imdb-4912
Lifetime Total
10+
Lifetime Plot
1+
IMDb Member
19 years
Reviews
Hitman: Agent 47 (2015)
Disappointing
Not much sneaking around here, not much assassination at all. Just gunfights.
Seems mostly like a poor man's John Wick, but where John Wick's moves were magnificient, the moves of this hitman seems pretty basic, and slow, and flashy for no reason. Come on, dude, don't put your arms out on each side and rotate like a corousel, shooting all the bad guys as you spin. Perhaps it looks fancy (?) but it's not a realistic idea that the bad guys all happen to be in exact locations for a gun carousel to be meaningful.
And don't hold your gun with a straight arm, shoot a bad guy, then move your arm by rotating, still straight, to a new shooting position. Retract the arm, rotate to new angle, extend arm. It's more efficient. Not sure my descriptions here are that easy to understand but the main point is that this hitman did not move like an uber-human assassin, more like an actor doing a cool-assassin-photo-shoot.
John Wick was about efficiency more than style. It just so happens that efficiency can look very stylish.
This hitman was some style without the efficiency.
Furthermore there was continuity errors, and bad dialogue. And illogical stuff everywhere. Like the top bad guy telling his underlings "Find the doctor! Do what it takes!" not once, not twice, but at least three times. Come on, dude. Or the bad agent talking in his walkie talkie "I want this building sealed!". It's just not realistic. In the real world you first say who you are, ie who is talking, THEN give the order.
Or what about the bad boss in Singapore or wherever it was getting info that the target are on route to the country. He lifts his phone and goes "They're coming. Scan every entry point." Every entry point? Ok, to the building? To the city? To the country? Come on dude. And scan? What does this mean? How many scans? 3? Sigh. Oh it seems cool maybe, but in the real world people don't delegate in that way... by opening a line and giving a one sentence order, then hanging up. Nothing about it makes sense.
The opening was real cringe. Trying to do a Sarah Connor voiceover. Trying to add a bit of suspense by going "No one had ever imagined that in the end, it would come down to one little girl." Oooh wwoooww so dramatic! Cringe. Show us, don't tell. Something like can work in the end of a movie, not in the beginning.
Sigh I could pick apart every scene in the movie but who's got the time for it? This is just disappointing. I don't know who is to blame, really, but it makes sense to blame the director.
By the way, the switcheroo in the beginning was too predictable, as was everything else in the movie.
Seems mostly like a poor man's John Wick, but where John Wick's moves were magnificient, the moves of this hitman seems pretty basic, and slow, and flashy for no reason. Come on, dude, don't put your arms out on each side and rotate like a corousel, shooting all the bad guys as you spin. Perhaps it looks fancy (?) but it's not a realistic idea that the bad guys all happen to be in exact locations for a gun carousel to be meaningful.
And don't hold your gun with a straight arm, shoot a bad guy, then move your arm by rotating, still straight, to a new shooting position. Retract the arm, rotate to new angle, extend arm. It's more efficient. Not sure my descriptions here are that easy to understand but the main point is that this hitman did not move like an uber-human assassin, more like an actor doing a cool-assassin-photo-shoot.
John Wick was about efficiency more than style. It just so happens that efficiency can look very stylish.
This hitman was some style without the efficiency.
Furthermore there was continuity errors, and bad dialogue. And illogical stuff everywhere. Like the top bad guy telling his underlings "Find the doctor! Do what it takes!" not once, not twice, but at least three times. Come on, dude. Or the bad agent talking in his walkie talkie "I want this building sealed!". It's just not realistic. In the real world you first say who you are, ie who is talking, THEN give the order.
Or what about the bad boss in Singapore or wherever it was getting info that the target are on route to the country. He lifts his phone and goes "They're coming. Scan every entry point." Every entry point? Ok, to the building? To the city? To the country? Come on dude. And scan? What does this mean? How many scans? 3? Sigh. Oh it seems cool maybe, but in the real world people don't delegate in that way... by opening a line and giving a one sentence order, then hanging up. Nothing about it makes sense.
The opening was real cringe. Trying to do a Sarah Connor voiceover. Trying to add a bit of suspense by going "No one had ever imagined that in the end, it would come down to one little girl." Oooh wwoooww so dramatic! Cringe. Show us, don't tell. Something like can work in the end of a movie, not in the beginning.
Sigh I could pick apart every scene in the movie but who's got the time for it? This is just disappointing. I don't know who is to blame, really, but it makes sense to blame the director.
By the way, the switcheroo in the beginning was too predictable, as was everything else in the movie.
