jcallender121

I don't know what Universe this wheely bin of a film is set in but I've never been so confused in my life. I love crap horror films but I think this tragedy was taking itself seriously! Everything and I mean everything about this skid-mark of a movie is thoroughly frightful, the characters are hateful vomiting out absolute nonsense, when you can actually hear them because the sound seems to have been recorded in 1974 and the story was obviously crayoned on a nursery wall, then simplified and stolen by the writers. The only hope I was loosely holding onto was a heroic hound called Larry who was being set up throughout to save the day,,, but they even ruined that, I wont attempt to describe it because I'm not sure it actually happened, and there's no way I'm watching that again to find out.

Absolutely ghastly, has no-one involved in this film seen the other three, The Creeper isn't a hand fed pet you can appease with teenage sacrifices, he also isn't a disease that can be passed on to try and squeeze out another sequel. Please, please stop taking loved and established characters and ruining them with crazy new twists. "Prey" is a perfect example of how to flesh out a well known subject, this debacle is an example of how to glue it to a carpet then run a lawnmower over it. I will warn any fans to avoid this even though I know you won't, because I watched it in the faint hope everyone was wrong, they're not, this is thoroughly crap, a money grab using someone else's original idea and talent.

Who's the angst ridden, posing, floppy haired sap in the cape?, because it sure isn't Batman. What were they trying to do here?. The whole film, almost 3 hours of it, is mushy, childlike over simplified nonsense. The only recognizable character is Gordon, and he looked embarrassed to be there. More emphasis is placed on Batman being a rogue detective as opposed to the Superhero of the Dark Knight series, but he is spoon fed the easiest questions since Adam had to pick what he likes in a woman!! It's all Art House show and no substance, Gotham just felt fake and empty, as if some Hollywood lovies had taken it over to shoot a film.

This was most definitely an experience,, I can honestly say I've never witnessed something of such biblical crapness, galactic awfulness, and dare I venture airtight buffoonery that made me smile as much as I did watching this film. There's no point wailing on about the acting or special effects because the budget obviously didn't show up for work, it's the complete lack of effort in every department that really shines through, but in a hilarious way whether intended or not. For example they try to portray a Hammer esque vibe with Oldy World references, castles, mad scientists, simple villagers etc but no attempt whatsoever is made to put this on film. Our heroines find themselves stranded at an old stately house inhabited by a wealth recluse with a disfigured companion, which is actually a 2 bed semi with a fat bloke and a grimacing woman. They have simple meals prepared because there's no electricity so far from civilization, yet there's a flamin TV on the wall and light switches in every room, it's obviously just a house, we know this and so do they but they just rumble on regardless. I sort of liked the brute force and ignorance approach after I got used to it, if you go into this expecting absolutely nothing then you might have a laugh like I did, just don't blame me if you see it for what it actually is, the purest ever form of unadulterated nonsense.

This took me completely by surprise, I thought it was another cheap, lashed together pop-tart film but it really isn't. You might try and take a message away with you about the transparent riches, fakery and quest to be loved of todays social media circus but that's just a by-line of this film. The lunacy and brutality contained in such a basic story is fantastic, you really need to be awake because truly laugh out lines and moments are just tossed around without the usual build up to hammer the comedy home, which shows a real confidence very seldom seen. It's not often that I get totally immersed in such a simple film but the absurdity of the characters and lovable madness that unfolds had me grinning like a cat sleeping on a dog.

Is someone having a bit of a laugh and a joke!. It looked like Michael, walked like Michael and killed like Michael but it wasn't the big Fella. Michael Myres doesn't position bodies in dramatic poses for effect and he certainly wouldn't put on records after the slaughtering. This looks and feels so much like a proper early Halloween film but it so isn't, for a start they've filled the whole town with the nitwits who bought all the toilet roll at the start of the Covid pandemic, stirred them up into a frenzy and got them to chant "evil dies tonight" every chance they get. This gets annoying really fast and cumulates in them chasing a little fat guy through the hospital to his death thinking he's Michael!!. I was groaning more than Pavarotti's pie shelf. The film tries too hard to look into the human soul with statements like "we're the true monsters", and "evil grows in our fear" getting spewed out left and right. Stop trying to be clever with Michael Myres, hes' a 7ft, indestructible unit with a knife, therapy groups and rosary beads will do you very little if any good if he takes a hold of you down a dark alley. The lad Voorhees will pee himself laughing when he sees this mushy tripe.

