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From the moment I heard the bizarre mix of Irish Macedonian boys to the Russian enchantress of Ms Jolie, I just felt embarrassed for this film. Non of the serious bits of dialogue (which in content themselves don't' score above average) could be taken seriously, not only because I was laughing at the voices but at Colin's 80's Dj hairstyle and the complete wimpy girly "hardmen" hanging around with him. It's hard to imagine an army of thousands of Persians running from a guy who's hair looks like He-Man's or any of his skinny mates in skirts and eye-liner.

The whole gay-thing of Alexander, while maybe historically accurate, is more in the forefront of this movie than an actual plot. Why go conquering? What compelled Alexander to drive into the unknowns of India? The film just tries to cram in to much while one theme which would give it more of a plot.

For plot and acting (apart from Farrell and maybe Jolie) the film scores a cringe-worthy 3-4. However THERE IS A DIAMOND IN THIS ROUGH! THe movie looks amazing. The costumes, the sets but most especially the battles are on a scale that makes TRoy look as dated as Hammer Horror movies. The battles are something else with dust, dirt and blood making them claustraphobically real. The city of Babylon also lights up the screen. For me the battle in India is one of the best I've seen (apart from the mental red tree bit at the end!?) and Alexander's horse dying created the only moment of emotion in the film. Therefore, despite a less than average plot and poor casting outside the leading man, the battles and sets raise the score of this to a fair 6/10.

Ah the joy of a good thriller. spooky moments, making you jump out of your seat, suspense and of course the mind blowing twist at the end. All things that make a thriller right? I challenge anyone in THE UNIVERSE to show me any moment in this movie which fills ANY of those criteria. It is NEVER scary, the suspense lasts as long as a good fart and as for the twist....was that it?!!?! the fact that the twist is actually revealed half an hour before the end (there are no monsters) wastes the final 30 minutes of my life even more than the opening 90. this film is so bad i questioned my desire to ever go the movies again. the main actor gets confined to bed after half an hour after saying less words than a 2 month old baby and the mad cap twist is so not twisted its straight as a ruler.what the hell!!?! mental patients living in a wood? giant area of land where no one ventures, using the monsters to prevent people escaping?!?! rubbish rubbish rubbish. If the story (as the trailers make it seem) did involve J.Phoenix wandering into the woods to challenge the beasts all blair witch style, that would have been scary. if the story was the beasts coming to the town more often, that would be scary. the beasts being real would have been scary. in fact, the smurfs appearing in hockey masks and chainsaws would have been scarier. the director of this movie should be banned from directing ever again and the funding that goes into his projects should be given to ideas by good writers and directors, not mental people who give themselves crazy middle names and write thrillers with no thrill and twist movies without a twist. rubbish 1/10

its easy to see why a lot of people may be offended by this film. After all, it makes fun of black people, Jews, women , Canada, homosexuality, homeless people, fat people and of course Barbara Streisand...miss anything out!!?! yet if you like it you can't help but admit that the movie is comedy genius. The opening 10 minutes had me rolling in the aisles "how would you like to suck my b#lls, Mr garrison?" and the song "its easy mmmmkay" being some of the highlights. the jokes while repetitive (based on swearing or insulting someone) never get old and the genius of ideas such as "operation get behind the darkies" while being offensive are undeniably funny. the only people who would rate this movie any less than at least 7 are the pathetic types who'll say "oh its to vulgar and rude and offensive". thats the point! so if you're someone who can laugh at yourself (which we should all be able to in an un-serious movie such as this) and want to witness some amazing moments of comedy genius than this is for you. special shout out to the creators of south park for the character Eric cartman, the real star of this movie who would be up there on par with homer simpson for all time greatest comedy character if not for his foul mouth and habit of insulting well..everyone! 10/10 from me for all the nights this ones cheered me up with out fail.

diss-a-point-ment. having got myself in the mood for a thriller i was looking forward to a bit of martin sheen and ron perlman following the typical meanders a thriller takes before WHACK! a twist, a conclusion, happy ending........ didn't see much of any of them! martin sheen's talent is wasted on the few scenes as the police chief (a role you could even train a monkey like orlando bloom to play) and if you blink you'll miss perlmans appearance as the killer. the plot line seems so promising but what could have been a darker, spookier and scarier movie ended all to soon. there are moments you prepare to jump out your seat in fright but.....still waiting...oh nothing happened.

the whole feeling of the film is like this is the kind of thing clareece starling (silence of the lambs FBI lady!) solves in her spare time before the big cases come along. in fact, thats a good way of describing this movie, a normal day in the life of an FBI agent, nothing spectacular, nothing new, boring as 9 to 5. see it by all means but as i gave silence of the lambs an 8 id be lying if i gave this anything over 4 and i don't think it deserves that.

