Ambak

You know you're in trouble right at the start when the credits roll up the screen and when the title appears Marty Wilde starts warbling "Jet Stream" rather than "Jet Storm". A breakdown in communication between songwriter and producer? Nope. The lyrics were written by Cy Endfield who is, of course, the same as C. Raker Endfield, the director. Presumably the title of the movie was changed at the last minute (maybe TWA objected, they were still flying their piston engined Lockheed Starliners across the Atlantic and hopefully promoting them as "Jetstreams" in competition with Pan Am's and BOAC's real jets). Others have described the cast as "all star" which is pushing the definition a bit. Many of them achieved some fame in future years, but not necessarily as film stars (as opposed to character actors). The economics of this airline are questionable as there are only 32 passengers on board and the seat pitch seems to be about 5 feet. The passengers are the usual stereotypes and none generate any sympathy with the audience so we don't particularly care what happens to them. Stanley Baker's turn as the Captain is so wooden that he might have been replaced with a plank. The decision to use stock footage of the Soviet Tupolev Tu-104 is bizarre, particularly as the feeble model bears only a cursory resemblance. Presumably they didn't use the Boeing 707 or DH Comet as at the time only two airlines were using them transatlantic and they did not want the association with potential disaster. To add to the confusion the scenes of the passengers boarding shows them embarking on a BEA Vickers Viscount, the registration of which is clearly visible on the fin. The most laughable aspect of the whole thing, of course, is the bomb attached to the underside of the wing by "suction pads". Wow, they must have been incredible to survive a 500mph jetstream......, which is where we came in.

Doris Day made some pretty bad movies in the final years of her film career, but nothing comes close to this piece of garbage. It is no surprise to learn that Doris was forced to make it by Marty Melcher for the money, there could be no other incentive. Miscast actors made to behave in totally idiotic ways while mouthing inane dialogue may be some peoples idea of "comedy", but this truly is bottom of the barrel stuff. Terry-Thomas tries about one line of a Hungarian accent, then forgets about it for the rest of the movie, Patrick O'Neal looks as though he's walked on to the wrong set at the studio, the direction is virtually non existent, the music is awful and who knew you could get so much light from a couple of candles? This was the only DD movie not in my collection and it is by a large margin the absolute nadir of her career.

I discovered this movie in my DVD collection, but have no recollection of actually buying it. Having time on my hands one evening, I decided to watch it, it only runs 90 minutes so how hard can that be to get through? Well, after about twenty minutes there's a scene where a guy is painting in his apartment. If they had left the camera pointing at the wall for the next hour watching the paint dry it would have been more interesting. This is one of the most tediously boring movies I have ever seen. It is obvious from the start that we are not in the real world. In the real world an air crash would have NTSB investigators all over it, it is not up to the airline to decide what the cause was. Once we have established that we are not in the real world, it doesn't take much to figure out what is going on, but it is still not worth the effort to do so. A complete waste of time.

This was Associated Britsh Picture Corporation's third attempt to turn popular television comedian Charlie Drake into a big screen star. To say that this is a notch up on the previous effort (Petticoat Pirates) is not saying much, but at least this is a properly constructed vehicle for Drake rather than a series of irrelevant scenes inserted into an existing story. In this movie Drake actually has a character name and the fact that he is in nearly every scene will either please or appal you depending on your tolerance of the character. The Drake films were clearly intended to be ABPC's answer to Rank's Norman Wisdom films, which had had ten years of box office success but by 1963 were beginning to flag. Unfortunately, public tastes were marching relentlessly on to the swinging sixties and the appetite for sentimental "little man" comedy was on the wane. Even if you are a Charlie Drake fan, the main problem with this effort is the glacial pace. It is at least thirty minutes too long, mainly due to the profusion of slapstick set pieces. As with Petticoat Pirates, ABPC quite unnecessarily shot this in CinemaScope and Technicolor and filled it with familiar British comedy actors including Ronnie Barker having a pre-Porridge spell behind bars and ultra smooth Patrick Cargill trying to play common. If you must watch a Charlie Drake movie, this is probably the best, but that is not much of a recommendation.