The Cloverfield Paradox (2018)
Garbage
As per usual (see Prometheus), the group of scientists, supposedly some of the smartest people in the room, are all acting like idiots, because the script writers are not the smartest people in the room, far from it.
A room full of water would not be instantly froxen even in -273 degrees. Please.
You would not mix languages in a spaceship. Sure, it's cool to have a Japanese woman and pretend all the others are so smart that they understand her, but in the real world it would never happen. Risk too high. A minor mis-interpretation could have a disastrous result.
"According to quantum entanglement if we do it again it will return everything to normal." No. No. No. No. No. What? No. What the hell are you talking about? No. Dear god. What? No. Please. NO! I can't even being to decipher the stupidity of that statement. I would need to write a minor novel about it so I'm not even gonna start. "Just say something about quantum physics, people don't understand it and we can pretend it makes sense!" - the thought process of the writers
A mission critical item such as "the gyro" (what?) would have been redundant ie they would have two of them.
The plot about the husband and the injured child was completely pointless and boring.
I like the idea of it all, but a cool idea doesn't make a movie. You need competent people to make a movie. But I'm gonna give it a 3 for the idea.
A room full of water would not be instantly froxen even in -273 degrees. Please.
You would not mix languages in a spaceship. Sure, it's cool to have a Japanese woman and pretend all the others are so smart that they understand her, but in the real world it would never happen. Risk too high. A minor mis-interpretation could have a disastrous result.
"According to quantum entanglement if we do it again it will return everything to normal." No. No. No. No. No. What? No. What the hell are you talking about? No. Dear god. What? No. Please. NO! I can't even being to decipher the stupidity of that statement. I would need to write a minor novel about it so I'm not even gonna start. "Just say something about quantum physics, people don't understand it and we can pretend it makes sense!" - the thought process of the writers
A mission critical item such as "the gyro" (what?) would have been redundant ie they would have two of them.
The plot about the husband and the injured child was completely pointless and boring.
I like the idea of it all, but a cool idea doesn't make a movie. You need competent people to make a movie. But I'm gonna give it a 3 for the idea.
The Imperfects (2022)
Another run of the mill YA show
I tried to watch it with an open mind. I did. Bujt it was just too bad. Had to turn it off.
Bad dialogue, bad acting, bad plot.
It starts off with a peek into a future scene, then half of the first episode is a flashback until we got to that scene. Pet peeve of mine. Lazy writing. But fine, I'll allow it if the rest is good. But this isn't good.
Like in ep 1 they kill a guy who was attacking them. And what do they do? They take his body and perform an autopsy of him.
"We should call the police, that's what normal people do" "We're not normal people anymore..."
Ok, so becuase you're genetically modified to have hyperactive phoremones the right thing to do is take those you kill and perform autopsies on them?
I bet that makes total sense in the writer's mind.
It's stuff like this that says that this script should've been worked on a bit longer before being rushed into production.
Or preferably, do not work on it and do something worthwhile instead.
Bad dialogue, bad acting, bad plot.
It starts off with a peek into a future scene, then half of the first episode is a flashback until we got to that scene. Pet peeve of mine. Lazy writing. But fine, I'll allow it if the rest is good. But this isn't good.
Like in ep 1 they kill a guy who was attacking them. And what do they do? They take his body and perform an autopsy of him.
"We should call the police, that's what normal people do" "We're not normal people anymore..."
Ok, so becuase you're genetically modified to have hyperactive phoremones the right thing to do is take those you kill and perform autopsies on them?
I bet that makes total sense in the writer's mind.
It's stuff like this that says that this script should've been worked on a bit longer before being rushed into production.
Or preferably, do not work on it and do something worthwhile instead.
Don't Look Up (2021)
Frustrating
You know that annoying trope in horror movies when kids notice something weird and try to tell the adults about it but no one believes them because they're kids? And you feel so frustrated, why don't then believe them? Or why can't the kids explain it better?
Know what I mean? That annoying, frustrating feeling?
Let's make a whole movie like that! Fun, huh?
No, it's not.
Know what I mean? That annoying, frustrating feeling?
Let's make a whole movie like that! Fun, huh?
No, it's not.
Living Among Us (2018)
Bad acting and dialogue
I only watched 15 minutes of this but that was enough. The acting was bad, but I don't blame the actors, the director lacked the experience to direct the actors. When the acting is this bad, when the dialogue is this convoluted... it's the director's job to say "CUT!" and then instruct the actors and do another take. I can't watch any more of this.
The Old Guard (2020)
Silly dialogue
The silly, unlikely dialogue bothers me in this movie.
The main character starts off like a real Debbie Downer, feeling sad because the world "is not getting better, it's getting worse" despite all that she's doing. So she gets upset. "The world can burn for all I care!"
