's how the series ended, with a cliffhanger that left me wanting more. This series is not bad as it's reputation, it's actually quite enjoyable once you get into the plot. 6/9 stars.

`Waking Life' as stated by many reviewers before is a movie you will either get or not get. The movie can penetrate the routines of acceptance a person builds up philosophically to answer the unanswerable questions of life and existence, however the viewer has to be willing to let the movie penetrate their defenses. Watching this movie while in a sober state isn't going to do much for you. This film is certainly enhanced by the viewer's use of drugs, or the drugs weakening the viewer's inner defenses to the messages and meanings in this film. I found myself paying less and less attention to the `animated' images on screen, listening instead to the words behind it and concentrating/meditating on items of interest in the apartment I viewed the film. The film's contents is some of the deepest I have ever encountered. I'll give a spoiler alert to be safe, but I don't feel this movie can be spoiled as everyone will take their own unique messages from this film. The film itself deals with lucid dreaming, but I started applying these theories to every day life. Can we prove we are human, or better yet more than human? How would we answer someone on the outside looking in who asked us if humans were lazy or fearful? What if our friends and acquaintances were only characters in a dream? Is the face of god your own face? Will those who steal our lives steal our dreams as well? Does god dream of being Satan, and Does Satan dream of being god? Did prehistoric Fish ever dream one day they would evolve into humans? What If you're still that fish and your reality is nothing more than a dream? This film is deep to an insane degree, and you won't enjoy it in a sober state. Ok so it's a drug movie, but it is an outstanding, mind-blowing, through provoking drug movie. I give it 6 Qs and 4 Zebras out of 9 Stars