Petticoat Pirates is a perfectly innocuous British comedy completely ruined by the insertion of popular TV comedian Charlie Drake into the action. This was Associated British Picture Corporation's second attempt to propel Drake to movie stardom following the previous year's "Sands of the Desert". This time ABPC were not only filming in colour, but also in CinemaScope (at a time when Rank were only granting their big comedy star Norman Wisdom, massive at the box office, black and white 1.75:1). The plot revolves around a Women's Royal Naval Service base, the chief of which has been lobbying for WRENs to serve at sea (an advanced concept for 1961!). When the admirals refuse, the WREN's take over a frigate one quiet night and put to sea. Surprisingly, the plot does not involve the women being hopeless and having to be rescued by men (although there is a rather patronising sequence involving seasickness) and the results of the WRENs efforts require the admiral to eat his words. Interspersed with this action, in a totally haphazard way, are various scenes with Drake (who's character is imaginatively named Charlie Drake) involving his trademark slapstick and all totally irrelevant to the story. If this had been shot in black and white in the standard ratio it would probably be remembered fondly along with the host of other British comedies of the era, the insertion of Drake, however, kills it stone dead.

This 1964 effort from Jack Cardiff could (with some recasting) have been Monty Python and the Big Bell or Carry on Viking. Glum faced actors mouth woeful dialogue while the action scenes are so stagey and stilted they might as well have left the clapper board at the beginning of each one. All this is accompanied by the most discordant, ghastly "music" score by the justifiably obscure Dusan Radic. The golden bell manages to roll down a cliffside without a scratch or the slightest deformation while clanging all the way (gold is too soft to behave like this). All in all this falls into the category of "has to be seen to be believed".

The dramatic elements of this production were not to bad but it was spoilt by the lack of attention to period detail right from the start. We are shown a robbery in November 1962 at a fairly unconvincing London Airport (complete with CGI piston engined airliner taking off, most airlines were using jets by that time). Unfortunately, both getaway cars have "A" suffix registration plates, not introduced until January 1963. Scenes in London show Ford Zephyrs being used as police cars whereas the Met used Wolseley 6/110s almost exclusively. A senior Detecive Chief Superintendent would not be driven around in an old Mk.1 Jaguar, more likely to have had a Humber Super Snipe. When Reynolds is arrested at the end of part 2, he is taken away in a white Jaguar Mk.2 which has a Webasto sun roof, hardly likely on a police car!

The railway aspects of the production are particularly poor. For a start, the locomotive used is a Class 37, not a class 40 (painting the correct number on the side does not make it a convincing stand in). The production was clearly using a preserved railway which obviously could not provide the correct four track main line (let alone electrification masts and catenary which had been installed but were not yet in use in 1963). The train is shown on what appears to be a two track railway, but is running on the wrong track, in Britain trains run on the left hand line. The ground level signal shown is a shunting signal and would not be found out on the main line. The station sign at "Glasgow" should read Glasgow Central as there were at the time three other Glasgow Termini (St. Enoch, Buchanan Street and Queen Street).

No doubt others might be able to add to the list.

This is a lengthy sanitised version of what actually happened when Walt Disney finally managed to get P.L.Travers to allow him to film Mary Poppins. Tom Hanks' avuncular "Walt Disney" is a long way from the reality of the chain smoking mogul (unsurprisingly). Emma Thompson, as usual, plays Emma Thompson (in the same way that Colin Firth always plays Colin Firth). Nothing wrong with that if your name is John Wayne, but this is supposed to be a character piece. Thompson neither looks or sounds like P.L.Travers and is far too young for the role (Travers was in her early sixties at the time and looked it). As the taped conversations featuring the real Travers over the end credits show, she was far less irascible than the Thompson portrayal. The boring and badly acted "Australian" segments (which look like the wild west complete with American train) are largely irrelevant. The period setting is realised without too many goofs, although the same '57 Ford is seen at least three times and why is Travers shown aboard a BOAC aircraft (correctly) but all reference at LAX (and on her ticket) is to a fictional "British Transatlantic Airways"? This might have made a good ninety minute TV movie, but as it is, unless you are a massive Mary Poppins fan, is not really worth two hours of your time.

As Hollywood recreations of real events go, this is not too bad. Of course liberties have been taken with the facts, but this is inevitable when the events of several years are compressed into a couple of hours. The recreation of racing in the seventies is generally well done but for those who lived through the 1976 season the movie lacks dramatic impact. Hemsworth and Bruhl do a good job as Hunt and Lauda, but the other roles are virtually bit parts. The portrayal of BRM's Louis Stanley (a notorious tyrant) is particularly poor. If you know nothing of seventies racing you may enjoy it, but if you are not a racing fan it probably has little to offer.

After the heights of Zulu, it is astonishing the depths that the producer, director and star of that film sank with this woebegone effort. A random bunch of uninteresting people jump on a small plane in the middle of the night for no rational reason and when it crashes start behaving in irrational ways. The acting is phoned in, the script is dire, the direction almost non-existent and the gratuitous slaughter of the local wildlife leaves a sour taste in the mouth. Nobody could be in the slightest bit interested in the fate of any of these "characters", some of whom just disappear from proceedings with no explanation of their fate. This movie deserves it's obscurity.