I'm lost for words, I settled in for what I thought was a by the book Crap Creature film, instead I sat with glazed eyes not knowing whether to laugh, cry or stab myself to death with a tomato!. Nothing makes any sense at all, no-one does anything remotely plausible, the Police make Chief Wiggum look like Columbo and the creature(which is passable, even though it's never explained why it has arms and legs), goes through the whole film trying to be a werewolf, then suddenly grows to the size of a house at the end,,,,then explodes!!, sorry what!!. I feel bad marking it so low because someone has really tried in some areas, but the direction given to the cast and the tsunami of diarrhoea that comes out of their mouths is by far the most horrific part of the whole film. All in all a missed opportunity.

This is a great little, clean as a whistle no nonsense survival horror type situation. Ancient Good and Evil clash in the woods and some better than usual mooks get caught up in the carnage. There's a grizzled geezer with an eyepatch, know it all locals who are seemingly quite happy to let the slaughter unfold after the usual warning to the city slickers, Wendigo monsters spilling out of every dark corner they can find, and The Big Lad is cast in an almost cameo role as a good guy, brilliant. Shadows and light are used very effectively, if a snifter too often, to get you squinting into the screen, setting you up for the jump scare but it's done really well and gives the whole film a creepy vibe right from the beginning to the slightly drawn out ending, small complaint. If you just want to sit back and be scared for a while this is your boy, let the glowing eyes and growling suck you in to the darkness and even though you know the "yaaaahhh!!" is coming, indulge it like I did and you'll have a great time.

Dont be dissuaded by the low scores, this film is absolutely smashing. The gormless but gutsy heroine stumbles her way through a script so thin Stevie Wonder could see through it at night. The nonsense, sorry, action starts when she gets her foot trapped under a car after crashing in the woods and fixates on moving the car rather than digging away the soft ground around her foot,, but that's nothing, nothing compared to what follows. The Grandfather of all Crap Creatures is stalking her, a creature so biblically crap I'd bet even it doesn't know what its meant to be, at a guess I'd say Oscar the Grouch after a week long session on the Buckfast. There's a shower of truly rubbish baddies chasing after the mysterious briefcase handcuffed to her wrist for reasons never explained or even hinted at, there's even a token random rambler with a beard and wooly hat who finds her, lamps her with a tree branch and tries to steal the case, only to be set upon by Oscar the Were-Whatever!!, and throughout all of this everyone keeps a straight face. This film has been made with a tongue the size of Godzillas slippers firmly in it's cheek and should be applauded. I imagine the crew had a blast making this film and I for one appreciate the effort. I would have marked it higher but trust me it's not for everyone, if you don't have a sense of humour you'll hate it.

When are they going to stop making this chuffing film. This lot didn't even try, they just filmed themselves camping beside Loch Ness, talking about Paranormal Portals that spit out werewolves ghosts and aliens, wandering around with a Poundland EMF meter and eventually, seemingly days after I started watching they get banjoed one at a time by McBigfoot, until the nerve shredding finale where the last remaining "foodbag" gets dragged off camera into the now mandatory 'Sierra Sounds' soundtrack. Setting this in Scotland removes all the mysticism surrounding Bigfoot, giving him ginger hair and a kilt is right up there with fitting a sunroof to a submarine. Can't wait for the sequal, where our shower of neckrests go in search of The Giant Ice Beaver of The Sahara. Absolute mince.

Whether by design or by accident this film has pooled all the elements together of a great little Crap Creature film. Some shaved down teenage monkeys go into the woods, a grizzled old nitwit mumbles a warning they ignore completely which leads them to locking horns with a giant peeved halibut that outwits them at every turn, what's not to like. Don't expect cutting edge CGI or Oscar performances, it's disposables getting mugged by a fish, a big rubber fish with Gonk eyes, so don't moan about it looking rubbish because it could just as easy have been a tin of mackerel with a mean streak. Idiots getting done in by a Crap Creature is always entertaining, and this film gets the balance just right.