What an interesting and likeable character, eh? But we all know, of course, that she will change her tune and restore her faith in humanity before this is all over, don't we? So clichée...
The things she talks about is philosophy on the level of a five-year old, unable to comprehend that small actions like helping rescue some kidnapped children didn't magically transform the whole world into a magical Paradise. Grow up and learn how stuff and people work.
People are going to do bad things. I think that even a child can understand that. If she thinks that all people will just decide to be GOOD because she offs some dictator or whatever, she is delusional.
No real person would talk or think like that. But a bad scipt writer could very well believe that it's an interesting perspective....
Another example if the new immortal, when she finds out what's going on she goes "I don't want this. Any of this. There's no good thing in any of this."
No? Really? Instant healing? Immortality?
It's ridiculous. A real person would not react like that. But a person in a bad script would.
And Copley having a sudden relevation and turning good. Unlikely. Silly. So clichée.
Anyways. It was a good premise. Decent action. Imagine what it could've been with an intelligent script!
The main character starts off like a real Debbie Downer, feeling sad because the world "is not getting better, it's getting worse" despite all that she's doing. So she gets upset. "The world can burn for all I care!"
What an interesting and likeable character, eh? But we all know, of course, that she will change her tune and restore her faith in humanity before this is all over, don't we? So clichée...
The things she talks about is philosophy on the level of a five-year old, unable to comprehend that small actions like helping rescue some kidnapped children didn't magically transform the whole world into a magical Paradise. Grow up and learn how stuff and people work.
People are going to do bad things. I think that even a child can understand that. If she thinks that all people will just decide to be GOOD because she offs some dictator or whatever, she is delusional.
No real person would talk or think like that. But a bad scipt writer could very well believe that it's an interesting perspective....
Another example if the new immortal, when she finds out what's going on she goes "I don't want this. Any of this. There's no good thing in any of this."
No? Really? Instant healing? Immortality?
It's ridiculous. A real person would not react like that. But a person in a bad script would.
And Copley having a sudden relevation and turning good. Unlikely. Silly. So clichée.
Anyways. It was a good premise. Decent action. Imagine what it could've been with an intelligent script!
Lost in Space (2018)
The creators should be ashamed of themselves.
I read some bad reviews, and some good, but I wanted to see for myself, so I gave it a try.
10 minutes in and I'm already kind of annoyed. The mother just took off her helmet before they had any chance to test the atmosphere on the planet they landed on. She knew it was safe because she noticed a leak in her husbands suit."If the air was toxic you would have been dead by now". Yeah, because that's how stuff works. All kinds of nasty atmospherical issues reveal themselves by killing you in a few minutes, no matter what subject, no matter what concentration. It kills you in a few minutes. It's either that or it's perfectly healthu to breath. No middle ground folks. The more you know. Damn it, I'm getting angry again writing this.
And the kids are apparently supposed to be very intelligent, as it's showcased in the most obvious and stupid ways. Such as one kid winning a card game by counting cards. "So what, I don't know why everyone isn't doing it". Intelligent enough to count cards but not intelligent enough to understand that everyone else isn't capable of doind it? Right.
This is what happens when stupid people write dialog for intelligent people. It never works. Intelligent people can write for stupid people, but you can't write upwards.
And of course, we get a black adopted girl, for diversification. Blackwashing is beyond pathetic. Please tell us more about what is good and what is bad in the world, oh wise Hollywood people.
And that business with her in the ice. None of it made any sense. The whole lake is frozen in 10 seconds, then the father melts some of it with magnesium. And it stays as water, doesn't freeze again. Because that makes sense? Then the robot comes and holds his hands over her, melting all the ice from head to toe in a couple of seconds. And she doesn't burn to ash. Because that is how melting ice works. Argh this is infuriating.
Yeah I get it, it's for kids. But you had the chance to actually teach the kids something, instead you're filling their head with stupid garbage. Just because.
I've had enough. I'm stopping here.
The creators should be ashamed of themselves.
I am not going to give this a better score because the CGI was good. That kind of scoring is misleading.
And the kids are apparently supposed to be very intelligent, as it's showcased in the most obvious and stupid ways. Such as one kid winning a card game by counting cards. "So what, I don't know why everyone isn't doing it". Intelligent enough to count cards but not intelligent enough to understand that everyone else isn't capable of doind it? Right.
This is what happens when stupid people write dialog for intelligent people. It never works. Intelligent people can write for stupid people, but you can't write upwards.
And of course, we get a black adopted girl, for diversification. Blackwashing is beyond pathetic. Please tell us more about what is good and what is bad in the world, oh wise Hollywood people.