Never having seen this before, I recorded it on a recent Film4 broadcast, eliminating the adverts before watching. A good widescreen presentation, and not a bad movie. I had always thought that this was a low budget movie as it was filmed in cheap and cheerful Techniscope (not usually used by the major studios, but with which Universal flirted in the late sixties). On a big cinema screen Techniscope could look pretty awful, but even on a big TV the image quality is not bad. Although not in the same league as the "big" war films, Tobruk is not at all bad, with decent performances from most and good location shooting by Russell Harlan. Easily the worst aspect is Norman Rossington's overplayed comic relief, which seems to have wandered in from a different movie.

I had hazy memories of this movie from TV screenings many years ago. I remembered it as being pretty good, but having recently watched it again on Blu-ray, it is pretty slow and boring. The casting problem which others have mentioned does grate and Wagner's character seems like an idiot. Robbing a bank would be a lot less risky if he was bent on a life of crime. Nobody attempts an authentic accent but Tracy compensates by speaking veeeery slowly and was clearly in no condition to climb a flight of stairs, never mind a mountain. The VistaVision photography is good and the juxtaposition of location and studio footage is well handled but it's all a bit predictable.

I was listening to the England-New Zealand test match on the radio when the former New Zealand cricketer Jeremy Coney mentioned Bob Blair and the Tangiwai train crash. Looking it up on Wikipedia, I discovered that an NZ TV movie had been made of the story. Thanks to the internet I was able to order a copy from a New Zealand retailer. I had no great expectations of a TV movie from the land of sheep, although the efforts of Peter Jackson have obviously raised the profile of NZ film making. I was very pleasantly surprised. The movie is well made, well acted and with more than adequate special effects. Indeed it is surprising that this was not given a theatrical release, at least in it's own country. My only criticism would be the caption at the beginning, telling you what is going to happen, which is unnecessary and detracts from the dramatic impact. While it obviously takes some liberties with the facts it is nevertheless an involving and satisfying movie that deserves a wider audience.

Well, it's not saying much but this a slight improvement on the first reboot. At least the characters develop a sliver of recognisability. The problem, of course, is that we know that the crew will not die, otherwise there couldn't have been an original series, which rather neuters the tension. All thats left is a lot of noisy CGI effects (what happened to those nice quiet phasers). The movie seems to come to a natural conclusion but then carries on for another thirty minutes of headache inducing action as if somebody suddenly realised that they hadn't used all of the CGI budget. As for the title, it's pretty meaningless but I suppose that they couldn't call it Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan II (or is that minus one)

Some people just don't get the Matt Helm movies. They are enjoyable over the top spoofs of the spy genre and would have been as effective if the actors were replaced with Gerry Anderson puppets. Nobody was out for Oscar recognition here, just 100 minutes of enjoyably daft entertainment. Murderers Row seems to be about 50% second unit shooting (with doubles) but is still more enjoyable then any recent Bond film. No gritty realism or stupid back stories here. It could have been improved if the score had been better, too many scenes, especially the car chase, are under scored and the movie does sag a bit in the middle, but overall it is undemanding entertainment if you are in the right mood.

Thanks to Blu-ray, I've been revisiting the Indiana Jones movies and have just sat through The Last Crusade. Now, I never much cared for this when it came out, but how on earth this claptrap can have such a high rating on IMDb is a mystery. Maybe Spielberg was trying to make a "Carry on" film. This could have been titled Abbott and Costello and the Holy Grail, with it's pathetic attempts at humour. Connery is about as convincing as Ford's father as Jessie Royce Landis was as Cary Grant's mother in North by Northwest. And strange though it may seem, in 1938 it was illegal to kill German soldiers in cold blood, which Indiana Jones does with reckless abandon, and without any official sanction (at least James Bond had a licence to kill). Groan inducing scene follows groan inducing scene until the thing grinds to a halt, unfortunately at least forty five minutes too late.

Nice photography, but this is dull stuff. For a start, it is difficult to take seriously when you learn that the family name is Rambeau, (pronounced, of course, Rambo) and that Hudson's character is John Rambo, sorry, Rambeau! In any case it is impossible to have any sympathy with any of the characters is this. How can we give a damn about Hudson's character when he condones intimidation and torture in order to get his way. This whole episode is simply swept under the carpet and we are supposed to care whether Hudson and Simmons get together. I hope this doesn't sound like sour grapes, but the movie is definitely corked.