3/10

having read some of the comments made by some users im surprised, this film is one of the few decent comedies where if you fancy a chuckle, (but don't want to watch sex crazed teenagers), you'll be sorted. some of the moments are comedy genius and the soundtrack is great while john tavolta and kirsty alley certainly make a good on screen couple (and a baby bruce willis, weird!) it's definately something different and while not in everyones style, its simple and easy so most of us can come from it, not amazed, but at least a little more cheerful.

6/10

i watched this movie on a whim, there was nothing else to watch so i just put it on and expected little. what i got was perhaps the weirdest movie i've ever seen! if the crazy plot or the characters decent into madness doesn't confuse you, the maths jargon certainly will! despite not feeling i'd really got anything out of the film, i had to give it a seven for its bizarrly original plot and the pretty decent acting (for a bunch of unknowns) the policeman who go's insane and the autistic kid are the best performances. most annoying thing however, the end....don't get it...what's it all about! who built it! aaaaaaaahhhh!

the night b4 seeing this movie id seen troy which i thought was amazing, so i was expecting just as much from this equally hyped up disaster movie. one word..Disappointment. bad acting grates you down over the two hours of the tedious plot. the fact that computer graphic wolves (real wolves probably didn't want the role!!)and ice being made into an enemies just to give the film some action after the initial disaster subsides shows just how bad this film is after the first hour or so. at the end of the movie when the dad arrives in new york to rescue the son, its supposed to be "yay he's saved him, it's all OK!" but its more like "now what, the worlds still under ice, where are they going to go!?" the actual scenes of twisters in LA and tidal waves covering NYC are incredible but after this point my only advice is, leave, leave now! you'll see better acting in an episode of playschool. the cringeworthy ending of other survivors (in theory impossible)in NYC/father-son love sum up what is in essence an appaling film.

PLEASE EMMERICH, NO SEQUEL! (the day after next; return of the killer heatwave)?!?!?!?!?.

while not being denzels best movie, i was most impressed by it. the story bears similar traits to old x-files episodes and other movies, all of which were i found quite good. the best thing about this film is certainly its eeeryness. the song the demon likes to sing ("time is on my side") is so freaky when different people start singing it. the scene where the demon rapidly switches from person to person while tormenting denzel washington is one of the cleverest scenes i've seen in any film. however, despite this clever technique and twist at the end, denzels performance is far from his Oscar winning training day effort and non of the other characters/actors particularly stand out which is why i awarded this movie a reasonable 7 out of 10.

SEE THIS MOVIE, ITS CERTAINLY WORTH RENTING, BUT PERHAPS NOT EVERYONE WILL WANT TO BUY IT.

i am a massive fan of movies and have seen more of them than i can even remember. yet despite seeing everything and having one of the largest DVD collections in the land i must say that ALIENS is by far my #1 favourite movie.

the scenery looks futuristic but is dirty and gritty (unlike squeeky clean star trek) which makes the film so believable. cameron keeps the audience in suspense for an hour before unleashing a single alien upon you. after this there's the perfect mix of claustrophobia and shocks that made Ridley Scotts original so good but adds action to the fray to raise the barrier.

the film isn't just guns and monsters though and this is probably the best part. despite contending with aliens the marines have internal problems and worries and the creation of real deep characters in two short hours is genius on camerons behalf.

the only thing that ruins aliens is its sequels (don't get me started on alien resurrection >:-( ), thats how good it is. its got it all, special effects, shocks, action, a little bit of romance and of course the mother of all lines Ripleys "get away from her you .....". a line right up there with a certain line from scarface and a particular bible verse from pulp fiction. 10 out of 10, see it or you'll never see the greatest movie ever!

having read the illiad, aenied and odyssey i went to see troy expecting another piece of classic literature to be ruined by Hollywood. however, from the moment brad pitt appears as achilles i was enthralled with the film and not once during the next two hours or so could i take my eyes from the screen.

pitt's presence is amazing with bana taking what little bit of the screen was left. bloom, who is the most overrated actor of the moment, was perfect as weakling and prettyboy Paris while the rest of the cast make troy a joy to watch. o'toole's priam makes one genuinely sad at times.

despite the battle scenes being a bit rushed and the odd token cheesy line (paris saying "i'll feed us, i'll hunt deer and rabbits" being the one that tickled me most), the one on one battle of achilles and hector is one of the best in recent cinema, right up their with yoda vs dooku! all in all an excellent movie, Hollywood couldn't have ruined this story if they tried and the superb effects,complimented by superb performances by pitt and bana in particular, make this worthy a worthy screen depiction of homers epic.