This absolute Smack in the Teeth of a film, and I use the word film very grudgingly, never ever made it to release in this timeline. Somehow another universe, teeming with hairy knuckled, window licking nincompoops flicked against ours and this debacle was farted into existence. I can't even sick up enough words to describe it to you,,, an estimated budget of $280,000,, I can only assume one of the crew paid $279,990 for a coffee and they shot the "film" on what was left. I'm away to blast myself in the face with a big stick, it'll be a step up after watching that.

Who in the name of Kylies Hotpants thought this was a film, really!!!, i mean really!!, if i tipped a tin of Alpabetti Spagetti in front of a dyslexic i'd get more sense. I try to look for a glimmer of hope in every film I watch but this was the equivalent of getting an arrow through the neck and finding an electric bill hanging from it. Gargage.

The headline sums up my thoughts on this "yet another low budget Bigfoot film". There is a story in here, but lifting it from the script to the screen is often done clumsily, which is the case here. The hero's wife suffers from depression so he takes her camping to try to help matters, she tells him the marriage isn't working and she wants to be alone, by the time he's walked six feet away and turned back the Big Lad has snatched her and made off, in broad daylight through fairly sparse woods,, well she did ask. That pretty much sets the tone for the whole film, the husband starts drinking seeking answers and revenge, so you never see him without a hipflask and his house is carpeted with beer cans, there's a townhall meeting about Bigfoot for a T.V show(ahem!), the Sierra Sounds are thrown in now and then, there's wood knocks, tree structures, rock throwing,, you know the score. There's nothing really new here but that's ok, I've got socks as old as this story but they still work, and so does this film. If you don't mind holes in your socks you'll enjoy this for what it is, an easy watch with a mystical companion.

After coming to terms with the hammy Cluedo acting and embracing it as part of this films ample charms I didn't want it to end. When you get past the flamboyant performances which will irritate you in the beginning you find yourself totally immersed in Snow Hollow and the grisly murder spree taking place. There's a hint of Fargo and a sprinkle of X Files all stirred in together to make a great little horror/mystery that had me guessing right up to the brilliant ending. The compact setting of a frozen small town suited the characters and killings perfectly, the Werewolf was done brilliantly as well, not just some tall bloke in a furry suit,,, pull the curtains and switch off the lights, don't over analyze the dialogue or characters and you'll have a great time.

"Scooby Dooby Doo, where are you?",, I'll tell you where he is, he's on the blower to his lawyer telling him somebody's ripped off his show, that's where he is!. Some pesky meddling kids on a bus get hijacked by a toothless nitwit, they end up in an abandoned military installation and get set upon by an alien/human hybrid sort of fella with a grey mullet and a bong eye. And that's when the gang get mad!!, instead of just running away, having every opportunity to do so, they decide to find and kill the creature to avenge one of it's previous victims, who they find out about through the journal,,,, I'll stop there with the spoilers because although I sound like I'm having a pop this film is worth a watch, even if the only shock it gave me was that the Park Ranger didn't get unmasked as the baddie at the end.

I had high hopes for this, and although they weren't dashed they did get tested. First off the werewolves, they could have been decently menacing if they hadn't fallen into the old trap of aimlessly pawing fresh air pretending to be vicious animals, my cat waits, paws you and draws blood instantly, she doesn't wave her "arms" around like she's backing a truck into a side street, and yes, although looking the part the werewolves are in fact crap. Not as crap as some creatures I have watched recently, and given this film leans heavily in the comedy direction that can be forgiven. Speaking of the comedy element there are some truly laugh out loud moments, albeit with a few lifted straight from other films but who cares, funny is funny. All in all I liked this, there are holes to be picked and it gets a bit farcical at times but there's love and effort been poured into it and it shows, give it a go one dark night.

Films like these walk a fine line. You've seen it countless times before but if it's interesting and believable then you watch it again, and this one is. Old story, two girls stranded in woods with a crap creature, but these two make reasonably sensible decisions and give the impression they'll hold their own against Old Slowpoke, with his bigass rubbery hands, salivating jaws, wristwatch and permed hair. OK he's not that bad but the budget obviously isn't Hollywood. That doesn't matter though, creatures are scarier when you can't see them but know they're coming, especially crap creatures, give this a go, you'll like it.