The usual 21st century Bond demolition derby with lots of ear shattering explosions and general destructive mayhem. The attempts at injecting humour generally fall flat and the villain is more of a puppet than The Hood from "Thunderbirds". Not very exotic locations, all seen at night anyway, Daniel Craig looks more like George Sewell from "Special Branch" than ever and since when have tube trains run on the District Line? (It's a sub surface line and uses normal height rolling stock). The Aston Martin DB5 makes a re-appearance but, as in the Brosnan years, still lacks the revolving number plate box on the front bumper (it has a normal plate screwed to the bumper instead). Oh well, back to the Blu-ray box set!

As with the other Merton Park productions, IMDb has got it wrong in describing these as a "TV series". They were cinema second features produced for Anglo Amalgamated running around 30 minutes and followed the "Scotland Yard" series of shorts also introduced by Edgar Lustgarten. Production was sporadic (presumably filling gaps in the Edgar Wallace schedule), the first three released Nov-Dec 1962, a second batch of three released Sept/Oct 1963, two more in Feb 1965, one in Dec 1965 and a final batch (in colour) Sept 1966 to March 1967. The usual Merton Park recipe of familiar British actors in tightly plotted screenplays (based on real cases) with better than usual B movies production standards. All thirteen have now (Oct 2012) been released on DVD by Network.

William Holden was the biggest male star in Hollywood in the mid fifties after a string of hit movies (Stalag 17, Bridges at Toko Ri, Country Girl, Sabrina, Love is a Many Splendored Thing, Picnic). At the time many of Tinseltown's big names were setting up their own production companies (Bogart's Santana, Wayne's Batjaq, Kirk Douglas' Bryna); Holden also set up his own. "Toward the Unknown" was Toluca Productions only film and if you sit through it you'll know why.

Turgid dialogue mouthed by miscast actors all seemingly off form. Holden plays a burned out ex POW Korean vet who belongs to the please yourself section of the Air Force so turns up unannounced at top secret Edwards Air Force base looking for a ride. Nobody asks to see his orders, just like real life.

Base Commander is Lloyd Nolan, an actor who may be alright as a country lawyer, but not cutting it as a crack test pilot. Nolan turns Holden down as a test pilot as he thinks he will be unreliable, in spite of employing a histrionic recovering alcoholic played by an over acting Murray Hamilton as his top jock. He also employs a lunatic aide who seems to have wandered in from a different movie. Complicating things is Holden's old flame and current beau of Nolan played by Virginia Leith with all the charisma and acting talent of Barbie's ugly sister. Holden shouldn't worry about not getting the hot ships as Nolan seems to do all the flying himself.

There's lots of irrelevant stock footage of nearly everything in the Air Force inventory and it's amazing that the Air Force and Manufacturers cooperated in the making of the movie as nearly every flight seems to end in a crash Even the aircraft are miscast as we are asked to believe that a failed early fifties light bomber (the Martin XB-51) is a hot new fighter. Unfortunately, it's wings are skinned in wet bedsheets but nobody will believe Holden when he tells them. James Garner makes his movie debut as an ill fated pilot but spends most of the time looking bemused as if wondering if the movies are the right way for a grown man to earn a living. This tripe was written by ex pilot Beirne Lay Jr. who had written the much better "Strategic Air Command" the year before. Respected director Mervyn Le Roy seems to have phoned his work in while Holden spends the movie looking as though he wished he was somewhere else.

Life at the Top is not a bad film, but as a sequel there are a few problems, not least of chronology. Many people assume that Room at the Top was set in the year it was made, 1959, particularly as it has been associated with the "angry young man" genre of the late fifties/early sixties. In fact, Room at the Top is set in the early post war years, 1947 or 48. In the film we are told that Joe Lampton is 25 years old and had served in the Second World War. If the action had been taking place in 1959, Lampton would have been only five years old at the outbreak of war! The sequel is set ten years after the first film, which is confirmed by the Lampton's son (with whom Susan was pregnant at the end of Room at the Top) having his tenth birthday during the movie. This means that the sequel should be taking place circa 1958, but Joe Lampton is driving around in a 1965 Jaguar S Type and whilst in London is seen wandering around streets filled with sixties office blocks. But if the action in Room at the Top was ten years earlier than 1965, Lampton would still have been only nine years old at the outbreak of war. The other problem is Jean Simmons playing Susan. Miss Simmons is one of my favourite actresses and gives a good performance in the film, but it is quite impossible to believe that this is the same Susan Brown (as portrayed by Heather Sears) that Lampton married in the first film. People don't change that much in ten years ( I am talking about character, not appearance).