CelluloidCorsair
Lifetime Total
10+
Lifetime Filmo
1+
Lifetime Image
1+
IMDb Member
9 years
Reviews
Hunt for the Skinwalker (2018)
Narrator: "Frequently things would happen just off camera"
Tedious documentary about a group paid by a very rich guy to investigate reports of spooky goings-on at a Utah ranch which he owned for some years.
If you can handle the overly dramatic music and inappropriate BIG WORDS POPPING UP ONSCREEN RANDOMLY, then the rest of the presentation is passable. I imagine the investigators purchased their 'Doctor' titles online because their conclusion is that their lack of any vaguely plausible evidence is down to the "entity" being conscious and deliberately hiding itself and any evidence. There are a couple of locals interviewed who are encouraged by the interviewer to agree that what they have seen must be supernatural or extraterrestrial. These would have made interesting 3 minute YouTube clips.
But the highlights are the nonsense one-liners spouted by the narrator and participants, here are my favourites:
"Imagine a place between shadow and substance" "This is a hunt. A hunt for answers to unformed questions" "I was like you... until I wasn't" "We used dogs as bio-sensors" "We live in the middle of some other kind of intelligence" "A chainsaw vanished while being used" "The high strangeness of these kind of objects" "Frequently things would happen just off camera"
And then Robbie Williams turns up desperately wanting to believe. These people have too much money and too much time on their hands.
Only for complete braindead suckers, or for those who love a laugh at/with the paranormal documentary genre. The truth is out there, but you won't find it here!
If you can handle the overly dramatic music and inappropriate BIG WORDS POPPING UP ONSCREEN RANDOMLY, then the rest of the presentation is passable. I imagine the investigators purchased their 'Doctor' titles online because their conclusion is that their lack of any vaguely plausible evidence is down to the "entity" being conscious and deliberately hiding itself and any evidence. There are a couple of locals interviewed who are encouraged by the interviewer to agree that what they have seen must be supernatural or extraterrestrial. These would have made interesting 3 minute YouTube clips.
But the highlights are the nonsense one-liners spouted by the narrator and participants, here are my favourites:
"Imagine a place between shadow and substance" "This is a hunt. A hunt for answers to unformed questions" "I was like you... until I wasn't" "We used dogs as bio-sensors" "We live in the middle of some other kind of intelligence" "A chainsaw vanished while being used" "The high strangeness of these kind of objects" "Frequently things would happen just off camera"
And then Robbie Williams turns up desperately wanting to believe. These people have too much money and too much time on their hands.
Only for complete braindead suckers, or for those who love a laugh at/with the paranormal documentary genre. The truth is out there, but you won't find it here!
Beyond the Spectrum (2017)
It can't be ice particles, so IT MUST BE AN ALIEN SPACECRAFT
This probably only exists because it was laughed off YouTube.
If you can stand the 8 kbps underwater effect audio and ultra high definition 16 x 9 pixel (yes PIXELS, not ratio) video then you'll be treated to loads of irrefutable footage of black and grey squares as seen on Atari's Pong circa 1973, backed up by coma inducing interviews with charismatically challenged non-experts (with oscilloscope from a car boot sale in background) coming to zero conclusions other than 'we don't know so they must be hiding alien spacecraft'.
NASA will be in pieces when they realise they have been rumbled by the worst excuse for a documentary in history. It is inconceivable that real humans stole 54 no-deposit-no-return minutes of my life so IT MUST BE ALIEN SPACECRAFT.
The one star is for the camp teacher at the end who delivers the final knock-out blow of evidence to all sceptics left standing. You have been warned.
UPDATE: Message received from the director, Darcy Weir:
"I've just observed your slanderous review on my film Beyond The Spectrum. I would like to speak to you immediately. If you think this is funny or righteous, I would like to have a word with you."
No thanks, Darcy.
If you can stand the 8 kbps underwater effect audio and ultra high definition 16 x 9 pixel (yes PIXELS, not ratio) video then you'll be treated to loads of irrefutable footage of black and grey squares as seen on Atari's Pong circa 1973, backed up by coma inducing interviews with charismatically challenged non-experts (with oscilloscope from a car boot sale in background) coming to zero conclusions other than 'we don't know so they must be hiding alien spacecraft'.
NASA will be in pieces when they realise they have been rumbled by the worst excuse for a documentary in history. It is inconceivable that real humans stole 54 no-deposit-no-return minutes of my life so IT MUST BE ALIEN SPACECRAFT.
The one star is for the camp teacher at the end who delivers the final knock-out blow of evidence to all sceptics left standing. You have been warned.
UPDATE: Message received from the director, Darcy Weir:
"I've just observed your slanderous review on my film Beyond The Spectrum. I would like to speak to you immediately. If you think this is funny or righteous, I would like to have a word with you."
No thanks, Darcy.
Ryde (2017)
For once the good reviews and ratings are real!
Like many here, you check on the ratings and see that the 7.5/10 is a handful of low ratings, then a disproportionate number of 10/10 pushing the average up. These are clearly fake, friends of the director etc., and experience tells you you're looking at a dead horse being flogged.
But this is really a decent and original thriller/shocker. Though the ingredients don't look particularly appetising (think Drive like cinematography though not quite as stylish, American Psycho style humour and violence, Scream like Hollywood beautiful people but not that beautiful, and a bit of Eli Roth, plus mostly really unlikable characters) but somehow it works.
Give it a go!
But this is really a decent and original thriller/shocker. Though the ingredients don't look particularly appetising (think Drive like cinematography though not quite as stylish, American Psycho style humour and violence, Scream like Hollywood beautiful people but not that beautiful, and a bit of Eli Roth, plus mostly really unlikable characters) but somehow it works.
Give it a go!
The Devil's Candy (2015)
Derivatave attempt at a shocker for those who think rawk air guitar is kewl
The relatively high rating for a horror was reason to give this a blast, but having sat through it I'd advise you to avoid it unless you are 10 to 16 years old and think IRRRRN MAIDENNNN rawk in hell. Seriously, don't waste your time.
Pros: slightly above average cinematography. Sorry, only one pro.
Cons: cinematography mostly consists of sweaty tattoo goatee dad hero and sweaty mysterious fat guy. Predictable, snail pace storyline. Lazy child in danger sequences. Awful teenage metal guitar drone throughout. Cliché demonic art.
Avoid like the plague unless you are a teenager who loves kerrazeee satanic dethmetal and Metallica, that wild and rebellious group who thoughtfully took their fans to court.
Seriously save yourself this waste of time and seek out Near Dark or Jeepers Creepers. Or literally ANY OTHER FILM.
Pros: slightly above average cinematography. Sorry, only one pro.
Cons: cinematography mostly consists of sweaty tattoo goatee dad hero and sweaty mysterious fat guy. Predictable, snail pace storyline. Lazy child in danger sequences. Awful teenage metal guitar drone throughout. Cliché demonic art.
Avoid like the plague unless you are a teenager who loves kerrazeee satanic dethmetal and Metallica, that wild and rebellious group who thoughtfully took their fans to court.
Seriously save yourself this waste of time and seek out Near Dark or Jeepers Creepers. Or literally ANY OTHER FILM.