Where to begin?,,,,the film is meant to be about 6 friends who go missing in the woods, only they don't, they all die in a house, killed by an ironing board with a wolf's head glued to it and some David Bowie impersonators, that's how muddled this film is, it doesn't even keep to it's own synopsis. I should explain, one of the friends shoots an empty gorilla costume when they're out in the woods, all 6 of them mistake it for Bigfoot, (I know!!), and they decide to strap it to the roof of the car and take it home in case they get into trouble, (I know, I know!!). The gorilla suit then comes back to life, turns into the ironing board with the wolf's head glued to it, calls some of his pals who like to dress as David Bowie and they kill the hikers, who aren't hikers now because they're in a house, i think. One particularly harrowing scene has one of the hikers (housemates) hiding from the ironing board in the cupboard under the sink,,,, never thought i'd ever say that, the cupboard door is hanging open and the creature takes a full minute to find him!!. I love crap creatures, but a hairy ironing board that can't find a grown man in a kitchen cupboard is just taking the pi$s. As for all the David Bowies, answers on a postcard.

This should have been so good, the amount of material to draw from is endless, but the frail old man depicted here isn't Jean Luc Picard, an Enterprise Captain, a superhero, no, he's shown as a dithering weakling. Kirk was seen smacking Romulans in the teeth well into his old age, Janeway travelled through time to save her crew, so why is Picard left to rot in this nonsense. This isn't Star Trek, it's a mediocre sci-fi series with Picard tacked on.

This is a very difficult show to rate, it's a sort of poor man's X-Files, and when I say poor I mean not a pot to pi$s in. Each episode is a mini story involving The Beast of Boggy Creek,(should be a winning formula), getting into various larks and scrapes in and around the Creek. On his size 30 tracks are the American Yeti Project, a pair of gormless nincompoops who couldn't find sand on a beach, believe everything and question nothing, no matter how ludicrous the situation. Everything about this show seems conflicted, the stories are childlike yet there's a smattering of gore, the acting is class leadingly awful but the sweeping views and cut scenes are incredibly beautiful,,, I can only assume Amazon threw money at the production team and then hired a pineapple to write the script. To sum up I liked it enough to watch the whole series, but I do love a rubbish creature, if you don't expect too much and don't take it seriously it does have it's moments, but you can say that about getting your nose caught in a fan..

,,,,except the grizzled hunter who seemed to have walked in from another film set by mistake, very peculiar, but fair enough. I liked this, it's comfortingly familiar without being too obvious. I'm not really a witchy type of film fan, preferring big psycho units and hairy things but right from the start I knew I would like the time spent in these woods. I'm not too sure what actually happened, that's not saying the films a mess because it isn't, it's just that none of them seem to know anything, especially the hunter swanning about killing random animals, he's probably still out there clubbing beavers to death.

This film is strictly by the numbers, and you will have seen it before a few times, everyone does their best on a micro budget and,,,,,, actually it's garbage, Betsy the werewolf runs around with her boobs hanging out of a cardigan snarling through plastic fangs. I sort of enjoyed it by the end after almost switching it off a few times, there is a glimmer of talent hanging around somewhere in there but it's buried under the usual layers of nervous acting , predictability and lack of sparkle, apart from the whole cardigan/boobs shenanigans. If you're in the right mood it's not the worst film you'll see but it's not far off,, except for the werewolf wearing a cardigan with her boobs hanging out, did I mention that?!!.

I loved this, it's a very, very British comedy/horror, leaning way more in the comedy direction. There's not an ounce of fat anywhere in the 80 mins, the story is tighter than The Hulks speedos, every line, scene and expression has purpose and adds to the whole. The stand out for me was the hapless D.I, played by Pablo Raybould, who also wrote and directed, a fact that usually doesn't mean much to me but on this occasion I thought deserved a mention. The icing on the already sugar laden cake is the Werewolf in London references, very blatant and in no way looking for comparisons, more a doff of the cap I think. Don't let the cover fool you, this isn't a horror film, it's a fangtastically (sorry), funny movie with a werewolf in it.

Very middle of the road, nothing really wrong to moan about, production, acting, creatures are all done well, the story is old but with a twist that I for one thought was quite original, but nothing catches your eye. I just thought there's something missing, like a cheese sandwich without the pickle. By all means give it a look just be warned it's much more VanDamme than Bruce Lee.