And that business with her in the ice. None of it made any sense. The whole lake is frozen in 10 seconds, then the father melts some of it with magnesium. And it stays as water, doesn't freeze again. Because that makes sense? Then the robot comes and holds his hands over her, melting all the ice from head to toe in a couple of seconds. And she doesn't burn to ash. Because that is how melting ice works. Argh this is infuriating.
Yeah I get it, it's for kids. But you had the chance to actually teach the kids something, instead you're filling their head with stupid garbage. Just because.
I've had enough. I'm stopping here.
The creators should be ashamed of themselves.
I am not going to give this a better score because the CGI was good. That kind of scoring is misleading.
Replicas (2018)
Worst movie of 2018?
Keany, Keanu.... you're awesome! So why do you make movies like these? Didn't you know? Didn't you read the script? Half of it makes no sense, and the other half is just stupid. The effects are incredibly bad, especially the robot. So bad I can't believe it. No VFX budget, eh?
But the story is the worst. Faulty logic, stupid desicions. Inconsistencies. Who wrote this? There are SO many good writers out there, and SO much good material. Why make a movie of this nonsense?
Thirst (2015)
I wanted it to be good...
.. but it wasn't. It was awful. Sucky CGI ruined it. Seriously, you can't make a movie nowadays with that kind of CGI. Go for puppets instead, it will look better.
Mayhem (2017)
Well, this was a pleasant surprise....
I had no expectations really. I am a fan of the main actor since Walking Dead but that's it.
This was a very fun ride! Great story, great acting, great camerawork and directing.
I don't have much more to say, really...
This was a very fun ride! Great story, great acting, great camerawork and directing.
I don't have much more to say, really...
Jeepers Creepers 3 (2017)
Surprising
I liked the first JC, and I loved the second one, and I've been waiting for a continuation ever since.
And they release this joke of a movie?
I am flabbergasted. I haven't seen anything like it. The production value of this garbage is through the floor. The editing, the cutting, the effects.. the continuity.. even the worst of the worst B horror movies are better than this. I'm not even going to try to describe the awfulness, I wouldn't know where to start.
How was this allowed? Who spent money on this?
They don't even let the actors finish their sentences before cutting abruptly to the next scene. Didn't anyone watch the finished movie before sending it off to the DVD pressing? Why didn't anyone say "Stop! We can't do this! It's utter crap!" ?
Most of the blame should be placed on the director. But there were so many other people involved in making this movie. Someone should have spoken up.
The only good thing about this movie is that it apparently happens between the first and the second one (and which year is that, exactly?) so there's still the chance to create a real JC3 by continuing from the second one. But please get a new director.
I am not really devastated. I was happy and excited for a third JC, but I've been disappointed so much lately that I wasn't really expecting to blown away.
So now I'm just ... surprised. What the heck did I just watch?
And they release this joke of a movie?
I am flabbergasted. I haven't seen anything like it. The production value of this garbage is through the floor. The editing, the cutting, the effects.. the continuity.. even the worst of the worst B horror movies are better than this. I'm not even going to try to describe the awfulness, I wouldn't know where to start.
How was this allowed? Who spent money on this?
They don't even let the actors finish their sentences before cutting abruptly to the next scene. Didn't anyone watch the finished movie before sending it off to the DVD pressing? Why didn't anyone say "Stop! We can't do this! It's utter crap!" ?
Most of the blame should be placed on the director. But there were so many other people involved in making this movie. Someone should have spoken up.
The only good thing about this movie is that it apparently happens between the first and the second one (and which year is that, exactly?) so there's still the chance to create a real JC3 by continuing from the second one. But please get a new director.
I am not really devastated. I was happy and excited for a third JC, but I've been disappointed so much lately that I wasn't really expecting to blown away.
So now I'm just ... surprised. What the heck did I just watch?
Diary of the Dead (2007)
Disappointed.
Well, seems like Romero has lost his touch. This just didn't work. Poor acting, poor directing. The dialog was really unlikely and full of clichés. Corny where it shouldn't be. Serious when it can't be taken seriously. Trying to be philosophical even. Come on, no one is buying that, because you're not taking this seriously at all, Romero. People don't talk like that, or act like that. Like that jump scare in the beginning, the guy knocks on the door to his girlfriends dorm room, the next second she opens it and tries to bash his head in, but she manages to stop her swing before his brains is on the floor and starts hugging him. So what, she just happened to stand by the door with a heavy object in hand, then she heard a knock and thought the best course of action was to open the door and bash who or whatever was on the other side, knowing very well it could be a live person and she would be a murderer? It's just... stupid. People don't do that. This is like.. an old man's distorted view of how young folks talk and act. And it just doesn't fit. Can't waste my time with this.
Limitless (2015)
The movie was a tough act to follow
Still, you could have tried.
For a drug that makes you incredibly intelligent, Brian is doing very poorly.
I don't get it. Even I, a person of somewhat above average intelligence, can easily figure do better than Brian. Sure, I can't learn a language in a day, or analyze thousands of small pieces of information and find a pattern etc... but is that all that intelligence is?
The first thing Brian should have done is MAKE A PLAN. Make several plans! Make a plan B.
What's he doing instead? Playing games!! Being silly! Playing detective. Solving murders that no one gives cares about. You're not a detective, Brian! You're a genius! Do something, anything!! Stop being a tool! Stop being a dummy!
PS! Seriously, IMDb, I can't write the sh*t word?? Are you little babies?
For a drug that makes you incredibly intelligent, Brian is doing very poorly.
I don't get it. Even I, a person of somewhat above average intelligence, can easily figure do better than Brian. Sure, I can't learn a language in a day, or analyze thousands of small pieces of information and find a pattern etc... but is that all that intelligence is?
The first thing Brian should have done is MAKE A PLAN. Make several plans! Make a plan B.
- How to get rid of the FBI - How to get rid of Morra, I mean, he must have figured out that it won't end well? - How to secure some resources, and a safe place (where Sands can't just walk in any time he pleases) - How to secure access to NZT and the antidote
What's he doing instead? Playing games!! Being silly! Playing detective. Solving murders that no one gives cares about. You're not a detective, Brian! You're a genius! Do something, anything!! Stop being a tool! Stop being a dummy!
PS! Seriously, IMDb, I can't write the sh*t word?? Are you little babies?
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
Quite a bit over the top
I wanted to like this movie. And I did, to an extent. But in the end it was just... too much. Too improbable. Too impossible. The amount of weird, twisted, gory and slimy characters hiding out in that dump, above and underground. No. It just breaks the immersion. And the doctor hanging from those strings like a puppet. Please. Oh I can believe a crazy redneck family of two, but this... no. Sorry. Every scene, every word, every character designed to be as weird and twisted as possible. Yeah that's real believable. Oh I am sure it was fun to make, fun to think of all the crazy stuff, but it just makes no sense. For example, after the funeral scene, all the weirdos in the water, grabbing the guy and then all simultaneously sinking down back into the water and disappearing. Did they practice that move a lot?
Dark Moon Rising (2015)
Disappointed.
I was tricked into watching this one due to the relatively high IMDb rating. It must have been manipulated. I saw five minutes of the movie, then turned it off. I never do that. I love B-horror. But this... this is just garbage. Crappy effects, crappy acting, crappy directing, crappy editing, crappy everything. Do yourself a favour and stay far away from this one. I never write IMDb reviews either, by the way, but I just had to warn the rest of you from making my mistake, spending time and money on nothing. Too bad. I was really looking forward to some werewolf action. There are too few good werewolf flicks. Guess I will have to re-watch Dog Soldiers instead.
The Purge (2013)
Don't watch this movie!
It's just beyond ridiculous. I won't mention anything about the horrible dialog och plot holes as others have done that already. I'll just say that I find the utter lack of realism in this movie to be disturbing. It's supposed to be set in 2022, 9 years from now. As if thatäs even remotely possible.
SPOILER BELOW (doesn't matter though, you shouldn't watch the movie)
They want us to believe that these well-behaved upper-class neighbours would gang together, enter the house of the heroes for the purpose of KILLING the entire family including their CHILDREN. Why? Hold on to your hats... Because hero dad had made so much money selling security systems to the neighbours! So they're jealous.
That will happen. In nine years.
Also these upper-class neighbours keep saying things like "Thank you for your sacrifice! Thank you for keeping this country safe!" (as in, when the family is dead there will be no need for violence on any of the other days).
The logic makes no sense what so ever. Oh god it's so sucky. Why did I watch this????
SPOILER BELOW (doesn't matter though, you shouldn't watch the movie)
They want us to believe that these well-behaved upper-class neighbours would gang together, enter the house of the heroes for the purpose of KILLING the entire family including their CHILDREN. Why? Hold on to your hats... Because hero dad had made so much money selling security systems to the neighbours! So they're jealous.
That will happen. In nine years.
Also these upper-class neighbours keep saying things like "Thank you for your sacrifice! Thank you for keeping this country safe!" (as in, when the family is dead there will be no need for violence on any of the other days).
The logic makes no sense what so ever. Oh god it's so sucky. Why did I watch this????